Chronicles of a College Boy

2009-01-03T01:20:00.002-06:00

ah ok today my mind is a little more clear for writing blogs. Ytd was just badd...but it actually ended off quite well because i finally finished one cover letter...the more important part is that i understand more or less how the format for the letter works. So for the other 2 positions that need cover letters (global capital markets and investment management) I just need to research more on what those 2 actually mean lol.

hmm i dont think i want to limit this entry to one subject...i want to think as freely as i can =). For a start I probably want to think through a couple of goals that i want to set for myself for 2009....you know...the regular process. Buut first maybe I should evaluate on how i did on my previous 08 new year evaluations.

First goal i had was....believe it or not...to start getting serious looking for a partner. I debated whether i want this as my new year resols or not...since it concerns other ppl. Did I achieve it? no and yes. No because obviously i am still single now. Yes because I have narrowed my choices my quite a large margin. Lets say my search narrowed from the world (yes i'm tht clueless) to just asia plus minus 3 max. my age (so 16 to 22 currently). During my summer I had a couple of...hmmm...revelations that kinda directed and showed me doors that i will open and doors i prefer to close. This is one of the first new year resols tht i kinda failed to achieve but i know will lead to a big thing sometime somewhere.

Second and third goals are the regular goals that i dont really like to mention because...well..i didnt achieve it lol. Second is the academic goal and third is the health goal. Academic goal i really slipped up especially in the fall smst, while the health goal i actually got to a good run during the summer...running almost everyday. lol for some reason the summer is really the highlight of 08 for me =). But the second half of the year after summer has definitely improved my academic life somewhat. I had gone through 10 interviews and went to new york for a function with the rich university alumnis ($$). I think this alone has boosted my confidence in how I should carry myself in both formal and informal sessions. Plus during the Walstreet crisis my learning curve for the finance world is even sharper than what i had with my internship with UBS. Plus I bought my first stocks!

Health i think is the really worst hit as I end 08. I even stop going to taekwondo..which is normally my last resort of dropping.

Soooo coming back to the goals. I definitely want to get my black belt this year. This will be happening some time in march, so i have time to practice during those times. LOL honestly speaking this is the only tangible goal tht I can think of this year. In terms of academic goals I want to achieve a smst gpa of 3.6 or higher for both smst. Since i failed quite miserably in terms of numbers for gpa in '08, i will revise down the goals for '09 =).

In terms of social goals, i think i will want to do a better job in asking ppl i havent talked to for some time how they are doing. I was not really able to do tht up until recently when i started to become more active on facebook. Ahh what are we to do without today's technology =P.

I think i want to end off this entry on a small note. I hear once from a motivational speaker that setting goals does not mean tht you will reach them (duh I'm the living breathing evidence of tht). Buuuttt heres the quote he followed with," Even if you dont reach the moon, you will land somewhere in the stars." Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T23:59:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year 2009! ahh been some time since I have written, so what better time to write to start off the new year? well i actually have an alternative motive to this to...I am supposed to begin the application process to internships again, and I have to write cover letters. Writer's block is not the most useful thing to have now...so I'm using this blog entry to start/warm-up my engine....and also reflect on 2008 =).

To start off 2008...I spent a couple of days on cruise with my cousins...fun and memorable times. But too bad I was sick during tht time -_- haha. and then i have to go back to US to continue my school....you know what come to think of it I don't really remember significant things that happened in the first half of the year...other than spending hours in front of the computers writing a program for a class project lol.

Then only in the summer my year starts to get really interesting...as I have said a couple of entries ago, its probably by far the most fun I had in a summer ever. There were definitely some downs in the summer. But looking back, i thought the ups really outweigh the downs. Then in the fall I started my journey of job-searching. O boy it was one of the most humbling experiences I had ever had. So far, I have been rejected 4 times from companies that I have interviewed for. I got so accustomed to the rejection emails that I know i am rejected on the 3rd and 4th companies just by reading the first 3 sentences. Even though people would attribute this to the lousy economy, I would disagree to some extent. Yesh the economy does a play a role, but the fact that other people are getting called instead of me bugs me because this fact is stating that I am not good enough for the companies yet. This is the really worrying fact. arghh now my mind is drifting back to the cover letters...lol I know the whole entry seemed like I just want to get to my cover letter...haiz I will do my best to write another entry to reflect on the events that occured in 08. For the mean time, wish me luck =).

2008-10-18T02:39:00.004-05:00

Helloo....ah been some time since I updated my blog. For some reason I feel like writing an entry at 3am in the morning. Comfortable temperature and a little alcohol makes a person reflective haha.

Ah well so far the semester been real busy for me...first time taking 19 credits, and besides that I'm taking Japanese, so I normally take a lot of time doing the homework. It's basically like learning chinese all over again, with spelling and writing word-for-word on the practice workbook. Then I have something new in my life now: Finance world. Not that I don't have it before, but now its kinda amplified now. Because of the financial crisis that is happening in the US, I become so engrossed in the stock market that I think some of my friends think me as weird when I turn on cnbc right after I come back from class...but o well we all need our little hobbies doesn't we?

There has been something that made me think for a while. Is it possible for someone to have just one gf/bf in their life and then thts it, like they settle down after that? I mean it is possible, but how big is the chance of meeting someone like that. I kinda ponder over some people who responded to what I said about this matter. One of them said, 'The pain will kill you." some others think I'm just being to idealistic. When it comes to the pain that can kill me, either way I'm screwed. Because if I play around and find a girlfriend that I dont think I want to get serious with, the pain of having to go through the end process is painful enough. But then on the other hand if I find someone that I know I can get serious with, but then later fail in the end, worse pain might follow, depending on the situation.

There is probably so many opinions on this matter. I mean... who am I to say what pain in the relationship is like? I know I am a veteran on saying what pain is before a relationship is, but I dont think I am in any position to say something about pain in a relationship. I know some people my age who has been in these situations more times than I can imagine, but the thing is...they are still fine and going. But then again I tend to be a little volatile when it comes to these situations...haha I think some of my closer friends know how thats like...but the point is that if people can go through situations like that and still emerge as one whole...whats the real deal? Won't it come to a point where the person will say,' Alright time to get serious.' or 'enough of fooling around'...but is it just a plunge they take when they started on the relationship? Do they think first about this person before getting emotionally mumbo-jumbo and in the heat of the moment say yes to the person? IIII dont know...maybe I'm just over-analysing this matter....but never hurts to avoid a number of landmines doesn't it?

2008-08-16T10:08:00.003-05:00

Wua what a summer this has been. If I were to read this post at the start of the summer, i would not have believe a single word of it. I remembered clearly at the start that i did not feel excited at all coming back to singapore, it actually feels wrong because i normally stay in the US for the summer, and I thought i would have more fun in the US than in Spore. Boy oh boy was I so wrong. This is by far the best summer in comparison with the past 2 summers.

Summer starts off with the disastrous start with UBS, which I was convinced was going to make my summer an misery. Buuut things got better and I become more adapt with the work, especially excel.

And then new people starts coming in, Marco, Ling Min, Rebecca, and the WM program folks. They really were the ones who made this summer so fun for me (plus trusty old Max). During the graduation night of the Wealth Management Program, it's funny tht I feel glimpses of similarity with the graduation I had 3 years ago with my secondary school friends (except for the clubbing part tht is hehe). It's just weird that now I'm feeling so sentimental over leaving singapore again that it almost feels like leaving back in '06. I don't really know how I should explain it, but its so much fun to hang out with these people.

Basically after the WM program, everything was going so much better for me because i knew more people and i had something new in my life: the party scene. As probably many of my friends know, I was always the "good student". Frankly speaking, I was tired of living that life and I wanted to change, to experience something new. This summer has definitely given me the opportunity to do so. I was lucky enough to be around 2 people who have more or less been at all the clubs and bars I went to. Those r the 2 people that are in the picture. They were pretty much a lot more experienced than I was when it comes to these category of life.

To a certain extent, I think this summer is almost like a mini-US, when it comes to how much effect it has on me. I remember in US I was struggling so much during the first semester in terms of fitting in and adapting. But after the first semester I was more or less having a blast. This summer was to a certain extent the same. I was struggling during the first week and things started to become fun, espeecially during the program itself. I wouldn't say I changed as much as I did for US, but I did change. Buuuttt the change didn't come without a price. I was afraid that I became more arrogant, more of a know-it-all. Ooo well, I'm again lucky to have my parents who will put me back where I should be when I'm out of line =).

ah well, I probably have to get to bed now to catch my very early flight, which is in about....7 hours. =)

What a Week

2008-07-12T11:16:00.005-05:00

hey hey hey...What a week this has been...I have probably said tht countless times on this blog. But seriously this week has been one of the most enjoyable and craziest weeks in my life...
For a start, I joined the UBS Wealth Management Program this week, more or less a break from the internship that I have currently with the same company. It's a program designed for people around my age to learn more about the finance world. I was excited to go mainly because of the reason for taking a step back from the working world to think more about where I am. Oh boy did I receive a lot more than tht. I'm just smiling to myself just by thinking about the memories I have from last week.

I guess what stands out most is my party life. As you might know, I never really go to parties, moreover my low tolerance for alcohol is more or less known. Last week itself, I had more alcohol than I had in my entire life. I was convinced that I'm so sick of alcohol that I had an interesting end of the day last tuesday. Anyway then I went clubbing on wednesday and friday. Wednesday was my first time going to a club, so I was a little awkward going about the place. But it did open my eyes to a place i have imagined before but never thought it really exist as I have imagined it to be. Anyway I geared myself up as I went clubbing again on the last day of the program, and I had a blast because I was a lot more comfortable dancing to the music.

The people on the program? They are such an awesome bunch. It has been a while since I have that much of a good time with people I have only known for a week. The people there can be just so smart at times that I'm at awe. Most of the people I know there also have a stomach for alcohol that I'm equally at awe. But no matter which days you pick, it was just so cool hanging out with them that when it comes to the graduation of the program at the end of the week, it feels like the graduation I have from secondary school. I was feeling nostalgic all day today because it feels weird not being around them during the day and having plans of partying during the night. You know what I fear most? That the relationships are lost as quickly as they are created due to lack of keeping in touch. Not to end off this part of the paragraph on a sad note, I am sure we wont really lose contact quickly because of facebook, which I today officially made a switch to from friendster.

2008-06-22T09:01:00.005-05:00

As I have said in the past couple of entries...I have done a lot of thinking about my current situation...I have been kind of disillusioned by this process of living...in the past when i had it much easier, i read up and listened to many inspirational stories about people reaching their goals..I thought success is well (more on this later) ...A classic success story is like sylvester stallone's...if you dont know how he become successful, i seriously recommend you to listen to his story.

Anyway, i realised that i lost my goal in life...yeap in a word..disillusioned...and i listened to tony robbins about the fact that success is 80% psychology and 20% mechanics...i realised that i have an inner conflict regarding success...i know this is going to sound extremely stupid...but I thought success is going to come easy because i was surrounded by success stories and focused too much on their success than their struggle...i thought God would just come down and say," its your turn to be successful!" i know...RIDICULOUS....i thought that success would not require time and complete dedication...i thought that success would not need large sacrifices...i thought that i would not meet difficult people, people who symbolises as tests to my determination...well...What an idiot i've become...i think if stuart tan or adam khoo (i went for their motivational camps) read this entry...they would have my head....

SO....I have thought it over...and came up with a vision...so here goes:

I envision myself to be the most well-rounded businessman I can ever be. I will continue learning about all aspects of business to my best extent, even if this requires large sacrifices and dealing with difficult people. I know sometimes I will be on my own, but I will do what I can to continue. I realise I will have to complete tasks that I will not like, but I will see it as another step closer to my goal. As I built on my knowledge, it will be used to bring myself up the corporate ladder and achieve a chief executive position. When wealth comes along, I want to donate US$1 million to an animal charity organization to do my part in animal conservation. This is my end result.

haaaa...there you have it....there is a good chance it might change..but this is more or less what I will shoot for now...in terms of inner psychology...there might be another conflict which seems less significant, but still important to me all the same...I think the issue of having a partner has been bugging me for quite some time...im not going to talk about this further, since those close to me know more or less whats the situation...BUT my point is, im going to clarify my priority right now. I wont be distracted. I will keep my eye on the ball.

2008-06-21T11:57:00.003-05:00

heya...the past 2 weeks in the internship has been much better than the first week because i gained 2 friends....even though this week i clocked in at about 55 hours at work....its kinda nice because now i get to chat at work with my friends...not staring at the computer for 10 hours...

What if suddenly you see yourself as someone you never picture as? in other words, what if you realise you are not the person you think you are?...this internship has really revealed quite a bit about myself which im not exactly proud of...i learnt it through conversations with both my friends and family...i dont know how...but flaws which i thought i never had are revealed in a number of places...i think im going to use this entry to face those flaws...because i will definitely push it away if i only confront it through my thoughts...

Firstly, I realise I'm all-talk, no action....to a certain extent...this is the flaw that i cannot stand because i actually dislike people like tht...and now i find it in myself...some example are....Before internship i told my parents tht i can withstand whatever crap UBS will throw at me...now im not already quite stressed out over the work...and they are not even throwing crap at me...for some reason i made statements that i never think over properly....i feel both frustrated and guilt-ridden when i realise this...

Secondly, i realise that im not as confident and brave as i imagined myself as....i know I wont be the first person into a battlefield...but my responses to the couple of events in the past couple of weeks has been...well...downright pathetic...this is comparing to what the ideal me would do in a situation...for some reason i couldnt find the courage to do the right thing when the situation calls for it....

I think the word courage is something that shouldn't be thrown around easily...i mean motivational speakers inspire students to be brave...and during tht time i believe it wholeheartedly...but now i find tht its not as easy as it sounds...the thought pattern that happend very often in "advise sessions" with people like my parents are like.."What was i thinking? Why would i act like tht?"...the thing is...i know what are the right things....but when the situation calls for it...they are pushed aside and i complain complain and complain....hmm somethings are not right here...

I read something very useful last week..."Having a job you love doesn't give you a recipe to an easy life, it gives you a recip for an interesting life." this statement for me, hits home when im at a point of thinking if i chose the right major or not...its by andrew matthews and everyday for the past weeks i have been reading his book just to get more enlightenment....i mean the problem is, i actually read his books before...but only now its useful for me....

His book im reading now is called "Follow your heart"...i definitely recommend it to anyone who has a dilemma about where you are in life now...=)

2008-06-07T11:00:00.003-05:00

huaaa such a looong time havent blogged....almost a year....o well what can I say...quite a bit have happened...i want to blog now because there are quite a bit of things that I think i should put in writing....well firstly...i'm currently working at UBS Wealth Management Research....and i have always thought it to be a dream come true if I ever had the chance to work at UBS due to its reputation and everything...

But now that I'm already working there full time as an intern...I started to re-think if I made the right choice...hear me out here because I'm not exactly complaining..but more of laying out my thoughts....ok firstly I'm more or less drilled like nuts there...and its so hard to not complain...because i can get so frustrated at times...What made me feel the worst is that last week before the internship starts...I was all-talk about bearing all the crap they can give me because I didn't go through the proper channels to get the internship....I was going "I will take whatever crap they can give me..." but now I really have to eat my words...because its getting tougher and tougher....and every time i have that devil coming up saying "It should be easier than this! why am i doing this?" I feel really guilty because usually tht devil wins...I know....call me a whiner or whatever...

I think another reason I don't reallt like the job (so far) is also because I don't have any friends in the office....so I can go for about 4 hours without opening my mouth at all....and that can seriously kill me...because as much as I love computers....i still love people more...
I'm reading books by Andrew Matthews these days, you know, just to get a hold of myself because the stuffs that he said are so true some times....for example....he said that each of us have our own rules about how the world should work and how ppl should act....like "he should appreciate me more!" or "he should have said sorry to me!"....all these rules..and then when people dont follow our rules....we get miserable...He said that we should have preferences instead of rules....so instead of saying " he should have said sorry to me!"..we should say "He could have said sorry to me, but i will feel ok even if he didn't!"...i think this makes sense...I'm now doing my best to apply that into my internship....my question to him is that what if I'm not enjoying my job now?...his answer (from the book) is

" If you cannot change your job, change your attitude and put in 100% into it. the losing side is yours because your boss will only lose a few dollars while you lose your enthusiasm, self-esteem, and a whole chunk of your life. Relax....life has a way of rewarding you if you put your best food forward." haha talk about an advice eh....now the hardest part (as always) is putting this knowledge into action...

I really want to use this weekend to reflect upon the things I have said and thought about regarding this internship....I realised ytd when i think it over that...I am not as wise and upright as I thought I am...in fact...this internship has revealed quite a number of flaws about myself...and frankly speaking..I'm not very pleased about how I'm doing right now... I kinda feel bad because my parents have to bear with me whining about how hard this job is....i wanna change for the better next week because it's a whole new week...and I now know what to expect about the job and my bosses...the hardest part is really changing my attitude regarding the job, because for now i'm still not looking forward to the job....what I need to do is change my attitude...to think of this experience as more of a learning journey rather than an internship....as much as I should for other parts of my life for that matter.... Wish me luck!

September

2007-09-16T23:46:00.000-05:00

Heyyy... this photo is taken during the camping trip i talked about last entry...ts actually taken about half an hour before the picture in the previous entry....its like the boyband picture u see on those album covers you know? hahaha....

Anyway i've been pretty busy....last week especially...I remember the times when i read nicks of my friends on msn...saying how crazy the projects can get...well yea now i understand how...I got a project with the FBINA...thats like the organization that provides the bridge between the FBI and the local police department...pretty cool eh?...our group is supposed to create a database which can store and organize volunteers' names for a big conference going on next summer....its pretty crazy...but at the same time even though i'm exhausted at the end of the day...i have tht feeling of "Yes i wanna do this for my life..." this is when i know im right when i chose IT as one of my 2 majors...the other one which is finance, I havent know if its the right one because i havent taken any classes for finance...but at least thts one down right?

Another class which is very interesting is child development class...i actually have to raise a baby in that class...no not a real baby...but i have one online...her name is Anastasia Widjaja....beautiful isnt' it?...if i were given a chance to give her a middle name i will probably say Ariel...Anastasia Ariel Widjaja...such a nice ring to it...anyway my 'daughter' is 3 months old...i just made a small mistake of giving her formula together with breast milk (I have a 'wife' too)...my mom said its best to just give her breastmilk...o well i thought the more the better isnt it hahaha...apparently not...anyway so far so good...i still havent got to see what she looks like though...she is still in her craddle...-_-...i know..i was kinda disappointed too....but wish me luck on my first shot at 'parenthood'! =)

End of Summer 2007

2007-08-14T02:35:00.001-05:00

Hey guys haha sry havent updated the blog for almost a month...man oh man so many things have happened these past month, not even sure where to start...oh well i figured i might as well start from this picture shown here...isnt it just beautiful?? That was taken last week in my second camping trip of the summer (and my life)...the guys woke up at about 430am in the morning and thought that looking at the sunrise would be beautiful...its the first time in my life watching a sunrise...and its just sooo beautiful...a picture cannot do justice on the real beauty of the sunrise...the sun rose at about 530am, so my friends and i just goofed around and took quite a few silhouette pictures...i will definitely post them up in the coming posts...the sun rises pretty quick though for some reason...i can actually see the sun moving up....beautiful stuff =)

Then yesterday i got a chance to marvel at nature's work again...i got to see shooting stars!!...well there is this news that once in ten years the shooting stars will be seen at a high rate in the sky...and that time is yesterday...i saw 5 shooting stars!...hehe the problem is i only started making my wishes on the 4th and 5th star...because for the first 3 stars came by so quickly and i was just amazed at the fatc that im actually watching a shooting star...anyway if the wishes for the 4th and 5th wish actually came true..it will be sufficient to make me very happy =)

Then i moved to my new apartment!! after all the hassle and disagreements i finally got the keys and moved into my apartment...its a one-room apartment with its own kitchen and all...the best thing about having your own apartment and living in it by yourself is really the fact that everything that happens in the apartment is because of you, be it bad or good...if the apartment is really messy you cannot blame it on anyone...unless you have a dog, then you can blame the dog for not washing the dishes hehe...on the other hand...if the apartment looks really cozy...you can give the credit to yourself too...=) for me so far so good..except for the fact that my spending for the year now has risen quite a considerable amount because of the apartment...hehe my friends who are in spore who wants to come here to travel on their own doesnt need to get a hotel room...you can crash in my place! hehe that is unless you bring someone else along because i only have one couch...but the carpet is comfortable enough hahaha...

OH and i watched JOSH GROBAN LIVE!! oh man that has to be my favorite concert i have been to till now...even though he was an hour late...its all forgiven when he came on stage...heh that guy is just so charismatic and funny...he is really able to engage his audience...he actually walked from the back of the stadium when he was singing one of his songs AND he actually walked right past me! i was blessed enough to be in an aisle seat so he actually walked right past me..haha the girls that were seating beside me were screaming their head off when he walked right past...hehe its just awesome listening to that guy on stage...

72th Week

2007-07-15T23:21:00.000-05:00

This picture was taken on my last day in Berkeley! It's the famous Berkeley Haas College of Business Administration, maybe some of you havent heard of it before but it's at least in the top 10 business instituations in the world.

Anyway Im back in Milwaukee. The day I went back to Milwaukee i have that *sigh* feeling...It's almost the feeling of coming home...Well it's also more or less because finally i returned to familiarity...trust me when you travel every holiday and live in the foreign place for a considerable amount of time...familiarity plays a much more significant role in your life...

Then i went for camping! Actually i just came back about 6 hours ago...it's quite an experience for me because it's actually my first time going for a real camping..where you have to sleep in a tent and all those stuff...man when i wake up in the morning my back hurts like an old man... and at night...hoho mosquito buffet! even now I'm still scratching those bites...and yes i did get an insecticide...but for some reason it still didn't work....hehe then I had to do the bbq ...i took charge of the chicken bbq...and im quite surprised its not as easy as it looks...i have to make sure its thoroughly cooked because sometimes on the outside it might actually look burnt, but on the inside its actually still raw...My friend taught me the easy way to see if its already cook...poke the chicken with a not so sharp object and if it goes through...its cooked...but if its not...its not cooked..hehe...its been quite a weekend....=)

69th Week

2007-06-24T04:39:00.000-05:00

This picture is taken when i went on the boat tour... It's the world famous Golden Gate Bridge!! haha... It was so cold when i was on that boat, I might not look like i was cold...but the wind was so strong that i feel like its going to blow my skin away...that's probably the first time anybody describes the wind that way isnt it?..hehe.

Anyway, this week has been kinda relaxing for me. I only had 3 days of classes... Well consider it a break before the finals week right...then i went to the golden gate park,which was supposed to be designed and created by the the same guy who designed the famous central park of new york. Well honestly speaking, the golden gate park was nothing i had in mind. Its really kinda sad when i walked through it. In my mind the day before as i was thinking about the trip, i was visualising all these beautiful garden and other nature stuffs... Well basically the people in charge of the park did a pretty poor job at developing and taking care of the park...heh its just really bad..next time you come to SF...you can do your best to visit other places before you visit this one.....

I watched 2 movies this week. Evan Almighty and Jerry McGuire. These 2 movies are kinda 11 years apart when it comes to the release but... when it comes to themes...they are almost identical: Faith.

If you guys remember Bruce Almighty, the one Jim Carrey was given godlike powers? well Evan Almighty is the sequel to that movie. Even though in my opinion the way the director present the movie is kinda lame, i couldnt help but marvel at the lesson that was in the movie. I wouldnt want to spoil the movie for those who havent watch it, but here is what Morgan Freeman, who's playing God, said,

" You think when you ask for things from God, things like lemme get an A for my psychology class, help me save money, help me get closer to my friends, help me be happier, help me get closer to family and so forth... Do you think God will just give you that A, give you a million dollar check, become a friend magnet, make you feel like you are on top of the world, and bring you to your family with warm fuzzy feelings? You bet he won't. BUT what he will give you are: Opportunities. He will give you opportunities to get that A, gove you opportunities and situations for you to take to be closer to your families."

Isn't it beautiful? When i was watching it and listening to what he said (I added a bit to what he said by the way hehe), the feeling comes to me like....the sunshine breaking through that block of dark cloud... and I'm old enough to say that those type of moments don't come too often. I might not be able to give you the full impact of what that line just mean to me or to humanity, but maybe I can give you a little nudge to let you watch the movie. You can ignore the kinda-lame plot, but the lesson is invaluable.

And then just now i watch Jerry McGuire. Its basically a story of a sports agent who were once big and then lost everything, everything but one more client. Well you can say, "Oooh, one of THOSE stories." well i said that too at the beginning... but it doesn't hurt to watch this kind of movies from time to time. Anyway McGuire met this lady who believed in him when everything in his life seem to just fall. This kinda reinforce my belief on the importance of good people around us. It's a talent to find whos real and whos fake among us. God gave us an *opportunity* to that talent through bad situations. I believe that a person's character is truly tested in times of crisis. Anyway before i get to cheesy for you, i think its a great movie. Its an old movie, so maybe you cannot find it in a small dvd shop. But when you have the chance, look for the dvd in any big shops, like HMV or something. It might give you another perspective of life, another perspective of people, and most important of all, another map to guide you through the path of life. =)

68th Week

2007-06-18T03:33:00.000-05:00

Hey... This picture is taken in alcatraz island. It's this whole other island off the San Francisco bay. What is it? its basically a prison island, reserved for the most notorious criminals that are recorded...hehe you might think how come I look so nice in the picture? hahaha well I saw the great view there and took the chance. I have this other picture which has the city and skyscrapers of San Francisco behind me. It's just sp beautiful, you actually have to be there to experience the majestic view, because when I returned home I checked the pictures which I had taken on the island with the views behind me and I thought, hmm this doesnt capture its beauty at all. My msn picture now has the picture of me with the city behind me.

Remember those times when you feel so uneasy and uncomfortable that you can't even do simple things? the feeling is like as if there is something very not right about something that has always been right in your very foundation as a person. This very thing creates the foundation of you and forms the basis of your personality. So far in your life this thing or idea has been what is always constant when everything else aren't. I'm talking about: Our parents or parenting figures. Since young they have always been the one who guides you wherever you go and do, and we children see them as the people who always knows what is right and is our counsel of life. They are always the one who appear the strongest and wisest when it comes to many situations.

But what happen to that idea when suddenly in a situation you see them as human beings like all of us? this situation will rattle your foundation like a rag doll. I was in more or less that situation recently and I have to admit, it is quite hard sometimes to keep a clear mind. In a way the uneasyness comes like a plague in the first few moments, but for me luckily it's just that first few moments when i felt the strongest blow to my own foundation. But after the situation is solved and everything turned out alright, I felt so uneasy when I woke up the next day. I did so much thinking about the feeling, because I can't do anything else productive. I thought, our parents are not going to be there someday, and when that day comes, what's to become of me if just this one situation were to put me into such easiness?

I thought the feeling can just go away, but noooo...it stayed on. So I turned to one of my enduring heroes... Many people might thought this is dumb, but I don't care, because everyone has their own coping mechanisms. Mine is just taking my mind off everything in the world, put on my trusty headphones, and watch my hero. I just watched his movie and now I'm feeling all better. Explanation? I have none. It's one of those there-but-no-there kind of hero that I turn to for relief. Some people pray, some watch TV, some eat and drink like theres no tomorrow.

I think I have told other people that I'm more than an ordinary fan of superman. On the lighter note, its not that I idolize him or anything. It's just that when that foundation rattles, it has that domino effect of impacting everything. I was actually supposed to study just now, but i thought getting that uneasyness out of the way might be a better idea in the long run, because I don't think this is the way I want to start the new week.

I guess what I'm saying this whole time is that, get yourself as many supporting roles or figures as you can in your life, because if one major one falls, you might need all supporting roles to...well...support you. Prepare yourself for the worst situation that might happen in your life because you might never know when it will happen.

Haiz whole entry sounds like a drag... Oh well, life is a rollercoasterrrrrrr, wouldn't you agree?

67th Week

2007-06-10T03:27:00.000-05:00

Took this picture in Pier 39...its basically a tourist attraction in San Fran...beautiful little shops selling souvenirs..heh i bought myself 2 beautiful snowglobes...i don know whats with me and snowglobes..hahaha...i just love those things...always wanted those things when im a child...i got one which has a pirate skull in it...and another one with the phantom of the opera mask...the one with the mask is actually not only a snowglobe...its also a music box!...it plays a small part of the music of the night...just beautiful...i will do my best to take a picture of them and post it up...the first snowglobe tht i bought last year in new york broke...it annoys me so bad...u might look it up in the archive posts in august or september 2006 for the picture and the unfortunate story....

Today i wanna talk about something that has constantly been on my mind in the past year or so...i have never rrally gotten to write about them because for some reason this subject kinda runs away from me everytime i think of a subject i wanna write for a post. Anyway the subject is : Money.

You know, this subject has been dubbed to the point of controversial when it comes to deciding what path of life you are going to take. I have encountered many people who would say, "Money is not important in what i do", "I will never use money as deciding factor when im choosing a job", or "I will follow my heart, not money". Initially I would say the same thing because it sounds pretty good right? But after doing a lot of my own thinking, I realise that these statements are not entirely true. I've come to the conclusion that some dreams are not achievable if a considerable amount of money is not involved. My dream is to pump at least one million USD into one of the respectable animal conservation organizations in the world. Now the statement of my dream itself has money attached to it, so whether i like it or not, i do have to get a job that earns quite a bit of money.

Now on the contrary, I have an experience where i work for a pretty high wage, but i dont really enjoy doing the job. Coming to work becomes quite a pain, because the thoughts that I can be doing something else in the mean time keep firing off in my mind. We dont really want to be in that situation too, because before you know it you are 60 and you have kinda wasted your life doing something you dont enjoy.

I think as always there must be a healthy balance between the 2, not just one-sided. For example, if you love the job so much but the job doesnt pay you enough, would you really want to stay in that job for a long period of time? Especially if you are the head of the house and you are in charge of supporting the family, I dont think its possible, unless you juggle 3 jobs at a time. Money has that power to put extra icing into a job in which if you have the choice of a job that is the first on your job-that-I-want list, and a job that is second in that list but pays more money, which one would you take?

66th Week

2007-06-03T01:06:00.000-05:00

Took this picture yesterday in front of the city building in San Fransisco...i was kinda suprised that i can find a statue of Lincoln in SF...o well ignorant of me thinking of the fact that there is only one Lincoln statue in the United States..haha..Anyway this week has been kinda slow moving for me....the days just kinda went by pretty quick for me because especially on tuesdays and wednesdays when i have 2 classes...3 hours each...oooo yea...but to me its kinda interesting...one class is clinical psychology...one class which i fear might have me studying about the various medicines to treat a client....but im pretty surprised that this is what I'm actually looking for in the psychology field in the first place...this class, to me pleasant surprise, is about the kind of things that a psychologist can do to help a person get better from his or her present condition....so yea im 'psyched' about this class...although not so much about the reading....

the other class im taking is the history of asian americans in the United States...well many people can say its just another history class...there are only 2 people in the class, including me..hahaha..so basically its more of a conversation between the student and the professor...kinda nice because usually its just a lecture and there is not much of a conversation going on between the 2 sides..and since its just 2 students...we can kinda drag the deadlines for several work to be submitted...hehehehe....

I just watch this movie Knocked Up...im not sure if they show it in spore...but its basically a comedy about a guy who got a girl pregnant from one-night-stand...the guy is a total slob while the girl is just a hot and a going-to-be successful news reporter...the whole comedy is in the part where they are trying to figure out each other...it is created by the same person who brought us the 40-year-old virgin...

putting aside all the laughter i had during the show... there is a time when the girl was trying to accept the guy to be who he is....while her friend told her," You know what you should do, you should critisize him soo much that he will feel bad one day and change."...well yea u might have guessed this friend initially was not doing very well in her marriage too...in our main actress' point of view...it is kinda hard to accept the guy for who he is...when he is jobless...smokes pot...and a total slob...

You definitely have heard of the saying "Accept a person for who he or she is" right?...well this is one of those saying that im still doing my best to get my head around...its a lot easier said than done... there are definitely times when you have a close friend who has habits that just annoys the hell out of you right?...and sometimes you just wanna tell him or her that it is wrong to do it whichever way is done...well for some people its something to enjoy when they thought about it...but when u r in the situation itself dont u just wanna strangle the life out of ur friend?...

well even sometimes your special someone can do this to you...not that i have any experience of it...especially in the first few months of getting to know each other...u kinda like each other and then hook up...then in the process of the relationship u find something not to ur liking in the other person...then wonders if u have made the right decision about the relationship... well for me i use an advice given by a psychologist in one of my favorite movies Good Will Hunting

"I hate to break it to you, kid, but you are not perfect. And this girl you are seeing, she isn't perfect either. The real question, however, is whether you are perfect for one another."

Invaluable advice for life, don't you think? =)

65th Week

2007-05-27T01:35:00.000-05:00

This picture is taken in front of the State building in San Franscisco...i was there the other day while touring around the city...the city is a beautiful place...u know those classic buses u see on cinemas going own the hill in the city?..its funny seeing those now in real life...same thing happened to me last year when i was in times square...i have seen times square a number of times on tv..and when i was there myself..the feeling is just kinda funny...

So anyway this is my first week in the state of California...its just such a beautiful place...and the school im studying in for the summer, Univesity of California, Berkeley, has a really gorgeous campus..its really beyond description...to me its just like a garden school...there are trees just everywhere..not to mention the large gardens and a couple of hills...that being said..its a huge campus compared to Marquette...so i have to walk quite a distance...but im not complaining...i get to enjoy the beauty of the campus almost every morning..i will definitely put up the pictures in the coming weeks...

heh a scare i have not have before in my life is my weight...my philosophy about eating till to date is...eat whatever you want eat and however often, just as long as you exercise...but now...i have a feeling that philosophy might not be working...when i arrived in the US about a year and half ago...i was about 142 pound...about 60 plus kg...now im 153 pounds...about 70kg...thats about 6 to 8 kg weight gain...heh i only realise this when i look a picture of me taken just 2 days ago...and im like..."Is it just me, or am i growing fat?"... heh since secondary school i have actually been doing my best to gain weight because almost all my relatives said im thin...so thats when my habit of eat-everything-i-want-anytime comes in...which i carried with me over to the US..hahaha...lets hope i wont gain more weight in the second half of the year....hahahaha...you know whats hilarious of me writing this?...as im writing this entry..im eating 3 different kinds of snacks...damn it..hahaha

60th-64th Week

2007-05-20T00:54:00.000-05:00

Oh man...the time when i update my life in this blog has become more and more often dont you think...?...o well...basically i just finished my finals last week and got my grades...more or less what i expected...so neither disappointed nor happy...now im also in charge of the money for 3 organizations....2 for school clubs and one for a bigger organization...its a bit crazy when i think of it...but when i thought about it again...this is actually exactly what my dad is doing now...just that his is a much much much much bigger account.....anyway this picture is taken with my tkd club...it was a beautiful day when i had a barbeque outing with them...

I think this semester has started a whole new interest for me in the music genres...now for some reason im really into the pop opera..or 'popera'...the few artist that im really in are Il Divo...Josh Groban...and Katherine Jenkins...you can actually check out their vids on Youtube....you might have heard about the first 2...but mayb not Kath Jenkins...well she hails from Europe and she is about 26 yrs old...and a beautiful lady for one who sings this genre..because what's characteristical of the ladies who sing in this genre are basically 'bigger'...but Kath Jenkins is just different...go google her...=)

You know the saying, "Live in the moment."?....this past few weeks i have been kinda pondering on that...many times i thought to myself...this moment cannot be any more perfect than it is now...it actually really helps because...there are definitely times when you think about the past right, and how more perfect the past seem to the present?...but for some reason if i do this...the past seem less and less attractive to me then the present...because i know that i have lived the best i can in that past, and Im conscious in that past that i am not going to relive this moment ever again...This priciple of life is probably tied together with the "I have done the best I can and I have nothing to regret." concept....

58th-60th Week

2007-04-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

hahaha...Arent they just out to beat u up with those "armor"...? hehehe...i went for my third tkd tournament today...many ppl compete for the tournie...about 50% are these little angels....seriously...when they spar...they look so cute...imagine them hopping around in those "armor" with their short legs and trying to kick..i cannot help but laugh when i watch...

Well..i didnt do as well as i had hoped in this tournament...got a 2nd for forms...3rd for breaking and sparring....o well...i did not have tht much time of a practice anyway...i actually have a video of me sparring 2 matches..i got my ass whooped in the first match because im taking on a guy a head taller than me...so he just use his leg to get head shots for 2 points..where i can only get body shots for one point....buut i won in the second match...realised when i watch the vid my friend recorded that i look quite good...wahahahaha....o well...it was quite an experience...

Every smst since i moved to US...there is this major learning point i take away from the semester...Last year spring it was about adapting to the new environment....last year fall it was about learning how to speak more in class and in public...this semester it is definitely how to be more humble...i think i was really being too cocky abt everything...i thought i just use it as a joke..but after a while it actually creeps into my system and way of thinking...i got so cocky tht i think God..as fair as he always is...smacked me right in the face with reality....and yea..he smacked me real good...first...he smacks me with getting 3 C grade exams....second...he smacks me with the fact that i dont rule in the tournies anymore...the reality he smacks me with is...you may have workeed real hard to get where u are now...but if u dont work as hard or even harder....you will be brought down, fall, and be overtaken by other ppl who deserves it more than i do................Yeah...ouch huh...i felt it too...you might say to me, "of course you will be overtaken when you get complacent you idiot.."..well sometimes you almost have to experience it yourself to solidify a principle of life....=)

57th & 58th Week

2007-04-01T21:59:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone...heh didnt write an entry last week...figured my mind was mostly on studies..so i dont think i can write a decent entry...

anyway this photo was taken last smst during the tkd tournament...i still think i look nice with semi long hair..hahahhaa....its been a pretty good week for the most part...i had 2 major exams...Econs and Psychology...and im pretty sure i did well on both...the problem with doing well is that u have such a high expectation b4 u get the results back that u get more or less disappointed or a normal feeling when u get the exams back...ever had tht feeling?...like the exam went so well that u expect nothing but a perfect score....hahaha...

Now im in a full-blown dilemma of what seems to be an easy decision about a year ago = transferring to another school...a year ago....i would actually look for the schools that i wanna transfer to...as long as its good and cheaper...i will transfer...now...another factor came into play...friendships....haiz the classic "I'm already settled here" reason of staying...the other school that i want to transfer to is University of Washington, Seattle.... its business school is ranked 25th in the country...Marquette is 49th...the school fee is a little bit cheaper too if i get a scholarship there...the place from what many people say...is gorgeous...and plus there is the beautiful weather...heh i know i know...its sounds like a perfect school and place...but as i have mentioned b4 countlessly...It is the people that makes a place home...not the place in its physical self...come on...i experienced -30 celsius here...thts right...negative 30 celsius...and the place can be quite dead during the winter....but these factors seem miniscule when friends come into the picture...its like i dont mind all these horrible conditions as long as i can hang out with my friends....

I remembered the first few months i had here...it was horrible....the trouble with adjusting to the situation was a little bit overwhelming...but i made it through pretty nicely..hehehe...the very thought of having to go through tht process again just makes me feel tired.... then there is tht smart ass in my mind saying "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.."...hmmm....what makes this decision even harder is that it can be or it is a life-changing decision....haiz...well i kinda come up with a short-term solution....i will apply to the school after this smst...BUT i will only transfer if i get a scholarship...so at least tht makes the payment a little easier for my parents...I know u can say this is another excuse of not wanting to transfer....but it's quite a rational reasoning dont u think?

56th Week

2007-03-18T23:12:00.000-05:00

Heh this picture is taken when my friends and i was on the car back to Milwaukee from Chicago...thought its pretty neat...

Well spring break is over and here comes the second half of the spring session..from what i remember from last year that in arnd early april the campus really become beautiful...flowers blooming and all...i will do my best to take a couple of these picts and post them up....

i wont be writing too much today...my roommate is sick and going to slp right now...so yea i better go to bed....have fun for those of u who r having holidays!

55th Week

2007-03-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

Hey guys...this pict is taken about 2 weeks ago when we have the tkd demo...cool bunch of guys...the leftmost guy is our new instructor....few facts about him...he recently returned from Korea after training for the olympics in a korean university renowned for their tkd athletes....he also trained with a tkd master who holds the guiness book record of winning 10 olympic tkd tournaments in a row....pretty cool resume dont u think? hahaha....

Well this week is spring break for me...and the weekend has been so good and fun that its actually hard for me to think of another such fun time i had here in the US... and then i cant help recalling the time i had last year during spring break...it started off sucky last year...walking to a restaurant about 5 miles away alone.. just staying in my room watching tv and all...its really a change u know from how it started this year...this year..starting on friday...i played basketball and then came back to my friend's place to play poker till 2am in the morning....on saturday i watched 2 movies...300 and wildhogs...had dinner...and then played soccer at 11pm at night...then on sunday...i played guildwars all the way with my friends at one of my friends' place and had a really really great time there...its crazy you know...how one year can change u so much.....it also just shows many lifecoaches' theory that if the more u step out of ur boundary....the more changes u will see in yourself...be it good or bad...for me its good...i think...wahahahaha...well im lucky because i have so much support from both friends and family when i move here...when i had less time to talk to my friends in spore last year from july onwards...im blessed to have another group of friends to hang out with here...=)...and through the whole time...my family has always been there....heh long story short? i have grown a lot because of you guys! =)

Facade: deceptive appearance: the way something or somebody appears on the surface, especially when that appearance is false or meant to deceive
Ever been asked, Who are you?....not as in name...but as in Who are you?...well i have...i was asked during a motivational camp i had about 3 years ago...the way the question was posed by the chief person was so powerful and disturbing that when he provided the answer...i didnt listen at all because i was struggling to keep my emotions from overflowing...and then i become pretty annoyed at the end because i did not get the answer of "Who am I?"...well after a while...heres what i came up with...there is no real one you....there are many you's....you are what you do in a state of happiness...you are what you do in a state of elation...you are what you do in a state of crisis...you are what you do in a state of fear....and the list goes on....you are a fluid theory....this probably goes in accordance with the theory of energy....that energy is never destroyed but just transferred and transformed into another form... sounds sensible? =)

54th Week

2007-03-04T02:53:00.000-06:00

haaa....Im 18!!! hahaha...finally now im officially an adult...wahahaha...I didnt remember that it was actually my birthday because i was studying quite late till 12 plus..then when i look at the clock..."hey!...my birthday!!"...hahahaha...well i spent a good first day of my birthday studying for crazy accounting in the library...then after tht was fun all the way till sunday morning 3 am haha...well first after the accounting exam i went to play bball with my friends and then we went to eat....We then played texas hold'em till 4 am in saturday morning...

The next day...my friends took my to hooters again!!!..it was crazy dude...this time my friends went behind my back and bought a hooters calendar (almost equivalent to FHM or Maxim calendars) and let the waitresses sign it...THEN one of my friends call 2 waitresses to take a picture with me....hahaha i was pretty nervous till the girls went by my side and let my friends take the picture....if im in the mood i will post the picture up and show u guys how dorky i look in between the 2 hot girls....hahahaha...

Hehs...one year has passed since my arrival in the US....as i look at the then me and the now me....i feel that so many many things that had happened have changed me as a person almost whole and over....and living alone...it gives me many insights to what i never have before...insights about friends....family....and most of all...me...some of the insights i gained about friends are definitely....they have as much impact as family on you....they can either make you happy and feel belonged...or if you can feel unloved and just be stuck in your room feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about stupid ideas...like picturing yourself in ur mind that u r this lone, reflective, and 'cool-quiet' type of person...well according to my experience the cool-quiet type of person nv really did convey tht he is the 'strong quiet' type...trust me i fell in those type of mind sets b4...but theres where friends and basically people come in...u can always intrepret them as some sort of mirror to you...imagine this...would a person like you if you dont like them?...

Moving on to family...haha im not sure how many times i emphasized on this...even though ur friends are as influential as they are...you can almost always count on ur family as the ones who will always love you...even though they sometimes dont know how to show it...it can help sometimes to think tht when they nag and scold the hell out of you...think it as they are setting u in the correct direction..and they do tht because they love you...if you think you are right in your actions and think they are wrong (which sometimes they are)....rethink again b4 u do what u want to do...like think real hard that ur judgement is correct...know in which areas ur parents are less informed on than you (not tht many)...then decide if your conflict with your parents lies in this area....if it does...then confide in other people u trust...

Im probably going to do the insights i gained about me part next time...i feel so tired right now haha...last but not least...a big and warm Thank You to all the people who wished me happy birthday!! i really appreciate it ....=)

53rd Week

2007-02-25T02:25:00.000-06:00

hey guys...this pict is on the most artistic pictures i have taken here in Milwaukee i think...you gotta admit man...this picture is just so beautiful...its taken during tht ski trip i had a couple of weeks ago...we were all kinda tired so we lied down on the snow....when i looked up...it was so beautiful that i stopped thinking of everything...i let this sight bathe me with tranquility....then i actually thought of something...something as perfect as this view must be captured...heh so i reluctantly got up and took my camera...lied down and took about 4 shots...this is the best one i took....lol there was even once the camera dropped on my nose because i was enjoying the view so much...hahahaha...this is my wallpaper right now..and it work wonders...you guys can give it a shot...click on the image...right-click it and set as background...soo peaceful eh?

IndoNight passed by finally...its this event whereby the Indonesians who are in Milwaukee gathered and planned an event for other people to come and see the culture of indonesia...We have planned this program for the past 7 months or so...so this night was pretty big for us...I was in charge of the programs....so the tech people are asking the indos who is the one who is the one who must officially start the program...i nv realised how important my role was till then..and by then i was 15 mins late...-_-ll...but other than tht...the program went rather well and smoothly...the audience enjoyed it too....=)...I hope the picts for the night is posted and sent to me so tht i can show you guys what a great night it was!...=)

52nd Week

2007-02-19T23:05:00.000-06:00

Yo...Late post this one is....was prepareing for a psych test ytd....anyway Happy Chinese New Year!!!...this pict was taken during the CNY meal i had with the indonesians of Milwaukee...shown in this picture is more or less all the Indonesian men in Milwaukee...awesome looking group, wouldnt you say? hahahaha....

argh this last week has been crazy...almost sick the entire week...even though not flu...but still give me a pain in the butt...there was once during a philosophy class where the prof ask me something on the board and i was like "......"....because my stomach was feeling like tsunami and i had a terrible cold...so yea...tht was more or less my week....

But there was something tht i learnt from a psychology class though...something about myself...and its so true tht it became scary...i don noe why it was scary...but for some reason i was taken aback at the accuracy....so this is how it goes...I was supposed to choose 4 from a list...you can do it too..choose 4 now,....

Need for affection and approval
Need to have a partner
Narrowly restricting one's life (Dont want to be a burden to others)
Seeking domination and power over others
Exploiting others
Need for social recognition or prestige
Striving to be the best and defeat others (both friends and enemies)
Inflated sense of self (See self as soemthing more than human)
Being driven towards superiority (Perfectionist)

If you choose choices 1-3....you are called the Compliant type...Major characteristics are you are compliant towards others...you tend to defer to others...and any sign of rejection is terrifying to you...

if you choose choices 4-7.... you are called the Aggresive type...Major characteristics are hostility, dominating and are satisfied when others recognize your achievements

if you choose choices 8 to 10...you are called Detached type...Major characteristics are personal admiration..have high need for privacy...maintain emotional distance from people...tend to suppress/deny feelings for other ppl because leads to conflict...

So those needs are not good needs anyway...but i wont give u a psych lecture now...can u guess which one am I?...guess guess...haha...well im the Detached type...when i heard what the lecturer said...i was so taken aback from those facts tht i go..."omg...these are actually true..." well at least theres my explaination for me being single all these times anyway....so which one describes you best? if you want a more detailed explaination...you can google "Karen Horney's 10 neurotic needs"....=)...anyway Wish you guys receive lots of Hong Baos!!

51st week

2007-02-11T22:50:00.000-06:00

ooo...hows that for a scenery?...hehe its like we are trekking across a totally inhabited place....its just awesome though the scenery...its like postcard picture perfect....=)...u know the kind of feeling when u are walking across tht field is like none other...its like you are really disconnected from reality...not the kind of feeling u can get often really when u r living in this world...i think in spore the only places where i can get those kind of feeling is when u go to reservoirs....or even just play music and close your eyes...

anyway this week has been one of the hectics ones i had since the start of the semester....i had 4 tests...and i think i did well on 4 of them..=P hahahaa....feel the joy!!...heh i think its also kinda the exam period now in spore for my badge of graduates....i wish u guys total luck!!!...i read the blogs of my friends and i kinda figured tht their lives are more hectic than mine...tests...projects and all...

heh i watched hamlet just now...its been some time when i keep thinking whats so great abt these shakespeare plays...and i figured its not so much of the story lines...but its the language and meaning behind the language...as in how deep it is....i slept 3 times during the movie...but for some reason i always woke up at the right time when hamlet was abt to say soemthing meaningful...i will definitely post up some of his sayings abt life...=)...anyway next tuesday is Valentine's Day!...heh for those of you who have dates...wish you have a great time with one another!...and for those of who doesn't....No worries!...take it as a day when you be your own valentine!...like buy something for yourself...=)...at least tht beats staying in ur own room alone self-pitying yourself doesn't it?

50th Week

2007-02-04T00:20:00.000-06:00

Heyss...what a cold cold week this has been for me...and u know what the best thing is about next week is? It will only get colder!!....next week average temperature will be negative 17 celsius....its negative man...dont think im bs-ing you or anything...but its getting frostbiting cold here...oh well...more motivation to go to class huh...hahahaha

anyway this pict was taken during the ski trip last week...dont i just look awesome?? wahahaha...there is a hill down after this where i get tht mad rush of "OH YEA!!" ....but other than tht...its quite tiring to push yourself on tht snow with the 2 sticks....=)...

This week for some reason the thought of tht missing piece in my life keep coming back to me...it maybe because of tht vid i put up last week by savage garden...or it may also be the fact that valentines is coming...hehe first of all lemme give u a history of my valentine days....i nv really knew when is valentines till abt 5 years ago when i kinda fell for the first time....first yr...didnt do anything because i was still a kid....second yr...didnt do anything either because i kinda gave up....third year.....i did a pretty dumb thing of what i thought can be romantic....4th year?...haha didnt even think of one....5th year i was in the US so i just go out for dinner with my friends...

So in a nutshell of my history for valentines? It sucked....well yea basically i read back to tht entry i did right b4 i went back to indo...abt the fact tht im blessed with all the wisdom a 17 year old can have now...only a completely void intelligence in the romance area...its like the energy is there...but there is no way whatsoever to utilise it....so i actually asked myself this...is it just because im all tht dumb...or am i just not brave enough to take action and win the heart of the girl i have feelings for?....that last question for some reason never crop up to me before...because probably i'm scared to admit to myself that i'm scared...heh little inside info on me...one of the worst but most probably most useful thing for someone to do to me is to let me admit that i'm afraid....but yea...this area of romance in my life will always be a puzzle for me...will just have to wait for that missing piece to come into my life....=)

I just watched rocky balboa....his latest movie...man tht stallone still have it in him....cant believe he still has a freakin 6 pack....but the movie is also jam-packed with values (like the rest of the rocky movies)...not tht i have seen them all...but 3 of the values i learnt are basically...love the people around you now, for they won't be there forever.....second is do things for the right reasons, which concerns YOU and not other people.... and finally....Don't blame other things for where you are now. Wanna see the problem? look in the mirror.....

heh these 3 values are kinda no-brainers arent they?...well one day if you read this you can actually get a hard reality check...like i did when i moved to the US...trust me when we are in critical times...its hard for us to actually see what should we do in the midst of all the confusion...heh my point is...watch the movie when it comes out in your country!! =)

49th Week

2007-01-28T23:09:00.000-06:00

Skiiiiiiing...hehe..i went skiing ytd for the first time in my life...its real fun!...feel like gliding in the air...and when it comes to the hill...u can feel the speed in ur blood and even though i feel a little scared of the speed, my mind is like saying..."FASTER!!!" hahahaha....but its pretty fun though....after i rented the equipment, the indos and i went to a golf course (which is now covered in snow) to ski...its a pretty big golf course and the beautiful thing about the place is that when you are deep in the course....you really cannot hear anything but the leaves whisper and the branches crackle...after a long course of skiing i laid on the snow...Its really really comfortable and its only then i realise these beauty of silence you can never get in the city...I will definitely put up some picts of the course in the next entry because one of the picts i took is definitely one of the most artistic ones i have ever taken ....hehehe...

Anyway i watched smallville epi 12 last thursday and it was about clark being possesed by a phantom and he was brought to a place where the people he knew all had a different life...like lana being his gf and him being in an asylum....when i watched this...I realise myself thinking back on the first few weeks that i was here in the US...when I thought about it...It was really scary to be in a place whereby you don't know anyone...and about the same time now last year...i was in a such troubling position that sometimes i wonder how did i ever come to where i am now....well of course i think the major part of it is the support i received from home... you guys probably dont know how much a simple message or chat means to me during those periods... but well lets say as what i mentioned last entry....it made me into a much better man and that is the most important thing of all...=)...as what motivational gurus always love to say..."If you are scared to do it, there is only one way overcome that fear. Do it!." (in my opinion, it can be really annoying to listen to that particular advice if you are in the position)....

This actually reminds me of the dinner i had just now...My friends and I went to a place called Hooters to eat..and if you guys actually search what kind of restaurant it is...the guys might go, "sounds like heaven!"...while the girls will go, "How can they have such places?"..haha well its bascially a place where all the waitresses dresses basically in a small and pretty tight singlet and a small pants that resemble a swimming trunks...heh my friends were...as always...making fun of me being and looking young and all...so i actually bet with them that i will ask one of the waitresses to come over to check who looked the youngest...if the waitress picks me....i lost the bet...if she picks any other person at the table...i win...well i was pretty nervous to do it because..well the waitresses there are...well..hot ..for the lack of a better word hehehe....go google "Hooters girls" and you will see what Im talking about...anyway I actually got to pluck up the courage and asked one of the girls who look the youngest...well she picked me...lol...so i lost the freaking bet and treated everyone dessert..huahuahua...but the thing that i got out of the thing is i step a little out of my comfort boundary to ask a hot girl idiotic questions...and by doing this i at least stay true to my new year's resolution...hehehe...

48th Week

2007-01-20T22:37:00.000-06:00

Heeeyyyy....back in Milwaukee....was actually planning to post an entry the day i came back...but was too tired to do so....anyway this pict was taken on new year's day in jakarta...great memories...both good and bad...good because im back with family...bad because i got pretty sick....

anyway the trip back to indonesia was a pretty educational one....somehow its like a report card for me...the result of what i have become from the one year of living alone in the US...its a pretty good report card actually...at least from my perspective....there are a view indications of tht...firstly...my self-confidence definitely went up...because when i went back to indo for a wedding just with my dad....i have to mix with people tht are kinda higher up...but im not intimidated as before anymore...they probbaly dont know i was intimidated b4...but im always good at masking my true feelings anyway...but yea i got a lot more confident in talking to ppl...

Heard of the quote, "Absense makes love grows stronger."?...well when i come back its proven...not with the bf gf type...but with my family...i feel closer to them when come back because i know what it feels like to be without them.....it sucks... so i do cherish almost every moment tht i can spend with them...this absense thing is at least proven with mutual love...im not sure with one-sided love...it will probably grow stronger only when u see the person u fall for...but in the absense...u r tested constantly for your absense and strength... one of the only ways to keep the love alive is to remind yourself why did u get urself in the spot in the first place...

These 2 are basically the major stuffs tht i realised i have achieved in learning in the US....just 2...but probably gonna b crucial in my life....=)

New Year Resolutions time!!...i did this soo late man....like 9 of january then i got arnd to think what do i want to achieve this year....well here it is...

1) Read 2 Business section articles everyday.

2) Focus on courage and destroying procrastinations.

3) GPA of 4.0 for both semesters (arguable).

4) Cleansweep every TKD tournament.

5) Work out (fitness) once a week, with or without friends.

haaaa.....there it is...now at least i got a record of what i want to achieve this year...last year didnt have anything to write on...not tht i got arnd to do it anyway....i just like have it on my mind only...Have a Great Year Ahead!!

Christmas Break

2007-01-08T09:52:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone!! man how long has it been since i blog...3 weeks?...i keep putting it off hahaha...kinda sucks though becos now the whole break only had one entry to sum up the great time i had here back home...=)....

Well at the beginning when i arrive in spore i had to say my family's reaction of my hair length is more or less what i have expected...hehe..well i cut it right away anyway..i myself cant stand it bcos its just wayy too long...so yea then i play santa claus when my friends and I meet...giving them presents and all..it actually felt nice...i had the chance of seeing a sentence in a person's blog..."I only give presents to those ppl who gave me presents for my birthday. Its justice."...(dont bother checking... its none of the people on my list.) i feel tht the person who wrote this dont really understand wads real love and giving means....and tht word justice...is just not the right word when it comes to describing the term 'giving'...its really kinda immature because if u really should not expect anything in return when u give something away...especially when it comes to love...heh reality kinda beats the crap out of us doesnt it....as it is said beautifully, "We are not virgins. Life has screwed us all."

hahahaha anyway to continue with my story... i went to indo and met cousins and wad a blast we had hehe...we had quite a fun time catching up and stuffs....then i lost a freakin camera...i don think i want to emphasize on tht because its just not pleasant....then i had a pretty bad encounter with food poisoning...or virus of some kind...apparently after i got it a lot of ppl i know was down with it too...so im the carrier...hehehehe...

anyway i just watch the movie 'Click'...i heard from other ppl tht they cried when they watch the movie...i was a bit skeptical when i heard abt it...because when i saw the preview of the movie its like another typical laugh-at-dumb-things movies...but i got my shocker when i watch it abt an hour ago...i did laugh pretty hard at some parts...but then nearing the ending its pretty touching and i kinda understand why they said they cried when they watch the movie...(and no i did not cry when i watch the movie...u can ask my sis..she is there when i watch the movie...)..but anyway...i don think i want to really talk abt wad kind of lessons the movie taught....bcos its really kinda self-explanatory...the movie in a way opened my eyes really abt the fact tht life is all about the journey, not the destination. Kinda brought me to tht timespan when Stuart told me about tht lesson abt life...This is life...this moment is all u have tht is certain...and the future is not gonna get better unless u make a change...be the change...=)

47th Week

2006-12-13T00:36:00.000-06:00

hey guys...didnt upload an entry last saturday bcos of FINALS!!...hehe now im done...i havent felt this free and happy since the Os...one thing is becos my smst's work is kinda done (except for an english portfolio due on thursday)...annddd...im going BACK!!...man im so excited for this...hehe i decided not to slp at all on thursday night since my flight is at 730am and im going to be picked up at 340am...hehe so i figured i will stay up all night...=)...cant wait to see u guys man...i cant believe wad a year this has been for me...i realise that my development as a person has surpassed probably even the personal development i experienced when im in sec 2...becos mainly i was put in a position of total discomfort...well in sec 2 it was just basically my "Intro to the personal development"...this year has been the advanced course for me...seriously advanced....hehe..i will save the year's reflections for another time...=)

"The Lord gives, and the lord takes away."...this quote is so true sometimes...if not all the time...sometimes u can be just so good in one thing but completely hopeless in another....and im saying really hopeless...for example..its not like u don know words....its as hopeless as u don even know the alphabets....i explored my web (mind and soul) this year quite a number of times...and the quote above is true to me in the case that...i think and act beyond my age sometimes....but when it comes to this relationship issues...for some reason im completely and utterly ...well...an idiot....its not that i do not know how to act in a relationship with people...but for some reason the creator-in-the-heavens has taken away all insights and wisdom i have in my other areas of my life and leave that BGR section empty...what the philosophers termed as 'tabula rasa'....i was kinda wondering sometimes if a person can really have it all...like getting your life together, you know...not only in the studies and friends...but also in those issues that some people call as the most complicated thing in the world...lol yea it can be complicated...but sometimes i think to myself...is it really that complicated?... sometimes i see people who has like 4 to 5 exs and still going strong and i wonder...how do they do it?....you probably know people who r like this too right...heh we should squeeze the secret out of them so the world can be a better place without too much complications...=)

46th Week

2006-12-03T00:15:00.000-06:00

SNOW STORM!!!...or in common terms...blizzard!!...hehe ok so this is what happened...on friday morning since my roommate got an earlier class than me he woke up earlier than me...then he called me.."Dan turn off your alarm clock...there wont be any class today because of the blizzard.."...then i was getting up from my pillow saying like..."huh..u serious..."..then i looked out the window and its SNOWING like nuts.....imagine a waterfall...but change the water to snowflakes...yea...tht heavy...then i checked my email and yeap...class are cancelled...i was like..'hehe nice..can slp longer..."...its about 730 morning...then i go back to slp and woke up at about 11...its still snowing like crazy..but then at abt 2 its sunshine..and its BEAUTIFUL....so my friends in the dorm decided we should have a 'little' snow fight...hehe hence the pict...sadly i only had this one pict and its at the beginning of the fight...after tht i dont dare to take out my camera because one...its numbingly cold....two...the cam is at the risk of getting slammed by snow...hehe...its a crazy snow fight...we first started with just throwing of snow balls...then comes slamming a chunk full of snow into ur face or hair...THEN ppl start to wrestle u to the ground...and when ppl wrestle u to the ground...they will drive ur face literally into the snow pile...and tht snow is just so cold tht i can still feel it now...out of the 2 times i got pinned...once i have about 5 ppl on top of me...yea imagine tht..hahahaha...but its fun though...and i still want to build a snowman once...we were too busy fighting to build one...haha..

heh other than the snow fight...nothing much happened during the week...because i was sick for almost the entire freakin week...heh and its about 2 weeks till i touch down on spore!!...man im so excited...=)....

45th Week

2006-11-25T22:42:00.000-06:00

heh...this is me in lord of the rings land...only thing wrong with this picture?...i had my eyes closed...hahaha...well this is taken in indo..not in US...and yep...its a really beautiful place...if i remember right at tht point of time im playing soccer with my cousin ..and im watching for the ball to come when someone took a pict...hehe...

Well this week is Thanksgiving week....and i sure had a good time and rest this week...on wednesday i actually did nothing at all the entire day but play a comp game i just bought...yesh the whole day...well u can take off the hours i sleep since i woke up at 1130...=)...then play until 6...then ate...then play until about 10....hehe...the game is called guildwars...if u got it...tell me!!!...we should play together...then i also had probably one of the biggest spending day i had since i come here...the day after thanksgiving..which is friday...is called black friday...its a day when almost everything and everywhere has a large sale...so me and my friends woke up at 330am...yes am...and go to a electronic store to to queue up...a bit extreme....but lemme list down what i got out for tht day...a new mouse (for comp)...speaker for comp...itrip...shoes...and mic for comp...all in all i spend about 250....a bit nuts man...well i didnt spend as much as i did when i bought my ipod and headphones...but this one is like so many electronic stuff!!...hehe i feel pretty happy when i get back home to set everything up...i think i find the difference between girls and guys when it comes to shopping...well this is kinda generalising but here is my theory...girls can spend the whole day in the mall buying clothes and shoes but men like me can spend just one hour in the mall and get bored...buuut...put a man (at least electronically inclined) in an electronic store and he can spend hundreds there...like one of my friends who spent 700 plus on tht day itself...hehe we had a blast man...

Thanksgiving is a time (at least in US) where everyone get together at dinner to take a moment to say what they are thankful for in their lives....so since i havent done the thanking...im gonna dedicate the rest of my blog to doing tht... firstly..i wanna thank my both my family for giving me the support i need when im here...thank you for giving me insights about how life is in the US and calling me to ask how im doing at times...=)....secondly i wanna thank my friends back in spore who..even though we didnt get to talk as often as we hav in my first smst...still served as people i can fall back on when i need consolation and help...thirdly...i wanna thank the friends tht i made here in the US bcos in this smst..i definitely got closer to u guys and now get to mess arnd with u ppl quite a lot...hahaha...i don think im actually doing justice by saying so little about what im thankful for...bcos theres definitely tons i can say tons about what im thankful for...but for now lets leave it at tht since i gotta get up early tmr....Happy ThanksGiving!! =)

44th Week

2006-11-19T00:42:00.000-06:00

i took this pict last semester during the spring break i think...heh artistic isnt it...click on the picture if u want to get a bigger and clearer picture...its really just beautiful when it snows and the snow got stuck on the tree branches... really kinda little ppl tht time since its during break...so i got a chance to get a good picture of some places on campus... but there are other times last smst and this smst tht i kinda regret not having my cam with me...there r time during this smst tht there r like 5 different colors on the road when im walking...bcos its fall..all the trees hav their own colors to change to..some brown...some red...some yellow...its just really really beautiful...then during spring the trees would just be blossoming and full of flowers...haaa...and it hasnt snow yet until now...damn..haha..its nice too when it snows...especially the ay after it snows heavily and the sun is out...it will b like..wow..=)...

i just watch james bond's new movie casino royale...while its a pretty good action movie...there is this scene where bond demonstrate his ability to read other people...i think to myself at this moment...wont it just be so valuable if u can read other people...as in like see through other people's mask...like if they r sad but they r masking themselves with happiness you r able to see through them...i mean..this will b such a valuable skill if u know friends who r sometimes enigmas to u...

However if i actually put myself in their position...i can sometimes understand why they r putting up a false front in front of ppl...they dont want ppl to see who they really r bcos if they do...they r scared tht ppl wont see them the same way anymore..for example....if u hav a friend who always seem indestructable..confident..cheerful...but if suddenly u found out tht he or she r actually insecure about being around ppl...hav relationship problems tht he or she always ran away from to keep his or her own self-image intact...would u b able to see tht friend in the same way?...yea u can definitely say u r a good friend and will see ur friend the same way...but still it will b hard to find friends who r so accepting of u...

this kinda ties in with wad i said in the last post...im not sure if im being pessimist or something bcos i hav been nothing but blessed with good friends...but for some reason i feel tht there is a justification for my pessimist views...as in philosophy terms "fallacious argument based on ignorance"...in other words...if im saying tht i will meet no friends tht wont accept me for who i am...thts wrong bcos if i havent meet one unaccepting friend, tht doesnt meet tht i wont meet one in the future....but well lets just put tht at the back of my mind...so tht if and only if i meet one in the future..i wont be shocked...

43rd Week

2006-11-12T02:07:00.000-06:00

Its 230am...haf an hour ago i just came back from work..wiu...they need extra ppl and so they call superman in to help...so wad to do...hahahaha...just jk...the weeks for some reason are getting slower and slower for me...or its just mayb im thinking towards the date too much...bcos before fall break the weeks flew by like nobody's business..but now like a bit slower..haha...o well...35 more days till my return!!...=)...im so looking forward to all the food and familiar places...and most of all...time with family and friends...anyway this pict was taken last week during the birthday dinner...the more low-key party than the saturday's one...we were playing a board game called the battle of the sexes...the one on my right is my roommate...on my left is the only singaporean in the university...the other two beside him are koreans...

this week im kinda reflecting on both the strength and good in the human spirit...something happened in our community this past week and it shocks all who are related dreadfully....we lost sleep...lost appetite...hav difficulty concentrating...all those bad stuffs when u r really upset about something...my whole weekend was definitely screwed bcos i was related too...cant put my mind into anything...after a while when i got better i thought this event might divide our community...and im pretty ashamed to actually hav this cross my mind at all...what surprises me is tht...this afternoon the ones who are related got together to reflect on this event...how we feel and what can we do to help...i was pleseantly surprised at the good people have...really...u noe sometimes when ppl kinda mess around...joke so much...and ur impression of them are just tht they r jokers....but this event led me to believe tht there is almost always a side tht ppl have when crisis occurs....i am blessed enough to have ppl who are so supportive...so helpful...so future-looking...they are just so nice ppl... they are like going all out to help...its just a really nice feeling when u noe u have ppl to fall back on when u suddenly face a huge crisis...friends who are able to accept u for who u r are just so valuable and hard-to-find....and in time of crisis friends will show their true sides....im just so blessed and thankful to have them in my life...

another issue that is kinda related is the word belief...it sometimes take crisis to help emphasize how important some basic values are....i just watched a part of my fav season 5 episode in smallville again...its titled "fragile"...well its about this girl who kinda lose her self-identity and not sure about herself and no confidence....the episode shows how clark let her believe in herself by telling her assuring statements that probably plays a crucial role in building her own self-belief...i feel tht this is probably one of the very crucial things tht parents...brothers...sisters...cousins...friends....gf bf should do when they see someone close to them feel unsure about themself...a simple "everything is going to be alright" or hug can go a very long way for a person who is in very difficult situation... i know tht statement of everything is going to be alright can sometimes be untrue bcos of how much trouble the person is in...but sometimes he is just so drowned in murky waters that he needs someone to pull him out of this state...bcos continuing to be welled up in our own troubles and crisis can be damaging to our spirits... this is probably the reason why its critical to find good friends...which again i must say...im thankful and blessed to have in my life....=)

42nd Week

2006-11-05T00:03:00.000-06:00

heh..let me start with saying this is the most american-college weekend i had every had since i come here...i go to 2 parties this weekend..one on friday night and one just now...well on both occasions its pretty luck i didnt drink any alcohol...i kinda had enough alcohol at the start of the semester when i got kinda drunk...so i don think i really want to risk it again becos tmr i got quite a lot of work to do....so well the friday's party wasnt wild...BUUT the one i just came back from...geezuz its so freaking wild...bcos its about haf of our tkd club in the party...so we all hav a drinking game...well not me...they hav a drinking game...all in all....they drink 15 rounds....its just hilarious to watch them do stuffs during the game when they r partly drunk...wads even more priceless is tht my tkd master is also playing (hes 21)....so after a while he got drunk and got reaaallllyyy loud...the whole apartment was just so noisy...he is just dancing away when there is no music at all...wads so annoying is tht i forgot to bring my camera to take all the picts...maaan if i hav my camera...next week's post is going to b like full of my master there making a complete fool of himself....

last week i didnt get a chance to talk about something quite important....nowadays im realising about the importance of our 'why' in our lives....bcos sometimes when things get really hectic..u start to lose ur energy and become lost....then when u r in this particular position u suddenly become unfocus...thinking why am i doing this..thinking of very dumb things like why don i just give all this up...thinking that no one is actually going to benefit from this...all these dumb stuffs suddenly come creeping to u when u become mentally and spiritually lost...i noe bcos thts the position im in a few weeks ago...i bcome so busy tht suddenly in the midst of everything i ask myself.."wads the purpose of all these?...why do i hav to work this hard?...why don i just don give a fudge and play during the weekends like other college kids?"....i was lost and losing more and more energy as each day passed....even calls to my parents doesnt help me cheer up anymore...then i go to my source of wisdom...Stuart Tan...i posted the qst i asked him a few weeks ago...but im gonna write again...

Me: Hey Stuart,What do you do when at some point in life, things really get hectic and stressful, and you start asking yourself, "Is this all there is to life?"How do you break out of the hectic pattern?

Stuart: Well, Daniel,
That's really all there is to life. Without your pains and your problems, it's difficult to appreciate what you have when it isn't hectic. The most important question for you is, do you want life the way it is now, and do you want it to change? If you invested in something else and pushed youself beyond where you thought you could go, are you going to?
Stretching is an important concept here. Stretch yourself to strive for excellence. This will be a challenge to you, but I believe you will grow. Think of yourself as a piece of iron going through the molding process. You are under pressure - that's why you'll be a better blade!

When i read his reply...i started to see the spark in the middle of all the fog.... i realised tht wad im doing wrong is tht i keep on asking myself..."is this all there is to life?"....Stuart mentioned..."duh"...hahahaha..well not duh but yea its from wad he mentioned above la...wad he taught me is tht...yes...this is all there is to life...my job is not to whine about it and dream about a better day....my job is to make this hectic moments as enjoyable as i could...and as i enjoy myself during these moments...i will grow through challenges...failures...and successes...thts wad i learn from wad he said....the lesson is sometimes just so simple but yet so elusive...its just bcos sometimes all these hectic work and schedules form fog and mist tht u lose ur vision of purpose and values..this is the same as those scenarios u see on tv when a husband and father just got so busy with his work tht he forgot wads really important in his life...his wife and children....well in my case not so deep hahaha...just for now completing my bachelor's degree with gpa of 3.5 is quite a handful for me...heh and later ppl ask me if i already get girlfriend or not...-_-ll..damn i cant even maintain a respectable gpa for pete's sake...and im still pretty young...hehe so i got a loooonnngg way to go....=)

41st Week

2006-10-29T00:20:00.000-05:00

hoho...look at tht picture...isnt it artistic....i took it this afternoon at about 12...thought its a nice enough day outside and the sun was shining into my dorm room..so i decided to do another silhouette photo....i just kinda decide to do it spontaniously...so my hair is still kinda messed up...=)
went to another tkd testing this morning...im going up the rank pretty fast man...hehehe...about a year more than i probably can reach black belt in tkd and my second as a member of the martial arts world....

lol talk about writer's block....i just cant focus for some reason now....even though i have some of the most beautiful music in the world now....i mean beautiful as in the classical type....im now listening to a music track from king kong movie...if u guys watch the movie...u may remember the scene where king kong and the lead actress was kinda spending their last happy moments in central park...playing on the frozen small lake...well im listening to tht scene's background music now...its just really beautiful and soothing....another song tht i recommend for the disturbed soul is 'Into the West' by howard shore in the lord of the rings soundtrack and 'A Hard Teacher' from the last samurai soundtrack...they can really calm your sould whenever u feel distracted...sad...or wadever feelings tht is not tht favorable....enjoy =)

40th Week

2006-10-22T01:53:00.000-05:00

yooo...hehe even though this week since thursday is mid term break....for some reason i still am able to find some stuffs to be busy with...on thurday i went to chicago to meet indo consulate about some event stuffs...then the whole day kinda taken up bcos of the trip...then friday i woke up and study for about 2 hours then play bball then come back a little too tired for studying....then today!!...hehe i went for another tkd tournament...which is y im showing off those trophies to u now...haha...well actually only the 2 on the left are the new ones...as in i won them today...while the other 2 i won last smst....and its understandable if u ask wad rank trophies they are....well they r first..=)...i got a cleansweep today....took first place in all 3 divisions i competed in...but they got trophies shortage...so darn it...i hav to wait....i just cant stop showing them off now...so bear wif me a bit...wahaha...

this smst man is quite a big temptation for me....or should i say temptations....i meet seriously quite a number of pretty girls.....for some reason its only this smst when i meet them...last smst i only remembered one tht kinda caught my eye in one of my classes...but she already had a boyfriend...so kinda out of bounds...hehe...but this smst man....daaammnn...yea i sound like a freakin perv here...but seriously...for me it goes deeper than just be gawking at the girls....its both of whether i hav the correct mind set enough to know my priorities..orrrr...if i hav the balls to ask them out....its up to u in which point of view u wanna take...but yea for me its kinda both bcos my schedule is seriously hectic this smst...im not kidding u...but also on the other hand as much as i wanna believe that...i know for now i don hav enough courage to ask a girl out...not yet anyway....wads more almost all the girls i met are older than me...but most didnt know im 17 too...heh...well at least when i went to the tournament today i met a girl who is probably younger than me bcos her sis who is already a black belt is 17...so i assumed shes younger....but anyway,...yea the younger one tht i spoke to really kinda caught my attention...but as much as i wanna get her number or wadever....don u think its kinda hard for me who only knew her for only a few minutes of talking and shes not even in the same university and i don hav a car to fecth her?....heh yea im making all the excuses...well they r wise excuses...
some people say when it comes to love matters u use ur heart....but i say use your brain to put a restrain on ur heart...becos heres my theory....our heart and emotion are powerful stuff...so powerful tht if u don get a handle of it...u may just lose control...like i did a few years back....one of the most important lessons i took away from tht is use ur mind to interpret wadever ur heart says....the common belief of ur heart being more romatic more than ur brain is only partly right...just partly....just think on tht theory for a second...im not really kinda elaborate bcos for some reason my mind just go blank...hahaha....anyway....7 more weeks till i return!! =)

39th Week

2006-10-15T00:15:00.000-05:00

hello hello...isnt tht picture beautiful...its taken in bishan park...hahahaha...yea right...its actually taken in new zealand...im still shorter than both my parents at tht time...its like in 2003..now im taller!!..huahuahua....anyway yea if u guys like to go on a vacation and taking a break from emails and phone calls for businesses or homework or project meetings....go to new zealand...im telling u...tht place can soothe and calm the most complex and hectic minds in the world...endless mountains...lush forests....winding rivers...clear lakes...its just such a fantasy on earth...u cant blame peter jackson for shooting lord of the rings there...i hav one more photo tht if u put aragorn and legolas in it...u will think its actually from the movie...becos its just a magnificent view...

heh just now i watch a clip from a movie...im not sure wad the name of the movie is but steve martin is the main character...so he is walking down his daughter down the aisle...and...something strikes me.... one day...one day..one of my friends or my sister (yes J, it can b u one day) can be tht girl in the white gown walking towards the man whom she will spend her life with....and at tht moment..i can actually imagine myself thinking..."wow..wad a journey has it been..."...i kinda partly understand now why parents cry during the wedding ceremony...seeing their child grown up....a part of them progressing into another chapter of his or her life...realising tht (mayb for the first time) their child is grown up and is ready to face the world...is all pretty overwhelming...i cant really put them all into words..but trust me...when the day comes when u see ur child walking down tht aisle...u will feel it..i noe i noe..a little too far fetched...but as i said b4...nv hurts looking ahead...better than looking behind anyway...

its usually also during those times tht time is going and going and going....its during those times tht..if u r the friend of the bride or groom...tht u kinda wanna say..."the day when i met him or her the first time was just like ytd..."...its also during those times tht u realise..."damn...i am getting old..." hahaha...yea well i had quite a lot of those moments this year...well not in a wedding definitely..but when im going to do the things tht usually the older ppl will do...like opening a bank account...paying wif credit card...going for job interviews..we can get to a position when we say..."nah this is for our parents to do.."...then we suddenly think to ourself.."hey..we r old enough now..."...hahaha...ever had those times where ur mom and dad put something out of ur reach in the closet and one day...u just reach for it and grab it....and u go like..."hey!..i got it!!.."...haha...for me its only then tht i think to myself...where did the time of me just looking at tht chocolate bar longingly on the top closet and cant get it?...well don call me dumb for not getting a chair for increased height...but i wasnt tht smart at tht time....hahahaha....but yea..childhood huh...where did it go....sometimes i feel the problem with reality is tht... u actually hav to go through the future to understand tht the present is sometimes better...tht was how i feel about reality...sometimes at present..u think to yourself..."how i wish i can go back to those times..",,...BUT during "those times"....u think to urself the same thing..just tht u wanna go back to an earlier past...well..at least tht was wad happened to me...learning to let go from time to time can be difficult huh....yea...telll me about it...-_-

38th Week

2006-10-08T00:08:00.000-05:00

hey ppl...check out the new pict of me in the tkd club!!..heh yea im showing off...made some pretty good friends there...all older than me..one even 27 years old...thts like a decade older than me...hahaha...heres the funny thing...my coach is 21 yrs old...(hes the guy 4th from the right..kinda in the back ground)...but he is a 4th degree black belt!!!...thts like another degree to the title master...its nuts man..he studies gymnastics too..so u can imagine how awesome his kicks are...if u wanna see a bigger (and clearer) picture u can visit the Marquette TKD....=)...

lol my weeks are getting more and more mudane as the weeks pass...but heres the good thing...its passing by pretty quick for me...sometimes on thursday evening i was like..."damn...its thurday already?"...let december 15 come faster!!...
i just downloaded this song called "If We Hold On Together" by Diane Ross...its a theme song from the Land Before Time....its a pretty old cartoon but quite a classic one...its in the music video section for this week...even though its peter pan stuffs...the song is from the dino cartoon...its just bcos i cant find the song's music video so i put peter pan's in...when i hav the time...im actually planning to make a class photo slide show video with this music in the background....it will b so beautiful....but tht is...when i hav the time...
im running out of subjects to talk for now...but stick arnd for more subjects to come..hahaha..

37th Week

2006-10-01T00:25:00.000-05:00

woo...coming into the 6th week of the semester...time just flies by and i do hope it flies even faster....then when i come back to spore and indo it will slow down....its just so crazy how time flies by when we r busy with our own lives....its lucky that from the beginning i always set saturday nights for a time where i can put all books away and sit down..calm my mind...and pour out my thoughts of the week into the blog...its just a little amazing how much sometimes a person can accumulate in his mind when even though the schedule is hectic...
heh anyway this picture was taken in 2003 i think....yea...looonng time ago...but i still remember tht moment when the picture was taken....we were all in some kind of resort house in indonesia in the mountains...so its kinda cool the temperature...then tht night we went out to by firecrackers...or i don really know the technical name of it...but we want to play with it...so me and my sis...having grown up in singapore..are virgins to firecrackers...so we let our cousins experts to do the work..heh..the master is the one in the middle in front...heh he told this really sick story of his childhood when he put the firecracker on a pile of cow dung.....he set it off and if u can imagine wad happen....u r right..the cowdung all fly in different direction...wahahaha...its quite hilarious when u think of it.

I think 2 weeks ago i was asked by one of my us friends wad kind of things do i find different here then in where i grew up...well i practically grew up in spore bcos in indo i was barely conscious to make any stupid and naughty decisions...heh thts wad childhood is all about right?...making stupid...damn funny and naughty decisions tht u will know will end up badly...well anyway...i answered her tht im envious of the childhood they hav in the US...i mean trust me i couldnt even start to imagine wad kind of person i will b if i grew up the way they were...not tht its bad...bcos usually asians will think americans childhood are just so wild...well im looking in the other aspect of wild...i mean...my roommate gets to hold a rifle at the age of 12....then in school he mentioned there is someone who set off a thousand mice for april fools....can u imagine tht??...i mean if tht happens in kcp...hehe it will be a sight to behold...my roommate sails too...heh where can u get to do tht in spore?...spore river?...use fan blow the sail?...haha yea i noe im being dumb...i think there r sailing stuffs in east coast or something...but i don think its offered for an activity....wad i said was....the people in spore may come out smarter when they graduate from universities...but people graduating from us universities will hav had more fun and coming out more streetsmart...plus....everyone gets to drive here by the age of 16!!...i feel like an idiot without a driver's license...how get gf like tht??? take bus?...wahaha...heh anyway those dilemmas i had about girls a few weeks ago...now i got a valid excuse for ignoring the pressure of whether to answer love's knock on my door or not...TIME...yea...im almost squeezed dry for time now...but at least its a vaild enough excuse...=)..

i got to watch a bit of armageddon ytd....geez i love the movie man....feel like getting the dvd of it... so cool yet so moving at the same time...if u guys watch it...u may remember the last part when bruce willis say his goodbye to his daughter...pretty moving scene...sometimes i keep thinking...if there is anyway i wanna leave this earth...tht will be the way...leaving a legacy...catch the movie if u havent!!...i guarantee u u will love it...=)

36th Week

2006-09-24T00:12:00.000-05:00

Yo ppl...argh last week i thought i hav to create a whole new blog bcos there seems to be something wrong bcos i cant see my blog page at all...but anyway i found wads the problem and its pretty dumb...so here i am..=)...so wondering wads tht thing in the picture?....for those of u who go to the hospital often may recognize it as some kind wrist band for the patients...heh its on mine 2 weeks ago...so this is wad happened...i participated for a tkd demonstration 2 weeks ago for a number of sections...namely board breaking and sparring....well i only got to one of them....not even one...during the sparring match....my 'opponent' and i kinda got a little stagnant...so i thought i can make the match a little interesting...i went in to attack him...and the next thing i remember was waking up 15 mins later....heh...the thing is tht when i went in for the attack...the guy did a back kick on me...basicallly a kick whereby a person turns around and kick using his heel...i didnt use a mouth guard at tht point too...so wad i heard from my friends is tht they just saw me lying motionless on the floor....they thought i was kidding around...but they kinda get the message when both my coaches hav to carry me off the main area...the audience at tht point i heard was kinda all have their hands on their mouth...it sounds kinda glorious...but if u noe how it feels like to be in tht position...u wont ever be in tht moment ever....even though i was conscious...i didnt know wad was happening around me...my head was sooo hurting that it feels like its splitting right in the middle....after only about 15 minutes later tht i gain more awareness...and aware of the fact tht my lips is torn on the inside...if some of my sec 3 peace ppl know wad happened to me in sec 3 in class where i tried to b a monkey...yea the same thing happened to my lips except now its on the left side...
then i wasdriven to the hospital emergency care by police....haha the coach actually called the police...but don get shocked by the word emergency...they took like 45 mins b4 a doctor come and check me...did a brain scan on me bla bla bla...lol then i called my mum...first words are..."Mah...Im in the hospital now..."..wahahaha...yea well she freaked out defintely,....oh well wad do u expect...but well im ok now...so its ok...=)

haha....crazy way to start off the new semester...first i got drunk for the first time...then this thing happened...lol my resident assistant....basically the one they call when i got into an accident...told me..."What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.."...heh how timely is tht huh...=)....but yea..this semester has been a real stretch for me again,...but not as big of a stretch like last semester...this semester kinda tested me heavily on my time management mostly...i go school in the morning..afternoon work...night usually either work out or tkd...then weekend do all hw...darn it a bit siao...

Oh ya....now i realise wads the definition of Business casual...means formal long sleeve clothes without tie...i went for a career fair last week...and i went in polo T and black pants...i thought i should be ok...when i got there...i saw ppl with blazers...i was like "oh damn"...i feel so lucky im a freshman...becos if i actually hav to look for internship...i would probably bury my head in the ground throughout the fair...everyone look so formal..then i went for a business talk by Best Buy Chief Financial Officer and VP Darren Jackson...who is a graduate from marquette...How COOL is tht??..hes a pretty funny guy too...i could dare say tht he started off almost similarly as me..his gpa coming into college was B-...and got a 19 for ACT (Im not sure how much is tht...but he said they gave u an 18 for writing your name...haahahaha...i think tht was a joke...)...he is also quite hopeless when it comes to girls!!...bcos he told a story on how he met his wife in marquette...
But now he is like in the board of trustees for the university and voted for quite a number of titles...and he only about 40...to me he is something like a help to me everytime i get a bad grade...bcos he shows tht grades doesnt mean anything...it helps...but its not as important as personality and spirit...=)....

34th Week

2006-09-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

heya guys...heh this photo was taken about a year and haf ago...heh my dad told me i look like darth vader in this photo...hahaha anyway..this has been quite a week for me...for things to start off...last sunday first time i got drunk...being drunk actually feels worse...but for me..tht was drunk enough...hehe....ok it went like this...my friends called me up at 11 to ask me to come to one of my friends' place to surprise another friend for her birthday...we r gonna surprise her at 12am...so anyway...i came to her place...then a friend offered me a milkshake but with a bit of alcohol in it...so i drank it...and started to feel warm...so thts tht...then everyone drank beer...me being the youngest one...drank a sparkling with about 10% alcohol in it...its about the size of a small tiger beer bottle...so haf way through we all drank champagne...so not wanting to b a spoilsport...i drank it too...i started to feel so warm and a little giddy....then while everyone was drinking shots...i continued drinking the sparkling...its ironic bcos at this moment i was suddenly curious how does it feel to be drunk...anyway i continued to drink...until its finished...at THT point..i can hear the pulse beating in my head...i was so warm tht my arms is tomato-red...my eyes were half-closed...my friends were all kinda concerned bcos im known among my friends to b the young one and a person who cannot withstand alcohol...they r like 'stand up...walk arnd...drink water...'...then we watch a movie...i was like 'blleea...yeaa..im ok...' my eyes during those moments were like haf closed...even though i want to wide open my eyes...it cannot stay open for a second...so half throughout the movie...i decided to go back to my dorm room when i feel a little better...my stomach by then got tht warning of me gonna throw up...so yea i got back...luckily safely...luckily i did not throw up...but i was like gonna fall over anytime when i got back...so i hit my bed and slept..heh...interesting start to the week...

THEN...the most tragic and shocking news came in the morning...steve irwin passed away....well u noe how i feel abt the issue la...but yea it is tragic...a person actually said kinda...'don go into this line of work...'...but to me...it is actually some kind of inspiration...to me...i prefer to live a short but full of meaning like his...rather than a long but full of mediocre achievements...his death inspire me to want to achieve my goal even more...a few years back i wanted to open and manage my own nature park...but now i thought to myself...if i don hav the expertise...i cant really make tht much of an impact...or even worst i can screw up and end up destroying wad i want to save...so instead i reformed my goal...i will pump at least 1 million usd into a well-known conservation grp...like steve irwin's zoo or one of his conservation grps "Wildlife Warriors"...but yea...i figured with their help my money can be managed and used more effectively by the people who has been doing this for years better than me....but this goal will be accomplished when im 50...so damn it...its still quite a long way...but if i bcome successful earlier in life...i will pump the money into conservation...in the name of steve irwin...u noe wads the ironic thing...i imagined myself meeting steve irwin myself when i donated the money into his organisation...i imagined myself signing the contract and shaking hands with him...haiz..now its not possible...but im actually honored enough if i can just meet one of the members of his family...

A couple of weeks earlier i actually thought of wad purpose actually means...wad i read in the 'Purpose-Driven Life' is tht 'It's not about you.'...lol it take me some time to realise tht....i noe la harry, u would probably b saying..."took u long enough'.....yea well it takes some solid examples for me to realise tht...like steve irwin...i realise tht our purpose is to contribute in one way or another to the people or animals around us...in my point of view...i think we hav different purpose for everyone we meet...bcos i came across a quote mayb about a week ago...it goes like this..."Think you will not have a impact in this world? Too late. There are people whom you meet who would never be the same again, for better or for worse, after meeting and knowing you."....this quote..to me..kinda highlights my understanding of..well..at least my purpose...my purpose is you...the people around me...for now tht is my purpose...and when im bcome more powerful...not like superman powerful..haha...but like hav more power to make a difference...i will expand this purpose...bcos its probably us tht is going to hav to definie wad our purposes are in this world...well so much abt me talking abt such noble stuffs....for now im just a student living in a world full of complications, challenges and questions....but what is a world without these 3? heaven?...

Tribute to Steve Irwin

2006-09-04T21:49:00.000-05:00

This entry is a tribute to the loving memory of Steve Irwin. Great conservationalist, great environmentalist, great father. When I read the news this morning after lunch I did not believe my eyes at all. It's something which I thought I will never live to see. It's just so sad the fact that there is no warning what-so-ever to this tragedy.
Steve had done the world such a favour that it is very hard for others to do what he did. He brought wildlife literally into the living rooms of those who doesn't have the chance to see animals and nature in the wild (like me). I am actually still in a bit of denial of the fact that Steve Irwin, the Steve Irwin, has passed away. When I watched CNN showing his past interview with Larry King, he is just so full of energy that I think few people who went on Larry King before ever had.

Steve, to me, has and will always be an inspiration. When I was about 14 and 15 years old, I watch his shows almost daily, just being captured by his actions and enthusiasm around animals. It is because of him, and another environmentalist Jeff Corwin (but thats another story), that inspired me to help animals in the future. I have always wanted to be like him, you know, catching snakes, going in the wild, being an educator to the people about misunderstood animals. His enthusiasm for conservation and animals is just unparalled. When I see other environmentalist try to do a tv show that has the same goal of educating the people, I can see that just by comparison, Steve is unique. What he said about God putting him in this world for a purpose is true. His purpose is to help animals and educate the world about them. He, like none other environmentalists, has exposed misunderstood animals like snakes, spiders and crocodiles in a positive light. He has made them into animals which people not come to fear, but to respect.

His last words to his manager and his long-time friend was, "I had a great time these past few days and had a great life." (It's something like that, I don't remember as much).
Steve, this is from all the animals in the Animal Kingdom and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Rest in Peace.

33rd Week

2006-09-03T00:42:00.000-05:00

Yo ppl...heh see any difference in my room?...haha the posters man....arent they just beautiful....so anyway..First Week Back in School!!...its really fun to be back in marquette...first thing is definitely the friends i met again...especially the indonesians...i just came back from dinner with them and im telling u...its one of those times when i remember for a lifetime bcos of one...i laugh so much tht my cheek kinda hurt after a while...the laughters is due to the fact tht we r playing this knowledge game...kinda a knowledge game with the question and answer but the answer must be presented in 4 different ways...heh its just too long for me to explain ...but i had such a blast with my team of complete jokers....even though we ended up in the third position (out of 4)....we had so much laughter tht i don really care abt it...hahahaha....

then the second thing y i will remember it so much is the fact tht i actually drank shots...im not sure wads the technical term for it...i drank just 2 of it luckily...so i didnt get drunk or anything...just that my body got very hot and warm....its not nice i tell u...its soo strong for me...even though for others they say its ok...but me im probably not tht strong for alcohol drinks...but the event is initiation...its an event where they bully the freshman...so since im still considered one..they bully me and ask me questions...if i got them wrong...i hav to drink haf a shot...heh i get a discount bcos the indos know im not so strong towards alcohol..(they forced me to drink beer b4 too) hahaha....wad i said abt them in the first few entries r so true abt them...they r like home in milwaukee for me...whenever im hanging out wif them...i don feel as if im in milwaukee at all..its like im back in spore...i hop u guys will get a chance to meet these great ppl one day...=)

well other than tht...its quite ridiculous tht in 4 classes...im the only asian...and the classes aint small...they r like 30 to 40 ppl...i was like hmm...the only class where there is asian has like 200 ppl in it...so yea thts pathetic...heh and its hard to skip classes too..=P..hahahahaha...since the lecturer will definitely know as there is no asian in the class on the day i skip..hahahaim just joking...i usually skip classes for good reason...last smst i skip abt 3 classes...one was bcos im so sick tht i feel like my head was anchored...then another occasion i overslept in the library as i slept like only 4 hours the previous day...the other one i forgot....heh...

then i went to organisation fest...its called CCA orientation in spore...well when i went to my organisation's stand...i met more familiar faces which really kinda made me happy... we definitely had fun attracting customers to join our tkd club....OH YA!..guess wad..i got quite many feedbacks abt my new look....my thick hair tht is..2 ppl said i look like liu kang...u noe tht mortal kombat guy in the movie...generally the main character of the movie....=)...then wads even more far-fetched is tht 2 other ppl...one guy one girl...say tht i look like F4's dao ming si...lol..i noe wads on u guys' mind..."YA RIGHT!!"...and then u guys will do tht vomit action (J, control yourself from really vomitting...ur bro is getting a compliment and u should b proud of it=))...hahaha..right??...yea well when i heard it i was like.."really?"...well im realistic enough to know tht im not even close to daoming si...but since ppl say so..hahaha...im not gonna reject it or anything..hahaha....wad u guys think?...dao ming si or liu kang? (u can google liukang if u want)...or u guys might even tell me wad i look like now...(please be nice, ppl)

32nd Week (Summer)

2006-08-26T22:24:00.000-05:00

Hello ppl...Back in Milwaukee now!...and yep i watched Disney's musical Beauty and The Beast and its AWESOME!!...for some reason after watching beauty and the Beast, the producers of Phantom of the opera should fire their prop designer ....bcos as much as im a fan of the phantom musical..i definitely cannot deny the fact tht the props and the presentation of beauty and the beast is tons better than phantom...but don get me wrong...phantom is a classic...both musicals grasped me in different ways...phantom definitely the music and just how classic it is..(it is only the longest running musical in history)...but it also bores me with the set and props since i think the props can be improved tremendously..whereas beauty and the beast they definitely captured me with the way they present the musical...so freakin colorful and imaginative...for example...can u imagine they use glass beer mugs to create music and dance?...but the music ..other than the original tracks from the cartoon...is not as good as i hoped it would be....so yea theres a give and take...=)

And of coz i hav a new dorm room from now till next may...and am i so glad to hav this particular dorm room....as u can see above in the pict...its sooo big...thts just my side of the room...my roommate has his bed up in a loft...thts wad i did on the first day but after slping so high up for one night...i figured i might prefer it to be more down-to-earth...hahahaha....cos i don want to fall 2m from the ground when i wake up early in the morning....anyway if u guys been in my room b4 back in spore...this dorm room is twice as big....not counting the toilet....so yea...picture tht...and my roommate is quite a blast...he provides everything...he actually brought a flat screen tv and stereos...hehe im going to hav a lot of fun watching the new season of smallville and nba games...but yea...anyway if u guys see clearly i hav some things from spore...see the class photos above the laptop?...and j...if u see clearly u can see ur superman creation up there as good as new..=)...hahaha...and the card tht u guys made for me on my D-day is there too!!...hehe kind of a relic from spore...now wad i need is just posters...bcos if u look at my roommate's side of the room...his walls r full of car and plane posters....mine is very white compared to his....but well i love this dorm room compared to last smst...=)

A grp of my roommate's and my friends just left from the room for a movie...yea well we do hav a flat screen tv in our room..hahaha..anyway..theres still tht bit of barrier i've been wanting for it to disappear...well for one thing i definitely stand out bcos im like the only asian there...as much as i wanna talk...it still feels like theres tht bit of barrier..(but don get me wrong..they r very nice ppl)...its still the same pressure im feeling of not wanting to b labelled as an anti-social...and as i hav promised myself a few weeks ago..one of my goals this smst is to make more american friends...tht can b quite a challenge bcos their lifestyle is just quite different from mine...come on ppl...u guys know urself tht i stay home quite a lot...even in spore i don go out for shopping or 'kai kai' (did i spell tht right?)....so u can imagine the ppl here who drinks in pubs and drive arnd the country..going fishing...my roommate alone sails and races...how cool is tht...heh...and i actually planned to study tonight...on a saturday night b4 school even starts....i noe how it sounds...but i did come back ealier to milwaukee to read ahead...but i better get into a bit of social gathering by watching movie with them...bcos as much as i wanna get good grades...i don want to be a nerd either... probably one of the first times in my life i actually got 'peer-pressured'....my choices are either study and appear like a total retard...or join them for the movie...so yea figure tht out (well its a good movie at least)...oh well...but my other goal this smst is to get a perfect gpa of 4....considering the mediocre grades tht i received last smst, i hav to make this smst good...wish me luck on tht one....

well i don feel all tht wisdomic this week....i hav some topics to talk on actually..so i will save it for next week..=)...hey for those of u who r having hols now...Have Fun!!..and uh for those who r having exams..heh...hav fun too...

31 Week (Summer)

2006-08-19T20:49:00.000-05:00

Wondering wads behind the closed curtain?... Phantom of the Opera!!...heh i watched the musical on wednesday and even though it didnt really measure up to my expectations....its still pretty cool to finally catch the musical i hav been dreaming of watching since i watched the movie itself...well the movie version is definitely more colorful...but the musical on theatre is definitely a classic...a beautiful lead actress...a powerful-voiced lead actor... the drama...the gothic feeling...its just all so nice...the impact is not as impressive as the movie ones though...yea well also bcos its just the voice of the performers live without editing wadsoever...whereas the movie version the impact of the music seemed so powerful bcos of the sound editting and intergration probably...so yea...Phantom of the Opera!!! Now i cant wait for my next musical...Beauty and the Beast...tht one is going to be so cool man...but i want to do my best not to hav such a high expectation when i watch it..as i did in phantom...which leads to a bit of a disappointment...heh...
And then i went to one of the most beautiful and biggest parks in the world...Central Park!...tht place is big man...seriously..they hav a zoo in the park itself..can u imagine a zoo in bishan park?..hahahaha....but yea..as u can see for urself in the pict...the park is really beautiful...i got 2 more picts...they r all uploaded in my friendster account if u guys wanna see...=)...
come to think of it...i hav actually been to quite a few movie sets this summer...like the central park and columbia university....central park played host to one of the scenes in movies like home alone...mr deeds....whereas there are scenes in movies like spiderman 1 and 2 and hitch tht are played in columbia university....pretty cool huh?...its like when i watch the movies i go "Hey i was there!"..haha...

"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he should be, and he will become what he could be." ...this quote kinda dispel my doubts abt the parents' role in the children's development into a good person..u see..i have always wondered...ppl say "Accept the people around you as who they are."....but then wad if he or she has a personality of a jackass?....of coz a parent shld put the child back in the right direction when he or she is not going the desirable direction...but wad makes the process successful is the delivery of the message...like the type of punishment the child shld receive...if u ask me the child shld receive a punishment thts quick...tht was wad i learnt in psychology too....a punishment is most effective when it is quickly and firmly delivered...all children need boundaries...we also need people to push us from time to time...so as to expand our comfort boundary...=)

30th week (Summer)

2006-08-12T22:15:00.000-05:00

hey ppl wads up...been quite an eventful week this one...both good and bad events...kinda sucks bcos i don really want my summer to end this way...even though i hav abt 2 musicals coming up...somehow everytime i think of some of the bad events tht happened this past week...i feel tht it may just overshadow the 2 musicals....

well...first thing is definitely the fact tht suddenly i felt nostalgic....its probably from the fact tht the only friend i had during this past one and haf month is my roommate...for some reason these past few days i keep thinking of my friends back in spore and milwaukee (yea i made a couple of good friends there already)....worse of all is spore la...everytime i think of them it just really make my heart feel heavy....yea well nostalgic duh....i miss everything...family..friends...environment...the ease i feel when im arnd them...my beloved cousins back in indo....i already bought the ticket back home anyway...but still the memories just keep coming and coming and coming.....feel pretty miserable everytime tht happens...like go into a trance for a while...then the effects hit full blow....i really cant wait till the day of my arrival back in spore...
but u see...heres the catch for me...when i come back...there r ppl who will definitely b wanting to know how my grades r....such as my parents and their friends....the pressure sometimes can b so unbearable tht i feel like running away to the safe haven of my friends and cousins....where they accept me for who i am...no matter how i did in school....i know if my parents read this they will probably say.."hey i accept u for who u r no matter ur grades!"....well...heres my theory,"We are not what we think, we are not what we say, we are not what we feel. We are what we do."....and wads reality is tht i can feel the pressure so much so tht u don even need to say it to let me know...sometimes u say somethings tht u don even understand...and for some reason u probbaly think u r right bcos i don hav anything to say...well i don hav anything to say bcos it really does kinda hurt...u said everyone goes thru this exp and everyone lives wif the nostalgia and everyone can live thru it...everyone shld get a gpa of 3.8 and above in their first semester and if tht someone doesnt...hes not good enuff....well...for those of u reading this u probably can conclude easily enough tht im not doing well in my schoolwork right....yea u r right..i didnt do well for my second summer course...i havent got my final grade yet...but still theres tht gut feeling...haiz...

sometimes don u tink the most powerful prisons in our lives are the ones tht we created for ourself?...for some reason i find it so hard to tell someone tht i hav troubles ..so much so tht i wonder y am i so afraid to open up...sometimes ppl can ask me if anything is wrong...and even if there is...i sometimes don even say...it voilates my principles of letting ppl help of coz..since i myself hav always told ppl tht its best to talk abt it..makes me look like a hypocrite....but for me tht very 'prison' i created for myself is tht almost automatic-defense mechanism i developed...which also y i always looked for techniques and self-mastery ways to forget and 'distort' the events tht haunt me...but i don think anything can replace the power of human love...as in the caring gestures tht can b received...this is probably y i love smallville so much too...just seeing somebody with all the smarts and money like lex doesnt mean he will turn out a good guy...while clark...relatively poor and not as smart as lex...turns out to b superman...i always did my best to put my faith tht everytime i did not get good grades i tell myself good grades arent everything....but well...ppl can pretty much break this faith easily by comparisons....

29th Week (Summer)

2006-08-05T21:45:00.000-05:00

hey ppl....one more week left for summer classes!!....then time to look forward to 2 musicals!!..hehe...i cant believe im actually going to watch both phantom of the opera and beauty and the beast...although this past week has been kinda boring...the thing tht kept me sort of happy is the fact tht i hav these 2 extraordinary musicals to watch in the most brilliant musical industry in the world...broadway....=)...this is probably gonna define my whole summer holiday....heh....
wa here in ny its scorching man the temperatures....it went up to abt 36plus degrees celsius the last week...when i come back from class and walking in the sun i can almost feel my skin peeling off....lucky my dorm room is air-conditioned....so kinda bcame lazy and stayed in almost 24/7....=P....

I think the saying of "The world is like a mirror to us" can be a very useful line to think about whenever a person is faced with a problem....lets face it...if we don like the world...do we expect the world to like us back?...sometimes we don even realise tht wad we r doing is wrong...or the more even ridiculous one....we act one way but expect the reflection (people arnd us) to appear in another...its the same thing like we frown in front of the mirro but expect to see a person smiling back...sounds ridiculous?...or even familiar?...well i noe it happened to me quite a few times...one example is definitely the first few weeks when i was in the US adapting...i was wad ppl can describe as antisocial....i however always disagreed with them...it takes one guy who said it kinda jokingly but straight to my face..."Daniel,...u r so antisocial..."....although he said it in not tht wanna-fight tone...the message hit me hard...when i had the opportunity to be alone after tht...i asked started to think of all the social events i actually go to...and i can count them wif one hand....and wads worse is tht the first few entries in the blog i mentioned a few times the ppl here is not as easy to get along as the people back in spore...haha...however much i wanna give myself excuse tht i don fit in wif the people...it doesnt help much since there r asians who actually went for social gathering too....so i kinda wanna make a commitment in the coming semester tht whenever the opportunity of social gathering arises...i will go...BUT hav to consider the crowd first of coz....heh...so..."For things to change, you must change first."....=)...quoted from AKLTG...again..haha

a few days ago i saw a video recording of the time when i was leaving spore...as in going into the departure gate..it was taken by my friend max...for those of u who went to see me off u can remember him as the one in spects...he took the video recording of me saying my goodbyes...hugs...and going into the departure gates...when i watched it...for some reason i felt it was a lifetime ago....bcos i felt tht i hav grown so much from this experience..so so much...one thing i definitely learnt from this experience is tht family and friends are our world...without them...even if u r in the same place...it wont feel the same...i kinda learnt tht when i was spending most of my waking hours in the library 'trying' to run away from the pressure having to make friends and seeing ppl in social grps...well the most sucky thing definitely being alone is tht during meals i see everyone...and i mean everyone...having a grp....and me there just sitting like a complete antisocial...not to mention i also kinda stand out bcos im an asian...but then things change...i started to join the tkd association...i started to know my asian friends better and started to spend more time wif them...
then of course there was the job experience...heh..my first job!!....i remembered the first time when i come in for my first day and again 'trying' to figure out how to call my supervisor thru the walkie talkie without sounding stupid..bcos the thing abt walkie talkie is tht when i say something into them..everyone who has a walkie talkie in tht building can hear them....heh so i radioed..and realised my supervisor to help me arnd for tht day is in her office...next to the room where i get the walkie talkie...wahahaha...i was like -_-ll...so much for telecommunication....annnnnddd i also remember the very entertaining time when i get to vacuum a hall size of 4 average school halls ALONE....so i was like...dammnnnnnn.....after i finished vacuuming...i can feel my hands still vibrating from the vibrations of the vacuume cleaner...hahaha....

And then i also learnt the fact tht the people here cares....i noe it may sound stupid..but i was invited to my friend's parent's friend house to stay there for a week...i was like...hmm...wont they mind?...but they welcomed me wif open arms...bcos of the fact tht i was unfortunately brought up with the knowledge of give and take....this situation was a surprise to me...they would not mind at all letting u stay in their house...i was quite touched by the experience...=)....
heh then there was also definitely the time when my name appeared on the university newspaper...it reads, "Yellow belt Daniel Widjaja competed in all 3 events and came in first in forms and board-breaking and second in sparring." wahaha..cool huh?...i cant wait to go for the trainings again when the fall smst starts..been like 3 months since i went for any training...

haiz...8 months...can u believe it....5 more months and im coming back to spore..=)...cannot cannot cannot wait for the moment when i enter the plane back to singapore....

28th Week (Summer)

2006-07-29T21:26:00.000-05:00

Disney Cartoons!!...hhahaha..this week is wad i can call a flashback or a return to my childhood era of movies....mainly disney ones....lemme see..i watched cinderella....anastasia (20th century fox)....toy story.....hercules..... Mulan.... annd...Beauty and the Beast!!...wa beauty and the beast was really good..the songs and all r just so catchy....and they made it into a musical..i was thinking of mayb watching another musical during my stay here...but when i check out the price and its the same as the price of phantom of the opera...i was like..."Some other time, some other place..."... haha....but for some reason i like beauty and the beast a lot..for the songs...the story...every little bit of it...=)...
I also went to madame tessauds ytd....the picture shown above is taken from the building...pretty cool eh...anyway madame tessauds is a place where they hav all the wax replicates of famous ppl...like past presidents of america...movie stars...sport stars....and superman..hehe...then there is this funny part where they hav the chamber of horrors...i thought i hav outgrown the fear of going into scary places now...but i surprised myself man...my friend and i was like..."ah wad the hell...how scary can it b..."...then i go in first...there is somekind of curtain in front of me wif a pathway beside it...a hand come out of it...and it was moving like its searching for something in the wall..so i thought somebody from the technical services will come out...but noooo...it goes back in..then come out again...trust me...its not scary wif just my verbalisation...u almost hav to b there...then i kinda chicken out and move to other places of the gallery.....haha...fine ok...i admit tht i was pretty freaked...

Anyway...this past week i kinda think to myself....i know so many quotes tht my life values become intangible...i cant find a certain quote help me or teach me...so im going to finger on some of the best quotes and values i noe (some mayb my own creation...=))..so in not any particular order...
1) Courage is not the absence of fear, but action in the presence of it.
2) A person's personality and leadership is tested not under good and stable conditions, but under bad and critical conditions.
3) Resource is never the reason for success or failure, it's resourcefulness.
4) Always believe in the best of people.
5) People who causes you nothing but trouble are not worth your time, energy and thought.
6) Ignore defeat, but don't lose the lesson.
7) The level of challenges we are facing in our life now are there only because we can now deal with them.
8) We are not what we think, we are not what we say, we are not what we feel. We are what we do.
9) Laughter is the best medicine.
10) Love is the most powerful emotion of all.
11) Everything in life is a test.
There u go...10 values i believe in....i would like to elaborate more on some of them...like no. 10...love IS the most powerful emotion...because it has the potential to cause pain...suffering...tears...depression...frustration...anger...but it also has the power to spark a joy tht i cant put into words when u feel it...this love im talking abt is just not abt bf gf type...im also talking abt love for family and friends...its something so elusive yet so powerful...
value 7 is in other words...as u get better, smarter and stronger...so does the game of life getting more difficult, more complex, and more 'stamina-sucking'...

ok anyway this kinda ties in with an analysis of a personality of a friend of mine....so ok...to my good friend..this will be like a conversation to u from henceforth in this blog entry...(except mayb in the ending)...:
u wrote to ask me to reassure u tht u r normal by assessing ur strengths and weaknesses...lemme say something..You are completely normal...the feelings u experienced the past days or so are completely normal...u get hurt when people do mean things to u...so hurt tht u actually wonder wad kind of screwed up morals they hav....but the pain u feel is wad makes u human...=)...anyway...without beating more arnd the bush...here r ur strengths..they may not b much since i havent met u for quite some time...ok..the obvious one will definitely b commitment... its something which i still cannot understand...ur commitment to projects are so pro tht...er...well its something like the hierachy of commitments...not committed...quite committed...committed...very committed...then there is u....yea i noe from the way u work on projects like mad flushing day....chingay...all those stuffs....however...heres the catch...your greatest strength can be your greatest weakness....check out value 6 above....i don want to assume i noe wad happened..but if there is no there is no fire there couldnt b a smoke right...heh wad im saying is tht u and only u can see wad went wrong and assess u as a person urself...this incident tht u got into...there can b something tht u did tht may not b entirely appropriate...and thus causes the other party to feel how they r feeling now...so wad u can do now is to look back on how the incident escalates....from start to end...pick out behaviours tht u may tink hav made the other party unhappy...in the process ignore any upsetness (is there such a word?) u feel...if u cannot detect any behaviours tht u did wrong...then close the case with the conclusion tht u and the other party just don click....it happens once in a while...at least it does to me...
anyway if this memory of incident is painful to u...im going to teach u a technique tht may help u forget it...or at least put it aside anytime it comes to u....its called the distortion technique...i want u now to tink of the incident and pick out its most painful moments...now use ur memory like a dvd player...play them from the start to the end of this painful memory...notice how u r feeling....after u finish playing them...rewind them...then replay this movie memory BUT this time at a faster speed...then after u finish the movie...replay again...this time increasing the speed of the movie...continue this process by increasing the speed everytime u replay it...u can make it more effective by adding silly objects into the memory movie...like a clown, or mime doing stupid stuffs...at the fast speed...feel better? =) u can use this technique for every single painful memories...it works wonders for me...i wont take the credit though...i learnt it from AKLTG ...
Anyway coming back to the strengths and weaknesses analysis...ur second strength will b ur outspokenness...its kinda hard not to see tht as a strength in u...hahahaha....the outspokenness probably comes from confidence...the confidence ties in with your will....don take this good point for granted...bcos its quite valuable...i remembered i quote from a movie..."Training is nothing, will is everything.....the will to act."....wad im saying is tht this good point can help u making decisions....be it wrong or right...bcos some people can b too scared to make a desicion while u can...=)
a weakness u hav thts probably quite prominent is ur moodswings...now i just want to suggest tht this moodswings can b quite manageable...to a certain extent...bcos again i don wanna assume to know wads happening in ur life now....so anyway...everytime from now u hav a moodswing..wad u can do is give urself 6 reasons y u choose to feel this way...i wanna emphasize on the word choose...bcos no one can make u feel how u r feeling but u...its all abt interpretation of events...lets just take me for an example for a moment...u may remember there was one time in sec 3 when during assembly in the hall a sec 4 girl come and scold and raised her voiced at me in front of quite a number of ppl....her reason being i didnt listen to her asking me to give her class more space to sit on...so she blamed it on me and kinda scold and described me in colorful terms in quite a loud voice in front of me..so wad did i do in response?...NOTHING....i ignored her...one ear in another ear out...i choose to not feel insulted...choose not to feel wronged...choose not to retaliate...i don want to let her affect my power of decision...if i respond, she wins...u can ask ken yeo abt this incident bcos im quite sure he remembered wad happened since he was sitting next to me...(pity him having to hear the girl scold like hell..hahaha)...so anyway...im not saying this to brag...but to help u understand the fact tht no one ... can make u feel the way u do but u....except mayb love....but thts another story...=)...so everytime u feel the signs of moodswings...find the origin...find 6 reasons to justify y u feel the way u feel...then interpret the event in another way...=)..

hmm...i tink tht shld covers it all for now...hahaha...i hope it helps...=)

27th Week

2006-07-22T21:43:00.000-05:00

wa this week stress man...firstly i went for a test...after the test i was confident in doing well...buuut when i got it back...wa...bad bad...then my interest in comp games for some reason all drop...don feel like playing any comp games at all...compared to my almost 24-7 gaming last week...u can say its a good thing...but when i lose my interest i don hav anything else to do man...dead bored..so i started downloading movie cartoons...like the little mermaid and aladdin movies....quite nice watching it again...=)....but theres only so mucha movie can do...then the past few days i started to search for my prospective university in mayb a yr's time...i looked at some of the unis i want and i was like...holy cow...so expensive some of them...my limit is my current tuition fee....above tht i don even dare to look....for now my choices r UC Berkeley and Miami university...Miami university is NOT in miami by the way...its in Oxford, Ohio....nearby wisconsin also la...u can see the campus of miami uni...soooo nice....i just love it...looks so peaceful and country-like....greens and all... even though it looked secluded...its actually ranked 17th in the US for its business program...my school now is ranked 46th....then UC Berkeley....its in the West...thts wad i like most....in cali...so mayb i can visit LA easily...and its a good school..business program ranked 12th in the US...heh i looked at all these schools i myself start to become afraid....the grade range r all so good...lemme give u an example...UC Berkeley 80% of the people get 1140-1500 for SAT...Miami 1150-1310.....u know wads my score?...1100...pretty scary...feel like i hav to retake the SAT again....
wa then wad adds to my stress is the school work..no they r not a lot...but they r tough!!....my situation now is something like the first time when i learn amth in sec 3...confused....frustrated...head-banging-the-table situation....lucky the prof patient...so i can visit him if i hav problems...oh ya...for those of u who hav the choice of taking amath or not...TAKE AMATH!!!..even though the subject says Additional Math...its not at all...it shld b made compulsory or something..bcos down here all ppl assume i noe amath stuff...well yea bcos i also go and take something im not supposed to take yet...but still...amath is so important...the problem wif spore education is tht they didnt explain wad amath is for....one time a friend said to me..."I don see the use of Logarithm in my life..."...well yea i couldnt say i can see the use of it at tht time...but man....when u get to college...they use all stuffs to solve problems like bank interest....use intergration to solve statistics problems....hehe...hav i scared u yet?...yea it is complex buuut when u get a difficult problem right...the feeling is like no other...=)
wa this week...erm i tink on wednesday....i had the worst nightmare probably in my life...the fear i experienced is soo strong tht it woke me up feeling like it just happened....the nightmare is abt me witnessing my parents being attacked....i was standing aside frozen not knowing wad to do at all...i wont go into the details of the attack...but the sounds of screaming is just so vivid and scary for me tht the nightmare is not finished and i woke up with a start....i don remember wad time it was...but when i was awake my heart was pumping like crazy...for a moment there i may hav understood the feeling bruce wayne felt when he witnessed his parents being killed in front of him....traumatic experience...its so disturbing....even now i still get a bit of fear here and there everytime i thought of it....

lol this week all like so stress huh....i just cant wait for the time where i board the plane back to spore....back to family...back to friends...back to familiarity...back to home...=)...its still abt 5 months away....

26nd Week (Summer)

2006-07-16T01:07:00.000-05:00

yooo...second week in new york...hot hot hot....well its abt 33 everyday here...u can say its not tht hot but for a guy who has experienced an average of about 10 for the last six months...33 is freaking hot....so anyway...the biggest problem here is probably the firealarms...im not sure how many times do they hav to ring it so tht we get the msg...lets take today for example...at 920am...while everyone is still in their warm beds...they ring the alarm...so i got up...grumpily...and went down and see for the 8th time 4 firetrucks coming ringing their sirens so loudly...the best part of it is tht u can see the fireman coming down as if they were planning to buy starbucks....one is even smoking...i was like...heh...so im supposed to put my life in their hands when a real fire breaks out huh....nutty firemen....ok so thts for 920....then everyone go back up at abt 940 and went back to bed (its a saturday)....THEN at 1128am....only 3 hours from the last siren...the damn alarm is set off again...when i got up the first thing i do is curse....then the whole process starts again...go down and watch the fireman slowly walk into the building...-_-lll....
oh well...today i went for probably the biggest shopping spree in my life....i went to wad is supposed to b a factory outlet....theres like this huge land where there r many houses...in these houses they sell the products...hugo boss..gap..adidas..nike...timberland...quicksilver..calvin klein....versace...armani xchange...many many other stuffs....its supposed to b a factory outlet...but for some reason the 4 clothes i bought amount to 120 usd....i was like...hmm..where did i go wrong...its practically like a chalet neighbourhood where instead of having people as tenants...they hav products...=)...sadly i didnt bring my camera along...its a pretty nice place...

on my train home...i heard someone saying these words.."la...chiobu....like tht one..."...my mind immediately fires off the word "Singapore!!"..hahaha...true enuff...as i listen more..the famous grammar of singlish all made their appearances..hahaha..its quite amusing...but pretty ncie at the same time...don really noe how to describe it...its quite distinctive the singapore english when its spoken here..even if the las..chiobu...like tht one...leh....all r gone...theres still tht trace of accent...cos i heard a person coaching another person in the gymn..and he was explaining his intructions in perfect english....tht is...singaporean-english perfected...just like the pm talking..hehe...kinda nice though...now i noe..even though it doesnt sound tht sophisticated...singlish is quite a unique thing...=)...

this week i hav been having this fear....one of the rare occasion i usually hav of this magnitude...its bcos of this decision of choosing which major should i take...its like choosing wad do i want to do wif my life...its doesnt seem tht obvious....bcos my parents keep on telling me to go for business...where the people make the most $$...but for some reason i like psychology a lot...i listened to one of stuart's audio programs...he mentioned.."when u r willing to do the job for free....tht is ur dream job.."...for me..i will do counselling and consultations for free....i noe all the directions and wisdoms i learnt probably point to the psychology direction...follow my dream...but there r basically 2 problems...one...is tht i need a doctorate to b in practice....second...is whether i will make enuff money to support my family AND achieve my final goal of either opening a nature resort or funding one....my brain keep on telling me the facts and wisdoms i learnt...while my heart is just so cowardly at times tht im quite puzzled...yea bcos it tells me this is choosing wad do i want to do wif my LIFE...im only given one shot...so tht fear and doubt is destroying wadever courage reserves i hav....my motivational gurus says..."Never concentrate on goals like 'I want to make as much money as possible', bcos u will never reach it. Instead concentrate on the strategy of making tht come true...money is like the fruit...strategy the tree...money is like the bonus..not the real deal.."..i don noe how much i want to let myself believe this line...u can call me money minded and everything...but then if u hav my goals at the end of life...u will think abt the financial aspects too....argh...i will let a more powerful being show me the signs....

25th Week (Summer)

2006-07-08T22:57:00.000-05:00

New York!!...ehehe..im studying in the big apple for a summer session...its a pretty cool city man...but for some reason its not cozy for me...like just too many hutsle and bustle...i noe u probably will say "its New York!!"...haha..yea i know..but stilll...u will noe when u come here la..woosh..the living expenses here is also quite expensive...one meal average cost abt 10 USD....can u imagine tht....haha...the dorm is quite big actually...my dorm in milwaukee is abt 3/4 of it...heh but nvm..next smst my dorm room will b twice of it!!..hehehe...plus got own toilet!...don need to go out again...and more quiet...=)...
anyway i read eugenie's blog on reflections on yr 2005...i realised i havent don tht...was too bugged wif the move when the yr 2005 ended..=)..so here goes..im probably gonna add in b4 2005 too...generally from 2004 onwards la..since those were probably my most memorable tmes in sec school...

ok...lets start in the beginning of 2004...got into the class i opted for and was pretty pleased abt it...when i come into the class...i can straight away sense tht silence...its something i call loud silence...then our teacher mr nabil...did a pretty good introduction...he wrote on the board "happy new year."...hahaha..i can still remember tht moment quite clearly...even though i was -_-ll..i cant tink of a better idea then to start the in the new class wif a laugh...=)...so we met our new teachers other than mr nabil...the no-nonsense mrs ol tay...the memorable mr lawrence tan....the goofy mrs bs tay....the laughing powder mr marican...(haha i just add the memorable ones...)...then there was of coz the sec 3 camp...where we all started to glue wif each other in the class...sadly i left a day earlier for a trip to hongkong..=(....anyway...tht camp was quite memorable....still remembered the feelings of my arms after i rock-climbed the abt 5 storey wall...playing torchlights at night wif ppl in other pavilions...wahaha... then there was the sec 1 orientation camp...im not sure which one happened first...i tink its the sec one orientation first actually...i remember its a week long or something..wif one night stay on a thursday...then there was mid yr....which i don quite remember wad kind of grades i got...which is probably pretty average...ooo rite...then there was tht time where i try to b a monkey and play in between 2 tables..ended up falling face first and tearing my upper lip.... tht shock of seeing blood flow out of my lip like a leaking pipe is quite unforgettable...its like so painful for the next month or so...felt damn stupid everytime ppl ask...."how did u get the injury?".."oh i tried to b a monkey and failed miserably."...hahaha..
then there was of coz the weekly travel to bugis for youthexco meeting...then buy green tea wif yeos in 7-11,,hahaha...i remembered i got abt 120 hours of cip tht yr....quite siao....
heh...my highlights of 2004 would probably be the friendships made and the kickstart i received to go into the process of self-development...friendships made would definitely b harry...yeos...eugenie...darell...well these r the closer ones at least...the self-development part was kickstarted by both harry and the visit by author andrew matthews...which then leads me to finding all abt self-development and inevitably Adam Khoo Learning Technology Grp (this is actually the first time i wrote the full name of akltg..hahaha)...anyway the camp opened my eyes to the fact tht anything...virtually anything is possible ...and everyone is born with the same hardware (the brain)...which led me to the unshakeable belief of "if he or she can do it, so can I. Its just a matter of strategies."....short one one word description of the camp would be life-changing...i encourage u guys to go for the course..for more info got to akltg.com...

and of coz there was also the time when our class won the first place in a science physics competition in ngee ann poly...its just so awesome to receive tht trophy...the work put in was all worth it for tht moment of glory when they annouced tht our team had won the first place...i remembered my heart was like multiple nuclear explosions when i waited for our school to b called...then i made the speech in front of the school..which for some reason it came quite easy for me..bcos also the effects of akltg was still burnt into my head since its just the day b4 the speech when i graduated from the basic camp...so it somehow made it look easy...
I then visit the US in december to look at my prospective universities...got a preview of wad college life is like...then one day after i come back from the US...my physical and mental strength is truely tested when i go for the akltg advanced camp..which resembles something like bootcamp...me going wif the effects of jetlag....and still..i can proudly say i passed the physical and mental test wif distinction...gaining more knowledge of leadership which will bcome crucial in leading my team of psls in my last year of being one..

so we entered the yr of 2005...the yr of the dread O....the yr started wif the sec one orientation camp...which i can say was probably the best of my 3 yrs being a psl...mostly bcos i can bully the sec ones and my fellow psls bcos im an exco member..hehehe...well psls...u get ur revenge when u throw those buckets of water bombs at us excos didnt u?...so we r balanced..ehehehe....being a psl will always be one of the fondest memories in my secondary school life...=)...bcos can skip class also...wahahaha...just jk...well wad i remembered is tht my first haf of the 2005 yr was dominated by chinese tuition...mainly chinese...i got so sick of it tht when i was studying chinese my mind is there but my heart is not...like bcome robot...which lead to me getting a c6 in chinese...when i got the results in the auditorium...i was like...haiz...a bit no feeling...definitely a bit of disappointment..but i kinda already accepted it as a consequence of not studying it whole-heartedly...second haf of the yr was dominated by me studying for Amth and phy....erm..geo also i tink...bio i bcome overconfident and ended up the grade dropped quite drastically...while the most surprising thing is the fact tht i got a distinction for amth..i was quite ecstatic when i heard it...heh then there were the stupid times of playing soccer at the back of the classroom...the ball always flying out dunno how many times..playing wif darth vader mask....then use "lightsaber" to fight...hahaha...withstanding the long hours of physics....many many relatively small events tht make 2005 special...
lifetime friendships were also made during 2005....most outstanding will b wilson and cheryl...wilson...hehe...i can still remember the times where he dozed off countless times in class...hahaha..had such a great laugh..and cheryl..heh.. always being the most delightful person to be arnd...u can read more abt them in one of the entries i wrote in either march or feb...=)...
then there were the graduation night...i remembered waking up in the morning and counting the hours till its time for me to get into costume..wahaha..i made it sound a bit silly..anyway...i remembered repolishing my dressing shoes at abt 3...polish until abt 345...then took a shower and wore my suit...i hav no idea how to do up my hair then..which i can say is the one disaster of my grad night...then i met wilson..sherman..zu..lu..and went together to school... but the grad night was awesome...many people i saw in different lights.....after tht we spent some time in esplanade taking pictures...its a night full of memories...=)...the grad night was followed by class chalet abt a week after...it was my first chalet...so its really unforgettable...slping wif 6 ppl in 2 queen size beds is something u definitely will remember for a long time...watching scary movie series..which i laughed till stomach pain...barbecue..cycling...all tht jazz...fond fond memories of sec school life...=)..then there was the incredible holiday i had wif my cousins in indo...one of the best times i had wif them...long car rides...resort stays...incredibly stupid jokes...ridiculously idiotic moments...all of them make it wonderful....

haiz...just beautiful memories huh....=)....sooo many things happened during these 2 yrs tht its impossible for me to fit it all into one entry....both personal and public events....but u can definitely say these 2 yrs r probably the most enjoyable 2 yrs of my life till now ...=)

24th week (Summer)

2006-07-02T01:58:00.000-05:00

First Session ends for summer!...yay...now looking forward to another session of class in the big apple...cant wait to go there and explore manhattan...watch phantom...see central park...and yea this week its SUPER SUPERMAN!!!..hehe..the movie is super super....i just came back from watching it....its like a 2 and haf hour movie man... a bit nuts...(max if u r reading this its ok, im planning to watch it again anyway in imax heh)....the first part of the movie was a bit draggy...for some reason i keep on saying to myself....wheres superman??...yea well bcos the first few part was well...catching up part...but after tht it was awesome...well im not gonna spoil the movie for u...but just one thing..theres one HELL OF A BIG shocker in the movie...catch it man...its really just cool....

Even heroes are not spared from heartbreaks man...kinda sucks isnt it...no matter how many times u save the world...no matter how many times u catch the bad guys...theres no way in getting off the hook from the thornbush of romance....it can be seen itself just from the superman movie...(and im not spoiling u any details cos this can b seen in the trailers itself)...well since superman had been gone for abt 5 yrs..lois now has a child...and she become so cold wif superman tht u can see it from his face....man of steel huh...hes a lot more human than we all think sometimes...

hmm...today is goiing to b a short entry....now its like already 230am..and the weather is seriously making me not reflect conducively...so i will take a raincheck on this one...=)..

23rd Week (Summer)

2006-06-24T21:47:00.000-05:00

heys everyone....this past week been quite bored man....its really good i can borrow a tv from one of my friends...heh..tv is something i kinda take quite for granted when i hav it...its like wifout it theres almost completely nothing else to do but stay in front of the comp...surf the net ...play game...but theres only so much for both...oh wait theres one thing tht kinda stood out during the week...MIAMI HEATS WON THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP WITH D-WADE AS MVP!!..haha...u may ask..who is d-wade....well..he graduated from my uni!!...woo hoo....he graduated abt 3 yrs ago....and at the age of 24...he won the championship and a playoffs mvp title...thts a huge achievement man...so cool...i watched the games at my friend's place..yea cos no tv..heh...but more fun like tht...oo..the weather here has been beautiful too..i mean its supposed to be summer time here..but instead the temperature here is like 20 degrees average...like now at 952pm here its 17 degress..yea there r some hot days definitely...but i expected daily spore-type temp....but here its like the mountains' type of temp...heh..don get jealous...=)

psychology is probably the most interesting class i hav taken ...its seriously interesting...well most parts of it at least...considering tht im studying bio again in the chapter biopsychology....but other than tht...like studying abt personality..human memory...psychology disorders...their treatments...pretty interesting stuff...especially when it comes to personality...do u noe tht inside each and everyone of us there r actually 3 different minds?..they r the id..ego..and superego...id go for immediate gratification...ego is more in line with reality or is the opposite of ego...superego is the mind tht distinguish which is right and wrong...for example..in the morning ur alarm clock ring...u wake up but ur id wants to get more slp and miss the history class...but ur ego on the other hand...tells u tht u hav to wake up and attend the class bcos u r failing it...theres this conflict...which one wins?..it depends on ur lvl of superego...if u r the more er...well rebellious type...ur id wins..vice versa...then there r more controversial matters...sigmund freud and his theory on the unconscious mind...its just a bit disturbing if i post up his theory here...heh google it if u r interested..=)...another thing thts really interesting is tht it is possible to completely repress memories..the main reason is usually bcos its painful...for example...i mayb beaten up as a kid once by bullies but when i grow up i don remember them (i just made this up).....interesting isnt it?...repressed memory is the thing tht gives ppl problem....bcos it has a substantial amount of effect on the person's behaviour...especially if its painful or traumatic...wad psychotherapist do is to bring out tht memory...not to let his patient suffer..but to let him or her face his or her deepest fear...For example... patient has been abused by his or her alcoholic father when he was young...but when he is grown and asked by ppl if he has ever been abused..he has no memory of it..buuut...heres the catch...he mayb exhibiting strange behaviours....called defense mechanisms...there r quite many types of them...this behaviour is the result of the repressed memory tht is currently in the unconscious part of the mind...the therapist will hav to break down these defense mechanism to help him or her face this monster inside the patient and help him or her be a better person...haha..hav i confused u?...well if i hav...the movie i mentioned last week...Good Will Hunting...will explain this whole thing i said..=)...cool movie...
after studying psychology i feel like going into clinical psychology for a career option man...one problem is holding me back though...i don hav enough emotional stamina to see 5 or mayb 10 people who r in need for someone to help them get into reality...i don mind 1 or 2...bcos i especially enjoy in helping ppl...listening to their problem...mayb provide a crying shoulder..hell if i need to provide crying shoulders and listening ears i will do it for free...cos its a good feeling to help them..=)..but when its a career...it can bring the difficulty to a whole new lvl..since u need to get a doctorate to be in practice...so yea..thts my main problem...not enough emotional stamina...i scared tht everyday i will be bombarded with 10 depressed ppl tht i myself may get affected and the people arnd me will hav to take the consequences bcos of it...haiz..consequenses consequences...haha my mum always say my heart is too soft and sensitive like girl...hahaha...trust our parents to know us better than ourselves...=)

haiz....abt a few days ago i watched an episode of smallville...4th season episode 21...its the graduation and last day of school thing...been quite some time since i thought of tht graduation day...both b4 and after Os...both hav their own speciality and uniqueness in different aspects...the b4 Os one is definitely cos its taken in our classroom...its probably the only relic i hav of the class other than the ones in my memory...i quite enjoy myself in the classroom actually...heh i still remembered playing soccer at the back of the classroom during free periods...hahaha...and struggling to stay awake during bio..geog..and amth periods....mayb sometimes a bit of phy too..quite depends on the weather too...if hot my eyelids weighs like a ton...hahaha...if cold..well...mayb abt 100 pounds only...heh...but for some reason phy remedials...amath worksheets...those things doesnt looked as bad as how i remember them now...each time i think of them i keep feeling like just turning back the clock man...seriously...i mean like now theres no chance for me to enjoy class-type of environment...as in those the same 40 ppl stay in one class while the teacher changes....here its the reverse...its different ppl wif different class..its like new faces for every class..thts wad i think is the drawback of the schools here...theres no time for us to bond like sec school...i rememebered wad clark says at the end of the episode..."Suddenly all those tests and teachers we hated...seems a lot less scary than the big question mark hanging out there."....
for my case..i remembered i didnt feel much fear yet after the last day of class or even after the formal graduation...its only after i took off from spore changi airport and looked out from the airplane window tht i realised.."hey...this is it..one chapter of my life ends while another is abt to start.."..tht word 'start' is kinda hanging arnd my mind..no big blows yet...partly bcos my dad is still wif me...only abt a week later when my dad go back to spore and i go into the dorm alone its like starting to dawn on me...and tht evening its full blow was on me...wad clark said was quite true...its a lot more scary than tests and teachers...or remedials too for tht matter..haha...its like u r put into a place u nv been to b4..know no one...the only contact u hav wif friends and family is internet..and u r given money to survive..trust me...i hav nv been so afraid in my entire life...now tht i look back..its a wonder i survived...=P...hahaha...but as the saying goes...."What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger."..now i kinda understand wad tht means...i would nv dared to actually go to another college to start all over again...but now its like my plan for next year..for some reason the fear of unknown transforms into the curiousity of the unknown..i wanna know more...and when the fear comes back...i can kinda say..."i hav survived probably the worst of adjustments...if it comes again its going to be easier.."...Having the courage to change can work wonders for the future...=)

22nd Week (Summer Hols)

2006-06-17T21:52:00.000-05:00

Eggsaster!!...haha...i wanted to make hard-boiled eggs for breakfast this morning...ended up wasting 2 eggs...one for good reason of experiment...the other egg is just becos of foolishness and bcos i just woke up...heh... put the eggs in the fridge right...for some reason the eggs a bit stuck to the container...one of them is seriously stuck...but i don noe tht...so i just pick them up ..but cannot...thought i nv use enough strength...then i squeeze and pull a bit more..then CREAK!! and haf of the egg's contents is on my hands.....my instant reaction..."oh F**k !!"...trust me...tht word is quite descriptive of the situation...lucky nv spill on carpet....if not i use more string of colorful words...lucky i alone liao...hhaha...then the other egg..well i actually put 2 eggs into boiling water...and immediately realised its a mistake when i put them into the pot...they cracked!!...can see the lines...so i realised not good to cook hard boiled eggs wif boilign water...ok so tht is learnt..my next problem...how long should i leave them simmering?...well i took one of the eggs out...and open them...and fluids came out...i was like..."could my day start any better??"...so i gave up on the last egg (its laying in a container now, figured i checked it for sunday morning) and went out to buy subs...then i went to library to finish an analysis paper...analysis of a movie...how fun is tht man??...its just great...the psychology lecturer want us to choose a movie related to a topic in the course...
I chose Good Will Hunting...an extremely good movie...especially for anyone for wants to do clinical psychology or counselling as a proffesion in the future...i spent abt 4 hours in the library doing the analysis...just the analysis sia..havent started anything on the paper...planning to do it tmr...

heard of the line "Mind over matter." ?...or even mind over body?...well i kinda feels wad it is like...to put it simply...its a strange feeling...ok let me describe it...when i play bball in spore...i can nv lay-up from the left side wif my body posture correct...buut...now i can do it as easily as laying up from the right..wads the trick?...i hav no clue...it just started during one of the games where i suddenly feel at complete unity wif my body and complete control of my limbs...its an awesome feeling...but heres the funny part...when i want to practice laying up from the left during warm ups...i cant...for some reason i come back to my awkward posture...another example is in one of the scenes in the Last Samurai..its the part where hes already captured and practising to use the japanese sword...for some reason he keep on losing control and obviously the match...so one of his samurai friends told him..."too many minds...mind of people..mind of sword..mind of opponent...too many minds..."...then he continued.."No mind"...yea at first this may sound crazy...but wad hes saying is tht he thought too much abt it...maneuvers..his footwork...body movements etc etc...heh i guess i hav to ask peak-performance experts how to do this...sounds good doesnt it..being mind and body working in one motion...

The movie Good Will Hunting said a lot of stuffs tht kinda bcome stuck and printed permanently on my mind....there r just so many good conversations in the movie...heres one good line...
Matt Damon's character was having problems wif getting close to a girl he likes now bcos he doesnt want her image to be spoiled...bcos now she is perfect..he doesnt want to spoil tht image by knowing her better and see her faults...this is wad robin william's character has to say...
"You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other. "
tht line is straight away stuck for life in my head once he said it...then there is this other conversation which highlights optimism...this conversation is between robin williams and his friend...
"Do you know what r the odds of winning a lottery?"
"i don noe...wad 4 to 1?"
"No, abt 30 million to 1..."
"...well i still hav a shot.."
isnt tht just remarkable?...his optimism on things is just out of this world.....well enough said...=)...theres a whole lot more lessons of love...life..taking chances...rejection to be seen in the movie...watch it when u get the chance! =)

heh..ok this paragraph here is written abt an hour after i wrote the entry...i was reading my fantasy book when i come across something tht i absolutely cannot hold for another week...ok here goes...Practicality do NOT play a part when it comes to romance issues...hear me out guys (those who..like me...r still amateurs..>_<)...hahaha...seriously...this is the part where im absolutely identical wif the main character of the story...he is completely hopeless when it comes to courting girls..he feels totally vulnerable and goes all weak in the knees when the girl he fell for is *lashing her eyelashes*...he is totally practical when it comes to relationships...hence not knowing whats romantic and whats not....the difference between me and him is his situation....he is already married...buut its kinda mandatory bcos hes a king and the queen is from another country which from past generations its always a custom for the king to marry the princess from tht country...but they do love each other...its just the princess didnt get a chance to be "chased after" by the king..well u get wad i mean by chased after...as in the flowers...the dinners...oh right..the word is courting i tink...hahaha...remember guys...Practicality is the complete opposite way of thinking when it comes to courting.....erm i tink the main ideas are originality...creativity...and the humor charm...well i don noe from the girls' point of view...but this is mine...can be wrong..since im still...well..amateur...but i think im making progress....hehehe...

21st Week (Summer)

2006-06-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

woo...its exercise power house for me since summer started...bball and soccer....heh...and im not sure which entry a few months ago i wrote the part where i lay-uped past a African American as my memory of fame in bball...well this week bball event i tink overwrote tht one..ytd i play bball right...there was abt 5 of my asian friends...we were playing wif each other and one of us invited 5 american guys to play wif us...let me describe them to u....NONE of them...and i really mean none...is the same size as us....there was only one who is abt the same height as me but more muscular....then the other 4 guys...compared to me...was a full head taller and had arms which were twice the width of mine...then we start to play..after the first basket they made...we already kinda know we r going to get killed...the way they play is so freakin fast....Buuut....(heres the part where im going to show off....brace yourselves)....after they made quite a few baskets....i took the ball from one end of the court and dribbled past 3 guys....and got to the basket to lay the ball in sweetly....hahaha...heres the part where its beautiful...when i was 'flying' in the air (hahaha, i cant help myself ...i heard one of the guys say "oh wow"...it may not mean much when u r reading it...but when u heard it its just so cool...and to hear this from a person who was abt 3 times as strong, a foot taller and twice my size, AND an american...its quite a big boost for me man....so after tht score i went through their defence 2 more times b4 my stamina lvl busted....heh...its just so cool man...but we lost...yea they play so fast tht its hard to keep up wif their pace...and wif me so much boasting on my offence...u should hav seen the way i defend...its ridiculous....when one of the guys backed me down...i hav no support wadsoever wif my legs and my body...its like pushing a revolving door (im the door)...yea cos they r just so big...but its a cool game man...=)

ah man....i hav already finished reading the Belgariad series...quite sad for me...i keep on rationing how many pages should i read in one night so tht i wont finish it so fast....but ytd night i went all the way to finish the book...since one part of the story is ending,....the ending is just so beautiful...happy endings...=)...God knows how much i love happy endings...i don wanna sound like a girl...but yea i do like happy endings...=)....i watched many smallville episodes this week...cos i borrowed the dvd series from my school library (isnt tht just awesome??)...and i found probably one of the best ending of all the smallville series (at least until now)...its in season one when clark was supposed to be an escort to lana's birthday party....lana mentioned a few days b4 tht she stopped believing in happy birthdays...the one and only time when she felt complete safe was when she was young and her parents were still alive...they both rode in the car and brought her to see a movie in the car...im not really sure how to describe it...but the audience will be in their own cars and a movie will be screened in an outdoor 'parking lot' on a large screen...anyway back to the story...clark was supposed to be the escort but as usual clark didnt appear becos he has to b a hero in another place and didnt appear for lana's birthday or be her escort..so after her party when she was back home in her bedroom on the second floor...clark came...he tossed rocks at her window pane to get her attention since its late and he didnt want to disturb her aunt by coming into her house...so heres the conversation when lana came to the window to talk to clark in the garden on the ground floor...(enrique iglesias's hero was playing in the background)
Lana: You kinda missed cocktail hour....
Clark: I know....Im sorry...
Lana (shrugging): Told you i don believe in happy birthdays a long time ago...
Clark: Maybe I can change that...
(Lana gave the doubtful and disappointed look at him from the window.)
Clark: Look, i know i blew it tonight...but at least let me give u ur present....
Lana (puzzled): When?
Clark (smiling fondly) : now..
(In the next scene they were in clark's truck which was parked in his farm...in front of them was a large screen showing a movie. Enrique Iglesias's hero still playing softly in the background)
Lana: Pass the popcorn. (laughing)
(Clark passed her the popcorn...and after a second or two....)
Clark: Lana?
Lana (smiling and still watching the movie): Yes?
Clark: Happy Birthday.
Lana (turning slowly at him and smiled cheekily) : Shhhh.
Clark laughed fondly at her.
The camera then went out of the truck and into the big scene where their truck was in front of the big screen and as the music slowly dies....the show ends....
oh man...can u ask for a more beautiful ending than tht..i described it the best way i can...i hop u guys can visualise it in ur mind...if u guys want to see it...its smallville season one episode 6 or 7 im not so sure...its just so beautiful...Smallville rocks man!!...haha...

lol most of today's entry all smallville..hahaha...its just so good man the show...but now for some reason its not as good anymore...i prefer them when they r in season one and 2...where everything is still ok between characters...now its like full of distrust...but theres still a good episode in season 5 though...i know it havent shown in spore but its episode 18 if im not wrong..titled fragile...heh i seem to run out on wad to discuss abt...some subjects came to my mind some time this week but i cant recall it now...oh well...at least i told u guys a story right?...hahaha...=)

20th Week (Summer)

2006-06-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

Its been one loooong week man.....im like all over the place this week wif my application process for columbia university....im actually haf way arguing wif a person who replied to my mail...i thought the person was not someone very big...cos of the way he replied...he said i was not telling the truth...in a way calling me a liar..well theres 2 sides of the story...the general base of the story is tht i put in my application english as my native language...but i took an engl class for non-native class...bcos of tht reason according to the guy...he kinda called me a liar...i was so pissed after i read tht line i immediately went to the gymn and worked out...well this is my side of the story...in a lot of ways engl IS my native language...if u ask me to write an indo essay...u can expect some crappy content and grammar..compared if i were to write an engl essay...so anyway....the next day my friend max went to the uni to check...and found out tht i got accepted...i hav no idea wad happened...and i found out the guy who pissed me off is actually the Dean of Student Admission....dean...do u guys get tht word....its nuts seriously....but i got ACCEPTED !!!...i was so ecstatic when i heard tht....now all my plans can come true...tour in the streets of new york...go arnd times square...walk arnd central park...and the most beautiful of all...im gonna watch Phantom of The Opera on Broadway....omg...i don now how to compress my excitement till the day i watch it...i i can i will take picts of the opera....if i can...cos they may ban cameras and all...but yea..i seriously cant wait for the phantom...haha...

I went to a mass today...surprised?...well actually the mass is dedicated to the victims of the recent earthquake in indonesia...i want to come bcos i feel like this is the least i could do....and the father...or the guy who leads the mass...speaks on the topic of death...he mentioned tht not many ppl want to discuss this..especially my age peoples....becos its for ppl who r already old...so some ppl just tink tht the subject of death is not worth discussing becos its not time yet....well in my opinion...im pretty sure thts wad some people in jogja thought exactly...but the earthquake hits them...and whether they like it or not...it is their time to go...death does not care if u just had a fight wif ur loved one....had an unfinished business contract...just won a billion dollars...or wadever..death will take u away just like tht...
this kinda ties in wif wad i watched on smallville yesterday.... lex was shot and while in coma he was given a vision of the future after he was shot and if he made all the right decisions...he had everything...and wad i mean by everything is he had many close friends...lana as his wife...a perfect son...this happens IF he made the decision of realising wad is the most important things in life...which is the people arnd u...i mean...my point is tht just cherish the ppl arnd u...i noe some of u r probably not able to express it wif words (tht includes me)...but u can express it wif actions...simple actions means quite a lot...guys probably arent a big fan of hugging...but wad we can do is tht simple actions like the act of the human touch...i don noe how to describe this but...yea i don noe how to describe this exactly..but u just noe the power of the human touch la...babies yearn for this A LOT...trust me...if u watch closely...when they r put down by their parents on their cradle...they would sometimes..or most of the time cry...or make noise...then the baby's parent will pick the baby up to calm the baby by carrying him or her arnd...whispering calming words into their ear...and in the parent's hands...the baby will calm down..this is due to the power of human touch...its just tht powerful...i mean it works on the baby...and a baby is the most honest thing on earth...if the baby doesnt like u..he or she wont pretend to like u...if the baby is not happy...he will scream and cry...if she doesnt like the food...she will just throw out the food from her mouth...if he likes u...he will stick wif u and b fond of ur company... they r just such sincere creatures and even though so young...we can learn quite a bit from them...one would be the power of the human touch...as we grow older...we change in the ways we express our feelings...when we r furious...some of us will go to the gymn to work out...some will listen to loud music...some will drink till they couldnt think clear etc etc...when we r sad...some of us will just mask those feelings...some will write an entry on their journal...some will cry in private etc etc....but then even as we grow from a baby...even though our ways of expressing feelings change...our feelings doesnt change...the emotions we all feel as human beings still remain unchanged...we all want to feel loved...feel joy...but we cant just scream and cry anymore right...heh...

This week i finally found one drawback of wisdom--> outsmarting urself....ok lets take me for an example...a lot of time i've been struggling wif proving myself tht im not the person u see on report cards...i mean here...my grades r just not good at all for now...and as much as i want to explain myself or to myself tht im hardworking and everything...it just shows clearly on the report tht im not hardworking...well in a way im just not effecient enough....trust me if anyone sees how much i work and study for O lvls...they would not believe i got 15....nobody actually seen how much i worked for it...its just nuts...then when i got the results...its like 'ah wad the hell'...and then come the waves of ppl having the impressons tht i hav not been working hard enuff when they noe the results...it just sucks like hell...but then when i want to tell them tht i worked my ass off for it...my mind will just take out tht very annoying quote..."Its not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines who we are." (i quoted this too last entry)...well in my case of results...its not wad i do...but the results tht defines me as a person...i can scream "Its not fair!!" all i want...but wads the use...thts y the only other thing tht has been keeping me from drowning in self-disappointment is the fact tht since its done..its done...learn wadever i can from it and do my best not to repeat it again...this is probably the only drawback of wisdom...everyone is definitely going to scrutinize a wise person if he will walk his talk...they will judge the person on his reaction in almost every situation...i noe cos i too always look at ppl from akltg and my parents and my friends if they walk their talk..like if wad they say now is coherent to wad they will say in a different situation...heh u can say the wiser the person is...the more social pressure there are on the person...but in some ways this is good...cos the person will definitely grow...

heh as i read further the books tht i mentioned as my ultimate favorite novels The Belgariad and The Mallorean series (both by the same author)....i realised how much impact these books had on me...since this is the second time im reading all ten novels...i recalled the experience i underwent when i read this book the first time when i was sec one...tht was like when i was 14 yrs old...i mean seriously...it has a tremendous impact on my personality and character....if u guys want to give it a shot...u can read the novels and will find out tht i hav many traits tht come from the characters of the book...there r a number of characters in the book...but there r usually abt 8 main ones...they all hav distinctly different chacteristics...one will be impossibly cheeky..one will be super brave...one will be the ultimate leader...one will b the ultimate "mother" etc etc..from each of these characters i unconsciously took away, combine, and adopt the personalities...for some reason im actually doing it all unconsciously...and wads more it kinda brings into me the love thing...this..is the ultimate negative impact on me...now tht i tot of it...its not smallville tht makes me think boyfriend-girlfriend relationships occurs naturally...its THESE novels tht did it..im 100% sure of it..heh for some reason this is the book tht gave me absolute hopelessness when it comes to romance issues....but well its probably a give and take situation...if not for the books to spark my interest of how to bcome a the best person i can be (aktlg are responsible for blossoming this interest)....i would not be who i am today...=)

19th Week

2006-05-27T22:40:00.000-05:00

Hey guys..erm this is actually the second entry this week....the previous entry is actually abt a few hours b4 i write this entry..its below this one right here....hahaha...oh well...i finished the previous entry while im at work ...yea i noe u may ask...'bloggin at work?'...yea well i didnt hav much to do as i mentioned in my previous tht my supervisor also in front of the computer...well usually we will be arnd the building arranging tables and chairs for conferences...vacuuming carpets...lifting and carrying chairs..tables etc...but this is the first time i actually do anything during my shift...seriously..from the time i clocked in at 2:05...to 5:30...im there right in front of the comp..i wrote a blog entry in the first hour or so...then go look at other blogs and blogskins for the rest of the time...heh...anyway im writing this in my friend's house...a lot more condusive environment than back in my dorm room...firstly its bigger (for some reason i don enjoy small rooms at all)...secondly the temperature is nicer...and of course neater...wahahaha...i went to some of my friends' apartment this week...actually its really nice to hav own apartment....i cant wait to get mine actually....firstly..no roommate!!..haha...not tht i don like a roommate..but sometimes its nicer to hav the whole room to urself...u can design it to ur style...buy wadever smell of air freshener u like and all tht stuffs....and believe it or not..its actually cheaper than dorms...dorms i hav to pay like 800plus ....while apartments are abt 600...well yea definitely the food is not as convenient...but i can learn how to cook!..its going to be quite fun actually...and the gd thing of having the whole apartment to urself is tht when u make a big mess theres no need to feel guilty..hehehe....and theres no need to feel like taking a gun to shoot a drunken guy who come badgering into the corridor at 2am in the morning...and since the time i came here i came to enjoy the peace of being in my own world so much tht i bcome quite addicted to it...theres a gd and bad side to it...bad side is tht i bcome more anti-social....gd side is tht i bcome a lot more peaceful wif myself....trust me u hav to do it to actually noe how it feels like...its like theres no one in the world to bother u...the solitary feeling combined with soft music just creates a sense of incredible tranquility...
i started my psychology class this week...quite interesting....i cant really say much abt the course bcos its just been one week...but its going to be busy busy busy......imagine taking 5 tests in 2 weeks...consequtively for 6 weeks...plus a research paper due in the 5th week of class...its pretty lucky its interesting...haha...

this week i thought of one occasion where a friend of mine (girl) said to me..."Daniel dont noe how to treat girls"..well its not to me directly but its kinda behind the back kind of thing...when i heard this..i feel a bit confused..."hmm..i treat girls wif respect...manners...honesty..couple of jokes and a bit of crude humor...all those common sense stuffs...."...then after a while...i kinda realised how dumb tht thought is...i did not realise tht she was talking abt the deeper way of treating a girl...those tht hav to do wif sweet stuffs...then when i think further...i actually am not sure at all how to do this stuffs....for example...when im sec 2 ppl will tell me if i like the girl sms her ..asking her wad is she doing and all...u noe wads my first reaction?...i thought..wont tht sound kinda like i don hav a better thing to do?...yea well i realised tht i tend to bend towards the practical side...to make things worst...i started watching smallville....in smallville usually its portrayed tht a girl and guy will just fall for each other...the guy(clark) will just be there and help the girl(lana) through tough times...then they just got together...i THOUGHT tht can happen in real life....then i kinda TRY to run this in my life....oh well u get the picture of wad will and has happened...then when i come to US...its not tht simple...or at least i tink its not tht simple...i hav to come back to my 2 proffesionals 'date doctors'.....my 2 cousins...and ask them the 'how-to's...this just goes to show tht however much wisdom a person has (oh come on, u hav to admit i do hav wisdom to certain degree..hahahaha)...its just not the same in the romance playing field...its like all the lessons learnt in life...probably half of them is irrelevant to this field...and if u want to put me into this playing field...i would be a bleeding cow in shark-infested water...seriously...i am tht clueless in this field...heh..so i welcome any advices from ppl who r ahead of me in this playing field...=)

I watched X-Men 3 yesterday...a very nice movie...when i watch it right...i keeping hoping tht i could hav one of those powers...its just going to be so awesome...imagine me having a frost ability...when u r drinking something i will just freeze the liquid so tht it will be stuck to ur mouth..whahahaha!...well thts probably y i don hav it...haha..no im just joking....with movie characters which hav...erm...out-of-the-world abilities coming out...some ppl...like me...will keep on imagining wad if we hav those powers...but then i think again and i realised there r some very underated powers tht we human posses....be it good or bad...we human hav the power to hurt ppl emotionally...some r more expert....this power itself..in my opinion..is more powerful than any of those powers exhibited in movies...and the good side...the power to make ppl happy...the power to make ppl laugh...the power to help ppl through tough times...this powers are seriously underrated....haha...i wont be a spoiler and tell u guys the plot of the movie if u havent watch it...but its a really good movie...jam-packed wif action and a bit of humor here and there...=)

hmm...this would probably be the longest length i wrote in one week...this plus the last entry...probably 2000 words or more...heh ok im going to jump into fantasy world now...=)

At Work

2006-05-27T14:29:00.000-05:00

Guess where am i now...at work!!...wahaha...yea its a saturday during summer and there isnt much to do so im just sitting down here on the comp surfing internet...unless my boss (who is also in front of the computer at the moment) calls me to do some chores....i don hav time to write tonight i tink bcos im going to a friend's place to stay for the night...im going to hav the usual blog entry tmr night...so monday morning spore time...heh

I read an entry in Stuart's blog....its called finding purpose....even though i just read one of the i tink 5 parts of the purpose series...i found 2 words tht immediately jumped out of the passage..."Purpose Changes"...sometimes ppl who r in search of their purpose in the world think that their purpose must be specific...well in my perspective...i tink it doesnt have to be...ok lets take me for an example...after i read the enty and found tht Stuart's purpose is to gain knowledge and share it wif other ppl ...he said it is his purpose bcos he does it best...now i tink to myself...mayb purpose is something u will want to enjoy doing and be good at it...for me i tink its making the people around me happy...i told abt 60 ppl this goal of mine (during advanced camp in akltg.)...well its not exactly it but its kinda related...so for me in order to be living tht particular purpose...i will want set some 'to-do' list....like being a listening ear...helping ppl through hard times...stufs like tht....this is probably the thing tht hav to be a little more specific...if u want to know whether u r living a purpose driven life or not...ask urself this qst..."Is what im doing now helping me achieve the ideal life i want in the future?"....

This actually brings me to my next point...remember this quote from the movie batman begins..."Its not who you r inside, but what you do that makes u who u r"....however much u want to say u r a hardworking person but wad u do everyday is laze arnd..ppl will see u in the lazy image....however u say u r a emotionally stable person but what u do is not creating tht image...ppl will see u in tht not-so-favorable image of u...i noe its not fair...u may say and think..."oh he or she doesnt know me well enuff to know who i am"....but then however much u resent it, ppl will continuously judge u...its this little thing we call reality...i mean ok lets just look at superman...(i take him as an example bcos i analysed wad hes going through)...wad he does is save ppl....tht alone makes him a hero...but after watching smallville...i can see tht deep down he may not be tht perceived image of the man of steel...he is alone...misunderstood at times...hurt bcos of the countless number of time he has to lie tht hurts his image in order to protect tht person.... but he still creates his image as a strong, formidable person whom ppl always can count on...bcos of the things he does...the world is a mirror to us....it reflects who we really r...if ppl arnd u are happy to spend time wif u and enjoy ur company...its a reflection tht says u r a gd person...vice versa...if u don like the reflection u see in the mirror...(metaphor for the way ppl are treating u)..change ur behavior!...For things to change we must change first...like if we want to see the reflection (literally this time) to smile....we cant shout at it or do wadever wif it to make the reflection of ourselves smile right?...wad we can do is change...from inwards...yea just smile...(i noe this may sound like a stupid example...but it states the point)....

heh i tink thts abt all i want to say right now...im going to write another entry tmr night...so for the mean time...gd luck to ppl who r having tests and exams!!...=)

Summer Hols (18th Week)

2006-05-20T21:59:00.000-05:00

SUMMER HOLS!!..hahaha...i hav my week of rest....gd food..gd tv...gd games...hahaha...u may ask where do i get gd food...i went to aunt mimi's place...my friends' parents' friend...yea quite a number of apostrophies there..hahaha...but yea she and her husband are really great...i went to stay over at their house for a week and had really a break from the university...then i played a lot of warcraft during tht period...bcos one of my friends had it on his laptop too...so we played together...quite fun....and i actually went shopping!!...can u believe tht?...and after tht shopping trip...i kinda understand women's fascination wif shopping....man i do want to buy a lot of things...well i got 2 jackets...light jackets...very nice...and it was on a very big sale...like 80 bucks to 40 bucks....60 to 15....too good to pass up the chance...hahaha...well for some reason its not hard for me to just pick up and buy...my mindset is always like.."money is always replaceable"...a very very very dangerous mindset...if i go shopping for clearance i hav no idea how much can i spend...but at least since i very amateur shopper my 'comfort zone' of spending money is quite limited...like usually i will feel bad if i buy more than 2 things....unless its necessary... well tmr i planning to spend money again...this time expected to be quite a big amount...i wont tell u how much...but its just big...and again its just 2 things...ipod video and bose headphones...yea..do the math....hahahaha.....i cant wait to get my ipod video...then i can upload all my smallville series into it and watch it wherever i go...like in class for example...wahahaha...just kidding...

"Absence during the long time had been partcularly and inexplicably painful. It was as if something was misplaced- something very valuable- and its loss left a kind of vacancy. Emotions had always been such a jumble that he had never come to grips with them. Usually they changed so rapidly that he never had time to examine before another took place. This yearning sense of something missing, however, had persited for so long that he finally had to face it."
No i didnt compose tht paragraph on top...even though i like to take credit for it..haha..anyway i was kinda wondering...is this wad it feels like to suddenly realise tht u hav feelings for somebody when u leave tht person..like the following paragraph from tht extract is the same thing..like is it love or not...wad i think is that sometimes u need to be away from tht somebody to realise how much u care or just to realise tht u do hav this feelings for the person or not...like when the person is arnd u...u don realise the feeling is there bcos he or she is always there rite...but when the person is gone..for some reason ...as wad the extract said...theres a missing piece there...u cant place a finger onwad it actually is...its either tht or its the fact tht u don want to face the truth...theres really this thing abt the truth...its never the truth until someone believes in it...or tht theory..which may be the truth..is faced...like wad the extract said...the feeling persisted for so long tht he finally had to face it...i got it from a novel im reading now...well actually i read this novel abt 4 yrs ago...just tht when i found the novel in the bookshelf in a bookstore i was so happy tht i found it tht i bought all the series..which comprised of 10 books...but now compressed into 4 beautiful books...yea i mentioned abt this a few months back....

sometimes its just not fair how good things always last so short...and the bad things seems to drag on forever...like now...im dreading each page tht i read bcos i noe tht one day tht page tht i turned will be the final page of the story...i just really dread how damn gd stories always end...thts y if i noe tht i like this particular book...i rather prefer it to be very long..the thicker the book..the better...like the previous harry potter book....im quite disappointed its actually shorter than the previous one....thts y i always do my best to ration my regular reading of the novel...bcos if i don watch myself...i could read 50 pages in one night easily...argh..i just hope the story wont end...heh for some reason something just came to my mind now..."Nobody but you can write your own story."...well i think tht our own story is the only good story tht wont end...its our choice where we want to put our last page...how we want to write our epiloque....how long our story would be....well our parents probably are the authors of our proloque in our lives...but well most probably they wrote a good one...or even if they dont...its up to us to do wadever with the rest of the content of the book...=)....well...im going to sink into fantasy world now with my beloved novel....hav fun writing ur story...=)

17th week

2006-05-13T23:17:00.000-05:00

BEER!!..hahahaha...i just came back from a birthday dinner wif my indo friends....they all kinda drank beer....since im the youngest there and naturally be the only one whos drinking lemonade....they kinda persuade me to try a little of beer....a whole bottle actually....its like when i was eating b4 i noe it i got a beer bottle in front of me...its probably abt the size of the smaller tiger beer bottle...but this one more slender....yea well not to be a spoilsport i drank it...i took it slwoly at one time...the feeling is like drinking sprite...but its just bitter...gassy bitter liquid...heh not very tasty...after i put it down for a while they ask me drink again by toasting..hahaha...well in the end i only finished abt till the end of the bottle neck...cant stand the taste...heh....so its ok la...im still not going to drink...since now i already drank beer and wine b4....i havent tried liquor...the guys say i will like liquor since different the taste....bacardi if im not wrong...dunno la...i wont be drinking anytime soon again...haha...
heh then this week i go pack my stuffs in my dorm room cos i moving out..when i taking out all my stuffs...it kinda brings me back to the time when i actually move into my dorm room in january....when i actually think of it...its actually been 6 months..i noe i hav said it in one of my previous post...but isnt it crazy how fast just time flies....its like some of the stuff i put in my drawer i nv take...then when i take out rite...every memory of tht day came rushing back to me...its like some kind of a video ...playing the time when i first came here and everything...its kinda bittersweet...bitter cos for some reason its the first room ever tht i hav complete access to...as in i hold the key....sweet cos im leaving the room also.....heh...cos i cant stand the building after a while...second reason is also the fact tht since time passes so damn fast...it will be soon when i step on sporean soil again....

this kinda brings me to my next point...all this while sometimes i've been kinda thinking...am i a sporean or an indo?...yea theoretically speaking im an indo...buuut....in my perspective i prefer to redefine which country u belong to....or where ur loyalties lie...i feel tht my loyalties lies in the place where i hav something to care for...a place where i feel comfortable in...a place where the people i love stays....and i feel tht the place is more like spore...now don get me wrong...my relatives are all still back in indo....but for me im not comfortable staying in indo...for some reason it just doesnt feel rite....theres no click...im just referring to the place ah...the relatives i hav them mostly in indo...indo for me it just qualifies as the place where the people i love stays....but spore on the other hand...qualifies for 2....where i feel comfortable in and where the people tht i care stays....the loyalties part i still don noe...its like i will describe indo a house...whereas spore a home...i've heard loads of ppl complaining abt the things in spore...but when i come here...it opens my eyes to quite number of things...i used to agree to some of the complaints...but here in the us...lets take taxes for example...when i go wif my friends for dinner tht all probably totalled up to 120 bucks...the taxes is like 20 bucks in total....i noe u will like 'thts bs!'..but thts the way things work here..in spore its like the tax we pay r so minimal for dinners tht its insubstantial....trust me....spore may not b perfect...but its a gd place...anyway i came to think of this a few days ago when i go for work...i got my name tag...it says..." Daniel", "Business Administration- Singapore."...now being an indonesian my mind fires off as..."wait...thts not right"...then as i work...i tink a bit...(yea well cos basically my work doesnt need tht much thinking.)...the appropriate thing is tht im an indonesian...but for some reason...the emotion side tend to tip toward singaporean...its like ... i don even noe how to describe it...u may be in tht position b4..its like ur mind tend to go towards one side while ur feelings go the opposite..

crap...now i don noe wad to write again...i just seen my 'report card'...kinda incomplete...but then so far i got 4 subjects back...eng A-...second eng A...math A-...theology B...now waiting for history...now my gpa is 3.455....if i get a C for history...which is quite possible...i will lose my scholarship....damn damn damn damn......even if i get a B-....my gpa is like 2.97...minimum requirement is 3.0 to keep the scholarship...argh....

16th week

2006-05-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

heys ppl....last week of class is done for me now!!...=)..hahaha..but next week all the exams come..ppl keep wanting to kill me for having tuesday as my last day of exams...yea well we all got different schedules for exams cos we take different class..mine coincindentally all finish by tuesday...but then the downside will be having 2 exams on monday...and one on tuesday...heh probably the only reason stopping my friends from drowning me is tht my weekend will be hell..oh well....now im got some time to write blog...so its not tht bad..=)
now its spring here in milwaukee...and its really amazing how beautiful the campus has become...i've been wanting to take photos of the campus...but still cannot find the convenient time yet...but i will probably after my exams...after which i hav to learn how to put pictures into the entry...=)...anyway im going to give u guys a preview by describing it in words..the trees are probably the main ones..u noe how it is in spore the trees if they r green they will just be green...down here they hav different shades of green...light green...dark green...then there was red trees...well they werent actually red but there r soo many flowers in the tree tht it appears red...then there was white...same thing becos of the white flowers...then there was a maple color ones...then there is also pink...its just so beautiful...every single morning i take my time to walk to classes just to enjoy the magnificent color of the trees....beautiful start for the morning...haha...makes me want to take photography class sia....but its really just picturesque...
this week i went for a tkd testing last monday....then we hav a different tester...the grandmaster's son...cool and funny guy....he says during the testing..."ok now i want u guys to do full-contact full-force sparring....the person who knocks the other guy out first will get an A"...then we all look at him like speaking a silent, "Are u serious???"....then he smiled and say "Just kidding."...hahahhaa...then after tht he gave us a talk...he asked us wad kind of characters do u want to see in a friend, leader, employer...we all gave basically the same thing...honesty...confidence...loyalty....responsibility etc...then when all of this is written on the board...he ask us each one of them whether its attitude or skill....and after the exercise ended...every single on of the characteristic on tht board is an attitude or an attitude and a skill...this exercise kinda makes it really clear to me now...now im not saying tht i nv knew this...but its only at this moment tht it brands itself on my mind tht skill without attitude is like a person without his heart...its futile...theres no lifeforce to it...i don noe if i can just find one specific life lesson in mine to illustrate this....but its just very clear somehow...the concept i mean...of how important attitude is in our lives...

heh this week has also been quite a peaceful one for me..mentally i mean...remember the last entry i wrote the last thing i said i got lots on my mind..?...yea the next day after some time i realised why i feel so choked up in my mind the previous night...u see...i've been holding onto something thts well...uncertain...yea i tink thts probably the closest word i can tink of...the outcome of this is just unpredictable and it requires my utmost patience for it...anyway then i recalled these words i read in "Tuesdays with Morrie"...well i cant recall the words exactly..=P..but i noe its a lesson on detachment... its when u r troubled wif something...and u want to push it away and the problem naturally is u cant...so u fill urself up wif it...for example..if u fill sad and cant get rid of it...fill urself up wif it...just make sure u don hurt anyone...u can cry...exercise...read...wadever...then when u r over wif it...u suddenly feel so peaceful...my case its just a realization tht i don hav to be this way (frustrated)...i can just let it go for a while...hav a peace of mind...its like this burden taken off u...=)...theres this heavyness in the heart tht has been lifted off..i hav no idea how to actually say it in words...but its like tht...lightening ur burden of the mind ...and the heart...I tink i have this problem also becos of my tendency to live in my past...the saying "Stop living in your past and start to look in the future" kept on propping in my head everytime i had a dilemma...

this week kinda pinpoint something people may have misunderstandings about goals....a lot of people's answer will be like..." i want to be happy..."..."i want to be rich"..."i want to slim down"..."i want to be more fit"....but there is one problem wif this goal....its not SPECIFIC enuff...its not tangible to the point where u will find a lot of difficulty reaching it...we shld not hav money or happiness for our measurement of either success or wadever goal...bcos there can nv be enuff of it...like who can say they hav enuff money?..mayb bill gates can...but theres only a handfull billionaires who can say tht...and happiness is also another difficult thing....wad we must do to make it tangible is tht we concentrate on something thts related to tht particular goal...like for exmaple if ur goal is to be happy,...then set a goal of spending a specific amount of hours wif ur loved ones or do something tht makes u happy....i don want to sound like im the expert here..cos i still hav difficulty of finding tht thing related to personal finances itself...

heh i found another lesson for parenting...and from the usual source smallville...u noe when clark's dad was in a huge dilemma ..he was like so confused at wad to do tht he told clark.."son, i don noe how to protect u anymore.."...then clark replied an answer so perfect tht its worth to be placed in every son's mind..." Thts not ur job, dad....ur job is to teach me how to protect myself."....when i heard tht again theres some clicking in my mind...its like..hmmm....very very true...this ties in with one of the parenting lesson i posted a few weeks ago...about trusting the child into making his or her own decision...i think the mistake that some parents make is tht they sometimes do not realise tht their child has become old enuff to make their own decision...yea also bcos to them their child seem always young...but its so critical to the child's growth for making his own decision and learn from the mistakes tht if not done...the child wont be able to protect himself when the time comes..the parents' job is to teach their child to build a life...not build it for them....=)...

15th week

2006-04-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

hello ppls....been quite an eventful week this one..first off...i started my job!!....=)....more like physical labor...lol wasnt really expecting tht much...and i don really like to admit it...but my shoulders and hands are kinda a bit sore after carrying tables...chairs(10 at once on a cart)....i got this shift thts 10pm to 12am (nice huh) in the place...im carrying 10 chairs on a cart...and guess wad happen....all suddenly drop!!...u hav to be there to imagine the noise it makes...its both luck and unlucky its at night...lucky becos theres not many ppl there to see me being foolish...unlucky bcos its at night its quiet so the noise reverberated throughout 2 freakin floors....i down there look at the building manager and say 'my bad..'...wahahaha....its really awkward sia...well come on im new...then when im locking up the building i receive my first official radio message..."854 to 820 Daniel.."....then i excited hahaha like small child go take my walkie-talkie and press the button and say..."Go ahead..."...in a serious voice...and then...then...the message replied.."want a soda?"....i down there -_-llll like siao...so i reply "yea sure thing.."....wahahaha...but the walkie-talkie thing is pretty cool...but the soda thing as the first official message is just so wad-the-hell....wahahaha..but its memorable though...everytime i go take my walkie-talkie feel like playing with it...always meddle with the volume...make sure i can hear and everything..hahaha...quite fun...=)
wa then this week mark another one of the dumbest thing i ever did in my life...yesh...life...ok it went like this...after i go to the international center i feel like going to the toilet...so i go in...then i wonder...how come there are no urinary?...so i don really give it too much thought and went into one of the cubicles....and then theres a person outside...but theres something funny...how come the footsteps so loud?...as in the heels make tht clicking sound a bit too loud...then i down there process for a while..."no urinary...a person who is supposed to b a guy has heels tht make loud noises...hmmm"...then suddenly i finally realised and say "holy crap!"...then i wait until the person go out then i straight away dash outside and see the sign on the door of the toilet i went into...its says "Ladies"....bolded some more...i was like "oh".....when i go back to my room i was actually laughing at myself...now for me the part where i go into the ladies toilet is not ..mayb not dumb but more like accidental bcos i got quite a few things on my mind...its the part where i took so long to realise its a ladies toilet tht got me cracking at how foolish i can be sometimes...so many signs..3 actually..the all-cubicle toilet...the scent (yea got the perfume smell)..and the person wif loud heels....wahahaha....so tht counts 3 as the dumb things i did in the US...first as being go bathe in the floor bathroom nv bring towel (check out my archives for full details)....second is when i change dorm nv bring my pillow..then one week sleep on clothes as my pillow...wahahaha...foolish goofy me...=P

I probably hav many fav smallvlle episodes...but one of my fav has just been played abt 15 mins ago...its entitled "Memoria" from the third season...this is when clark gains his earliest memory whereby he was put into the ship by his mum...then clark told his earth mum abt it...its such a powerful and emotional scene with the song "My Immortal" playing behind it....even the director has tears flowing down his cheeks when he watched this scene...its really a beautiful scene...this is one of the episodes tht i like merely for the emotions it caused to stir in me...some of my fav episodes....im not sure really entitled wad..but probably come under parenting ones..(no comments pls)...the self-sacrificial ones....well generally they taught some kind of lessons or just reached out to me...

"Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness us unrealizable, but there are few who pause to consider the antithesis: that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable. The obstacles preventing the realization of both these extreme states are of the same nature: they derive from our human condition which is opposed to everything infinite. Our ever-insufficient knowledge of the future opposes it: and this is called, in one instance, hope, and in the other, uncertainty of the following day. The certainty of death opposes it: for it places a limit on every joy, but also on every grief. The inevitable material cares oppose it: for as tey poison every lasting happiness, they equally assiduously distract us from our misfortunes and make our consciousness of them intermittent and hence supportable." Primo Levi

the above quote is from a book written by Primo Levi, a person tht was detained in one of the death camps by the Germans during WW2 in Aushwitz, Poland....kinda makes sense doesnt it...the quote i mean...it helps me believe tht depression is all abt the state of mind...its abt wad the mind says and how it interprets events to itself...its not abt the events tht is happening to tht person..its all abt the interpretation of the events thts registering in the mind....

Haiz....i got serious mental block rite now...also cos i just hav too many things my mind now...i hav to sort myself out....a bit headache....i will write a longer one when summer come k ppl?...wish me luck at sorting my complex mind..

14th week

2006-04-22T23:32:00.000-05:00

hello ppl...i just got back from an indo dinner...a very nice dinner...=)...not only the food...the atmosphere too..had great laughs..=)..well basically my first impression is when i looked for ppl i didnt recognize (wad i did everytime i go for gathering)...i was surprised i recognised everyone...its quite nice actually...for some reason tht kinda completes my 'orientation' into the indo ppl here...hahaha..kinda takes a while doesnt it...like 5 months...i still cant believe it has actually been tht long...it was some tme this week when i realised..'wad the hell...theres only 3 weeks left in the semester..'...i was like...where did time go?...the first week for me here is like a year..but after a while my mind goes like 'time will pass faster if u don look too much in the long run..'..i realised tht i've been living week by week...as in im looking into my life by each week...not in the long run...i don noe if its a good thing or not...but it sure does help the time pass like flash...
anyway i went for soccer competition yesterday and today..its called 'Marquette World Cup'..hahaha...as in yea it is in some way a type of world cup cos all the competitors form teams based on their nationality....well indonesia won the first round and got into the semifinals...but we got eliminated then...its quite an experience...had a lot of fun...one of the funnest is when we saw a pretty girl..and i really mean pretty in the european team and the guys is like all talking abt her...its hilarious...u hav to be there to actually experience it...hahaha..

heh everyone is starting school this week huh (my badge of sec 4s)...it feels funny somehow...it acts as somekind of detachment for me...i don noe how to describe it...but i came up wif a quote i tink abt last week.."As i settled, they served the purpose and moved on."...now i really kinda made this sound bad by saying their purpose...but seriously..thts as close as it is to how i feel abt it..now don get me wrong as if they r done with their purpose they slowly walk out of my life...tht is serious...seriously...seriously the last thing i want in my life...bcos as i mentioned b4 in one of my entries...my family and friends in spore acts as a pillar...like someone i can always count on to be there for me...not tht i mean physically but as in for emotional support and those stuffs...the first few months for me has been so difficult for me tht when i look back now....i never want to hav to go through the process...i noe i grow a lot from the process...but for some reason there r almost times tht i can just break down tht if i break down a couple more times i can never recover back...but again sometimes i can be outsmarted by myself by saying 'Wadever tht doesnt kill u makes u stronger.'...well its just tht my point is without the memories and the company of the ppl back home...i don tink i can ever make it on my own here...=)...*fist to heart* to u guys...=)...it also occurs to me y im actually put into the spring semester here...bcos i have been wondering tht i shld hav gone into the fall semester bcos tht the time where everyone is new in the school then...yea its different from spore where the new year starts at january..its starts in august here...anyway my answer came in this week...the fact tht i need the ppl back home more than the ppl here for the settling in part proves tht...if i came in during the fall semester...my friends will all be in school by then and they definitely don hav as much time as they had during january...seriously like everytime i come back from my 9 oclock class i will straight away go back to my room and check who online to tok to...usually cheryl harry yeos....=)...but in the morning my time is usually the time where a lot more ppl r online...anyway coming back to my point...i tink the guy up there has put me in the spring semester for this particular reason....

this past week i realised tht wad u tink u will become...sometimes thts a good thing...sometimes thts a bad thing...ok lets take me for an example...i hav always model the physiology and mental processes of ppl whom i admire...usually for their strength and confidence...and i picked a few ppl..Adam Khoo....Stuart Tan...Anthony Robbins and Superman...i watched and observed the way they talk: their tone...their speed of speech...their choice of words...the loudness...then i observe the way they carry themself: the way they walk...the way they stand when they stand still...their facial expressions...these physical things abt them makes them radiate strength and confidence...after i observed this...i put it into practice by mirroring just wad they did....then i observed the way they think...since Adam and Stuart are my coaches they taught me the ways to think so tht not only on the outside u r strong...but on the inside u r too...cos wad i tink is tht ppl sometimes put up this strong front...but inside they can be broken a lot easier than they seem on the outside...well anyway they taught me...i learnt...but havent been as successful as i had been on the outer appearance..hahaha...thts y i probably built this defensive shield to protect wads inside...wad made me think abt this is in one of my calls wif my mum last week...she ask me...'Do u still miss home?'....and for some reason i answered 'No.'...and it came out so quick tht for its almost like an instinct...thts a lie of coz..i miss home like hell...now its not so bad cos i've learnt to live wif it...but anyway this is the part when i say its bad in the start of this paragraph...when i say wad u think u will become...like i keep thinking to myself to be the strong and confident person i want to be...but in the process i hav only become strong in the outer appearance but still relatively weak on the inside tht i built tht defensive shield..tht came right out when i said No...it almost sounds rude...im actually quite ashamed of myself after i thought abt it...its like.."im acting too much"...haiz...nvm..bcos sometimes i also feel tht theres always 2 sides to a coin...and for tht reason ppl too...

u noe something..i tink by writing down all these thoughts down...it can act as some sort of therapy u can do for urself...like wad Stuart said in my tagbox..."Introspection and reflection strengthens the soul"...i hav no idea how it works..but everytime i write finish a blog entry or a diary entry..especially if b4 tht i hav a lot of things on my mind...for some reason i can write a lot more when i just let my mind speak...bcos after Os i actually decided to write a book on personal development...but it nv kinda developed into a full book...its hardly even a chapter...but when i write a blog entry...i almost nv find it hard to write down my thoughts...its like when i don make it a chore...i will do a lot better ...strange huh..

13th week

2006-04-15T20:52:00.000-05:00

woosh...feel tired now man...played soccer from 2 to 5....hahaha...my feet not used to the soccer boots now got blisters...ouch...im having my easter break now...5 days..hehehe...and my floor now is so so quiet..cos i tink im the only one here....and this week i came in contact wif ppl from swiss cottage primary!...i havent talked to them for like 7 yrs man geez...its a real shock to see how much they changed...or even dont...wahaha..no offence...but yea im pretty glad i met them again..thru friendster...i was supposed to be doing a paper in the library when i decided to do a little searching in friendster...and i decided to watch phantom of the opera when im in ny...thts seriously going to be an experience...its like i fell in love wif the play when i watch the movie...its going to cost too...like 70 bucks...so i really got to work my ass off during summer for not only the play but also for the shopping in new york....and not tht im going to take it as if my debit card has no limit to it or wadsoever....but i found a way in order for me not to spend too much...im going to hav tht 'buy list' recorded mentally...so i will at least noe wad to buy...=)...

i watched lord of the rings just now..(its ok not smallville anymore)....and theres a scene whereby aragorn and arwen has their scene...its the two towers by the way....aragorn was in a dilemma..he doesnt noe where to go..saying tht his path is hidden from him...then arwen said something tht got thru my mind and makes perfect sense....she said..."if u lost everyone and everything u trust...trust ur heart..."...i noe some ppl will say its cheesy and all tht bs...but sometimes..or most of the time..cheesy stuff makes sense..anyway...u may find thts its tough to say tht just trust your heart...but read the line properly again...its says IF u lost everything and everyone...wad im saying is tht when u r making a decision...best to use ur heart as ur root...and then ur mind, family, and friends as ur trunk and branches...heh strange analogy but i tink its the best there is...=)...cos for me its worst when it comes to making decisions...like wad course or major u want to choose in uni which can potentially be a choice for ur future....then u face the problem of having ur friends going to one course tht u noe u don really favor...but then u r afraid of unfamiliarity if u want to choose another path... all tht comes into play...

one part of the movie also teaches me abt something...u remember the times when u suddenly felt totally helpless?....when u r like "wad the hell am i doing here?"....like seriously lost hope...feel like turning back and all?....yea at one part of the movie frodo was at this point...he just felt tht he couldnt go on anymore...even suicidal....mayb some ppl hav tht moment b4..but then think of this....his companion sam told him something ...in stories there r ppl who are faced with a challenge so great and daunting tht it may potentially crush them...some decide to turn back and run...while some decided to move and fight on to see the sun rise...this power..this determination...all comes from within them....the fact tht they r holding onto something...and when they pass through this period of darkness...they bcome stronger than ever...(i added a bit to wad he said)....anyway...my point is tht i...very young me...hav seen lots of my friends who dwell in their own self-pity and wad sam described as period of darkness...they seem to b outside their mind, body, and soul and looking at their state at tht moment...(i've actually thought to write this in my diary but thought it mayb more useful to put it in my blog entry)....Sometimes they don realise tht they r actually at tht state...wallowing in self-pity and not looking for a way out...or sometimes they r just waiting for ppl to pull them out of tht period..i believe in this quote to the maximum.."You cannot help a person who doesnt want to be helped."....sometimes when in tht period some ppl just choose to feel tht way...and they think they r waiting for ppl to pull them out....but i can seriously say tht they can be waiting forever..let me give u a simpler situation...u definitely hav a time where u r unhappy or upset rite....and someone comes along and says 'cheer up !..everything is going to be ok !'..u probably put on tht smile and say thanks...but u noe deep down inside tht u r not feeling any better at all...or u may bcos tht person who says it to u is ur significant one..but its a temporary effect..until U CHOOSE to feel better...and then u feel better..its the same wif the period of darkness part..its until the time where u say.."Im sick and tired of this state im in..im sick and tired of being powerless at solving this problem...i want to break out !!"...and then u start to feel different...u feel better and everything seems more beautiful and better...

now im writing this bcos i noe how it feels like...and sometimes when i tink back on those times i dwell upon foolish thoughts of me being alone and the whole world is going against me...its stupid...seriously...it takes some time for me to realise tht...y am i doing this to myself...some of the ppl live their lives as if the problems tht meet them r not challenging at all...but these ppl i noe hav problems which r far bigger than mine..,but the difference between me and them(at least at tht time) was tht instead of focusing on the problem itself..they tend to shift their focus to the solution to tht problem...its like their mind work the complete different way....for example when i am faced wif a problem b4 i meet these ppl....my mind will fire off "oh shit"...well the focusing on the problem goes worst than those 2 words..wahaha...but anyway...when these grp of ppl i met r challenged wif a problem...their mind will fire off in a completely different way...they will think.."hmm...how do i get out of this mess..."...its tough to get into tht kind of automatic fire-off...but after a number of practices...it does automatically fire off tht way...but i do slip sometimes..(come on im only human =)...)..i will tend to dwell of the fact tht theres no one in the world who has the same problem as me...my problem r bigger and tht sort of thinking...but the thing is tht the recovery is faster...there r countless times where i want to put nicks on msn tht screams out self pity...but after a while i smack myself in the forehead. and say."wad am i doing??"..and then things get better from there.....strange?...its just the way the mind works...but i want to point out tht there ARE ppl who hav problems bigger and deeper than ours....but then again the quote tht i mention a few weeks ago come into play..."The level of challenges that you are facing now is such tht u r well-equipped enough from past experiences to deal with the present challenges."...

coming back to wad sam said in the movie...he said tht these ppl hav the strength to trudge on becos they r holding onto something...wad i may also call ur center...in other words its the purpose of why u r doing wad u r doing at tht moment...when u r lost...u can always fall back to this very purpose tht can give u the strength to march on....lets look at me for an example...there was a time when i was completely lost here...like feeling i want to give everything up (yes it had been tht bad)...but then i fall back to y am i doing this...wads the purpose of me leaving familiarity and jumping into alien reality....the answer is the fact tht its for my own personal growth as a person...make me more independent...get my degree so i can lead the best life i can....its tht purpose and reason tht is driving force...everytime i fall...i would fall back to my center which is my purpose...purpose and goals gives us tht direction and destination to shoot for and tht driving force to lead us all the way to our destination...=)

12th week

2006-04-08T22:56:00.000-05:00

aaah man...im just over wif one of ...or the most hectic week since i've been here...its nuts man...on monday i didnt thought i got tht much to do but then on tuesday i started jotting down the things i got...and i got pretty shocked...i got a history test on friday...engl test on thurs....theo assignment due friday...math hw due wed...and a bit more i forgot...its seriously sick...to make things worse...i got flu on thursday...i was like dying on thurday night man...then got hist test on friday morning...which could hav gone worse cos i gambled wif the qst tht might come out and i gambled right...but i was under flu tht morning so it could hav been better...oh ya my name got printed on the university newspaper !!...hehehe....its abt the tkd thing...they reported i got first in forms and breaking and second in sparring..pretty cool man..hahaha...and i also got a job interview on monday!!...heh first job ever...its called assistant building manager..sounds cool?...well wad i do is prepare for events...as in the physical part...like arranging tables and food....wahaha..cool name but the job kinda manual mostly...but im going to use this as a stepping stone to bigger jobs...so at least next time when i apply for more higher jobs i can boast abt job experience..hehehehe

this past week ive been kinda reading my past entries....u noe since january....and i realise tht there is quite a lot transitions going on there...i don really noe how to describe it...but there r really some changes..small ones like knowing how to draw out money from an atm machine...starting a bank account...how to do laundry..how to do a bit of groceries (consist of cookies, milk, shampoo, disposable utensils...cereal...wahahaha)...and big things...like how to not feel uncomfortable when eating alone in a cafetaria full of ppl...how to step outside comfort boundaries and feel tht its necessary...how to bring myself back up when i fall...realising fully tht family and friends are most important in my life...learning abt humility...stuffs like tht...
u noe..these things u might say its something we all r already expected to noe...but understanding and just knowing is 2 completely different things....for example...u noe tht we shld nv take our family and friends for granted...but u may nv understand it completely until the point whereby u r very far from them and cant see them face to face....its like yea i know im taught in akltg abt the importance of family and friends during the camp...but i really nv fully comprehend it until now...its like u really hav to be in tht position whereby u r waaayyy outside ur comfort boundary and u hav no one u noe to turn to....at this point u suddenly will say...'i hope my family and friends were here...'....and its a difficult process...but its necessary sometimes if u want to learn how to b indepedent...

i read a reading in my theo class last wed..and for the first time it makes sense and sparked tht interest in me...its actually the first time i told myself to keep on reading and not to take a nap...wahahaha...ahem..anyway...its generally abt the God being dependent or self-sufficient...i noe u guys r definitely screaming to me 'of coz self sufficient!'..but wait!....let me type down part of the reading... :

" An all-good being would presumably prevent evil only if it could do so without thereby preventing some greater good not possible without lesser evil. God would have created persons only out of his pure love for them amd desire to enter into a genuine relationship with them. Love presupposes, however, an object that exist in some way. If God created persons out of love for them, they must have pre-existed and in a mode more real than the manner in which ideas exist in the mind of mortals. Indeed if God desired our love, then he manifested a need essential to godhood--But God's manifesting any need is clearly incompatible with the concept of an absolute being. "

ok in short wad its saying tht if God is a perfect God...he must be an absolute being...self-sufficient...but then thts not wad i want to tok abt..cos if i tok abt this im probably gonna earn my ticket to hell faster cos im just not in the right place to talk abt theologic contradictions...my point is in the first sentence of tht paragraph and this quote from the reading..."The idea of static, absolute perfection must be replaced, with the idea of perfection as a dynamic creativity that acts to enhance the happiness of others and by so doing enhances its own happiness" doesnt it make perfect sense??...the realization of the quote 'For greater good to exist, there must be a lesser evil' was like jumping out of the reading and then printed itself on my brain when i was reading it...ok mayb i will use tht quote to make some examples...some of u guys now are probably starting in ur new school very soon rite..(my badge of sec 4s)...and u may ...or probably most definitely will feel scared and very uncomfortable going out of ur comfort boundary and into the unknown...and realise tht even though some ppl say its a good thing...the uncomfortable part is definitely the 'lesser evil' part ..bcos no one likes to feel uncomfortable and tht makes it some type of evil....then the 'greater good' comes into play when u got more familiar wif the surrounding...made new friends...mayb even met a new love or something...but theres the greater good...all the pieces now come together...(at least it is for me)....its like at tht moment when i was reading it in the library the pieces of puzzle come together perfectly....i hop it does the same for u guys...=)

heh i was watching smallville abt haf an hour ago(no comments pls) and i was listening very closely when clark has a conversation wif his dad....i finally pin down one of the very important things of a good parent...when lets say they r abt 12 or 13...a parent has to put their belief in them...faith of them making good choices...like for example if the child is unsure of wads going to happen if he or she is going to make the right or wrong choice in the future....a parent may tell the child...'i don noe when tht time will come or wad choices it might offer to u...but when the time comes...i believe tht u r going to do the right thing..'...makes sense? i noe it might sound a little cheesy but it does kinda hav a tremendous effect on the child...cos it teaches the child to grow up and make his or her own choices...cos if a parent is going to like say 'choose this..choose tht...do this...do tht...' until they r like youths...and when the parents r not arnd anymore...the child is going to say...' wad the hell am i going to do??'....now i wanna make this clear...if u r reading this and ur parents r doing the 'do this do tht' style...DO NOT blame them....im no expert on parenthood either (geez im 17 years old for pete's sake)...its just my opinion from my analysis from smallville...but if u tink wad i said is true and ur parents r doing the wrong way..again DO NOT blame them...take it as some kind of lesson...so tht one u can b ready when the time comes for u to make a choice...and also when u hav ur own child u would not do the less favorable way....parents...however bad they are...r still our parents and they deserve our love and utmost respect (this is wad i took away from akltg camp..=) ...)..

11th week

2006-04-01T21:35:00.000-06:00

Woo hoo !!...i went to tkd tournament today and took part in 3 competitions...forms..breakings and sparring....and i got first place for the first 2 but second on the sparring...well the sparring doesnt really count cos theres only 2 competitors in my division...so tht don count..but the breaking and forms i got first man...hehehe...so cool walking arnd wif 2 big trophies in my hands..but there r some serious martial arts shown in the tournament man..i saw a black belt break 3 boards in one jump....back flip and break a board in the air....break a board wif 540 degrees roundhouse..(for those of u who don noe wad a 540 round house is...check google mayb they show u..its damn cool)...

i just watched my family home video...taken abt a year ago..for some reason it feels like so looong time ago man...all just because of a different lifestyle...i remember it was at abt 340pm in my first evening here tht it suddenly really full blow struck me of the fact tht im actually going to college...and for the first time in my life im alone...literally..theres no one i can seriously hang out wif...no one to eat wif in the cafetaria wif etc etc...its hard...seriously..but for some reason even now when i already hav quite a number of friends compared to abt 2 months ago...i still tend to compare here and spore for some reason...i keep saying 'oh however close they might b...they can nv b like my sporean friends.'...its bad thinking..very bad thinking...its probably the reason y i cant get closer to them...bcos i keep comparing between the 2...and bcos of the comparison...even when they get close...my mind will unconsciously push them away...saying 'no they shldnt b this close'....its nuts sometimes...like i want to hav close friends..but for some reason when they do get closer i unconsciously push them away...

one of the reasons y i seem to hav difficulty mixing wif friends here is tht i seem to take making friends as some sort of a chore...wilson is the one who smacked tht on me abt 2 weeks ago...and he also said tht its either im not making an effort or they don like me tht cause my alienation....it mayb a little harsh...but its somewad true tht i may not be making enuff effort...but i also don want to make making friends as some sort of a chore...cos ppl can immediately see tht im not sincere and stuffs like tht...i hav no idea how to balance it...i seem to miss the andrew matthews book manual on making friends...but then again it will seem as some sort of a chore..i want it to b something natural, u noe...like i can tok normally to them without feeling tht i hav to noe more abt them so tht i can get into his or her social circle or something...sometimes i thought it mayb the unconscious and conscious part of the mind..like when u r unconscious of the fact tht u want to make friends..u actually naturally click wif them...but when u r consciously making effort to make friends..then theres some kind of feeling tht the other party sense it...and its not really good...am i making any sense here???..wahaha,..i tend to do tht here for some reason...i realise im getting the american accent in my speech already...but its somekind of switch thts only turned on when im toking to a person wif american accent...but if im talking wif lets say my indonesian or malaysian or sporean friends...the accent switch is turned off...automatic kind of thing...but its better la...(there u go..i hav not lost the ultimate 'la' havent i..)...anyway its better cos if i come back wif an american accent..for some reason if i may seem like a different person...yea go figure...its natural law..wahaha...

i got into some other ppls' blog last week...and for some reason seeing how ppl are in real life is different from mayb when they r alone...writing a blog entry for example...i was just switching channels last week when i got into one movie(u don want to noe wad movie it is...its so freakin cheesy)...but i got one good quote right when i switch to it...the guy says 'Why r u leading 2 separate lives when u can lead one fulfilling one?'...for some reason tht got me thinking...like the famous (old fashion) qst of "who am i?"...don tell me ur name...ur characters wadever,..but i myself don noe wad categories does the answer come under...don noe la...i myself also tend to think and reflect a lot at times (did u notice?...wahahaha)....most of the times i will just recall memories...its like some kind of archives from my mind...movie archives...then i just take out one episode and play it...sometimes i can derive some kind of lesson from it...or just watch it for fun...sometimes if i miss those times..i will look at the photos...ppl may think tht by looking at photos it will make things worst..but it actually makes things better...like for example when im leaving for US...from dunno when i already set my mind...i don want any of my friends to come when i leave the for US...but then for some reason at tht time when im leaving...i actually appreciate them a lot for being there for me...really...tht morning when i packed my last minute stuff...my heart is like at quite a low point...and the only thing thts keeping it from going lower and to the point where i cant handle it anymore is the fact tht im going to see my family and friends again b4 i leave...its tht supportive feeling tht helped me through..like feeling tht theres will always be someone for me to fall back on when the challenge ahead seems too daunting...trust me u don noe how much i appreciate tht feeling...

Hav u ever had a time when u r completely alone..?..i mean as in literally..no one is arnd u...no distraction wadsoever...and u r just concentrating on one thing?...its amazing how peaceful it can b...now at the moment its 1 am and i only hav one light on...im alone in the room wif my laptop...its really very peaceful...to help mayb u can listen to soft music...its like theres this feeling no one in the world can bother me...i kinda hav been doing tht for some time...usually its just me and the laptop or me and a storybook....seriously peaceful man...give it a shot some time and enjoy the peace and tranquility....=)

10th Week

2006-03-25T21:09:00.000-06:00

hello ppl...=)...first week back suddenly all the work pile up...last wed killing man..history paper assignment i hav to rush...then monday got math test...theology thesis and engl paper 4 draft,...argh...cant wait for the semester to end....haiz and i just found out im not going back for summer...='(...i was quite looking forward to it...the thing tht helped me out of it is the fact tht im probably going to new york to watch phantom of the opera...and take some other course or something... and today lunch i ate sooo much tht even angmoh shocked...i ate omelette...scrambled eggs..4 small sausages...one plate of big waffel....fruit cocktail...peaches wif scottish cheese...one glass of milk and a glass of apple juice...its the most i hav ever eaten in a single meal here b4...heh i guess my metabolism buringing too fast...and i probably gain weight already...=P

i watch part of the movie 'my girl'..heh cos theres nothing much on tv anyway,...but sometimes i really find it relaxing watching family-friendly movies...anyway its a movie abt this girl who goes abt her life with a father and her mum passed away...well yea managing and spending the life of a child in the US neighbourhood...(i wanna emphasize on the US neighbourhood cos growing up in spore is completely different..at least from my perspective)...anyway her life is just so simple...going to school...riding bikes...spending time with her best bookworm friend...fishing...chatting under the tree beside a lake...its just all so simple and innocent...like nothing in the world mattered anymore..i guess our parents r rite when they say when we r young its like the best time of our lives huh..but its really a time where we all cant get back...last time its just study(if u want) and play...so simple...now its something like study(or ur out) and play(if u hav time)....its just really a change of things...many things...

"Raising a child is the hardest job in the world, but its the most rewarding of them all."....i got this from a quote in smallville(again)..hahaha...this parenthood has been a big part of my development last year abt october..heh thts when i spent time with my little buddy reyner...hahaha..amusing little fellow...i felt uncomfortable arnd him the first time bcos i dunno how to respond to his actions..(hes a toddler)...so hes kinda playing and all...but after a while i got used to it and played wif him...and i enjoyed it..haha...soemtimes toddlers and babies just express their love so openly tht u r even caught by surprise..but its a very rare feeling...to hav someone depend on u fully...heh i just remembered one event tht actually sparked this friendship wif me and him...it was during dinner outside near the singapore river..so after the dinner since hes too active to sit tight while the rest of the adults were chatting..i volunteered to take him for a walk...a very long walk...he kept running and running so far ..so when i took him back his parents were so worried tht i feel so bad...im like "oh damn"...then after tht for some reason he somewad take me as my big brother..(yes i am already a big brother but its quite different when u hav a toddler as ur smaller sibling)...im probably posting a picture of him in my friendster profile...don judge by his mischievous look..hes naughty in a way but also fun in tht way...=)...

heh im actually keeping pointers now on how to be a good parent...(so early??)...ok wadever...but it comes to smallville again...seriously man...it has a lot of good role models...clark as a person..his parents as ..well..parents..well the girls side i dunno cos i just model after clark and his dad...the way i see it his family has really his very strong bond among each other...u can say its unbreakable...now i keep on searching wad is the thing thts keeping them together..well u can say love but i tink it goes deeper than tht...and being able to raising such a good kid too...well for one thing i saw is tht they let him make his own choices when he is mature enuff...let him b independent..well yea i saw tht too when i observe other families teach their child...like letting them walk their own or climbing down the steps without holding the toddler's hand...but their parents always and ever ready to catch the child in case he loses balance and falls...well i will probably found out more in the long run...im still got a loooong way to go !!..wahahaha...
for some reason i realise thts its easier to help other ppl than to help urself...i mean just look at clark..he save a person in every single episode...but in every single episode hes always troubled with his own matters tht wif even all the powers he has he cant fix it...its so ironic...sometimes i tink helping someone else provides a way out of our own problems...we feel tht we can cover our own problems wif other ppl's so tht we wont feel so guilty running away from ours...heh sometimes i tink i think too much..wahahaha...heh keeps the brain healthy...=)

9th week

2006-03-18T23:08:00.000-06:00

hey ppl..=)...damn i just spent quite some time doing my history paper...really a bit headache...but im glad i started on it at least...and spring break is over man...=(...this week is quite a break...bought some things tht really make me happy..hahaha...on monday i bought the david edding books...4 books but it totalled to abt 80 bucks(US $)....well its my own money tht i bought it wif..and its really worth it..cos its some kind of collector's edition kind of thing..and bcome very precious to me..hahaha...then i bought 2 shoes...soccer and basketball...soccer i just bought the cheapest there is since i wont be using it as often as the basketball one...i broke the chain of wad i tot i want to collect all the tmac...but i got a d-wade now which is not so bad...heh i will show it to u when we meet...=)...

theres really this thing abt helping ppl u noe...in the movies sometimes it seems so simple to help ppl...usually emotionally...cos physically we can just dive into somebody's rescue rite...but most of the time helping emotionally just seems so hard...at least it is to me...im not sure abt u...sometimes u can say the person don want to be helped..cos sometimes i see someone in constant pain...almost a desperation to escape the situation...and its crazy sometimes feeling tht im witnessing this very thing happening rite in front of me and theres nothing i can do abt it...thts the part tht drives me crazy...sometimes u tink its just soemthing the person has to go through alone in life...but i don believe tht...no problem has to be solved alone...its only in the part where u hav to confront the problem tht u hav to do it alone...the analogy of 'i can show u the door, but u r the one tht hav to walk thru it.'....but sometimes for me i face the hesitation of asking someone how is the problem going and some sort like tht...i don want to be the one to remind them of the problem u noe...like lets say someone just cried...and after the person stopped crying...i don noe whether to say how is he or she feelng or just change the subject and talk abt something else...(if u hav any pointers abt this...leave it in the tagbox)...

Smallville has really been instilling some of its characteristics in me man..hahaha...i just realise it when i chat wif harry some time last week...he was saying something abt u will realise more abt the matter if u ask someone else for opinion...its something like tht cos i cant really reveal wadever was being said..anyway i unconsciously said tht i rather find abt it alone and judge it according to me...and one other thing tht i forgot..=P..hahahaha...anyway im not showing off here...wad im saying tht very small things can change u...well im repeating wad i said abt 2 weeks or a week ago...but its really cannot b emphasized enuff...small things like wad u read...the music u listen to...the programs u watch on tv...the type of outfits or clothes u usually wear...they (99%) reflect who u r as a person..cos they hav the potential to change u...i feel tht the david eddings books really do hav quite an impact on me...cos i was spending a whole lot of time reading it when i was reading it for the very first time...i was consciously analysing the characteristics of how a confident and funny person should act and carry himself just by reading the characters of the story....cos tht time was the early stage of my personal development age...so i was sometimes practising it in reality...trial and error method all the way...

this kinda brings me to my next point..im not sure if i brought this up in any of my entries b4,...but ' The level of challenges that you are facing now is such that you are well-equipped enuff from past experiences to deal wif the present challenges'....another saying to explain this is ' As you get better, the games get more difficult.'...believe it or not...im always falling back to this very quote everytime i want to emotionally crumble down here...it unconsciously strengthens my spirits cos theres this particular belief that if i hav gone through something like this b4..now is just a little harder...if not for this quote man...well u get the point...i just thought of another saying that has a similar meaning to previous one...'A person will not see what he is to see until he is ready for it'....like something would not come into ur precious life unless u r ready for it...wadever this thing is...it cannot be so difficult tht u cannot handle it...and keep in mind tht theres always ppl arnd u to help u...the great creator himself would not b so evil to put something in ur life tht u cannot handle..hes not THT mean...wahahaha....eveything happens for a reason...sometimes if u look hard enuff...theres a purpose in every friend u hav....whether to help u thru a problem...just to hang out wif...crap arnd wif...theres a reason...the harsh reality is tht if he or she has no purpose in ur cause or u don hav a purpose in his or her course....the both of u would not be close friends at all....but remember...the word purpose sometimes can be reflected so 'chimly' (i just invented tht word out of the blue..yea i noe im creative) tht u can b searching high and low but still found none...but purposes like just being a friend where u can tok to...play sports wif..discuss studies...ALL these are purposes...im actually kinda wondering now if im actually thinking too much abt these stuffs..wahahaha...but its fun sometimes..gives the brain something to do...cos too much academic stuffs in ur head sometimes can drive u crazy....so for those of u who r wondering how i can study for so long periods of time and still did not get the grades thts ideal to the studying time..well theres my reason..hahaha..im making it sound bad...but i don really regret it...it makes me who i am today...=)

8th Week

2006-03-12T00:51:00.000-06:00

heys people...now in a different room typing....since now spring break starts i probably hav this room for the next week...yipee...haha..its quite a change from my mccormick dorm room...i hav my own bathroom...and a lot more extra room...only one thing lacking here... : pillow. damn kuku one la...i tot got pillow..now tonight i probably use clothes as my pillow...wahaha..

i really don like the feeling of being pitied...its more pathetic than if i hav the feeling of self-victimisation in me...it went like this..since i hav not much places to eat this afternoon i decided to go for a 'little' walk to a restaurant the indos here usually go for meals...so i asked one of them how to get there and so i walked on my own...if u want to noe how 'short' it is...in total i probably walked half the length of singapore...in the restaurant i could feel my leg muscles vibrating...now the pitying part is tht im now probably seen as an antisocial...walking arnd on my own and this kind of thing...so the indos kinda ask each other to invite me out or something...now don get me wrong..im not angry at them...i appreciate them a lot for inviting me out to dinner and movies...on the contrary..im actually angry at myself...i can nv imagine tht i can actually be so...erm...antisocial...i don enjoy being alone at first..but after a while im so used to it tht i actually enjoyed being alone...alone at meals...in the room...wadever...now tht fire of wanting to breakout of this pathetic state of mine is probably sparked again...i really don want it to vanish...cos when i see the general college students here...they r actually having the time of their life... i noe cos i went to a small birthday party few days ago...and they r all like laughing and enjoying themself..now at this moment...i realized (cos im not particularly engaged in any conversation)...its actually me..not the environment..i mean..if the westerns r enjoying themself its ok cos its a amiliar environment for them..but some asians there r also enjoying themselves...so it does actually struck me at the fact tht im in the 'victim' mode...i blame the new environment for everything...the word 'antisocial' has been repeatedly occuring in my mind..i even hav one person say tht to me...(in a joking way, but still)...

sometimes i wonder how did i manage to make so many friends(relatively) in spore...i looked and thought back...i even watched movies like mr deeds...he got something in common wif me...he is new in town...for him it is his good-nature tht won him many friends...well thts a movie..but sometimes here its just hard..now i know many ppl...but its all in the 'hi-bye' kind of thing...so i nv got to noe them really better...like in spore i can just talk to some of my closer grp of friends anything...its just different here...lol i was abt to blame the fact tht im a lot younger than them...but i tink its already a fact tht im in college..so i hav to play on the same lvl wif them...regardless of my age..its funny cos just yesterday one of the girls i meet in the birthday party ask me 'How old r u?...u seem kinda older...'...i luffed when she said tht and one of my friends helped me answer 'He is 17'...and her eyes go wide and said 'get out of town!'...tht doesnt mean literally...its just a way of being shocked...and if u want to make an issue of a girl-boy relationship blossoming...u can push it away cos we r just barely knew each other...and the matter of boy-girl relationship here is almost as rampant as spore...

i just found a book tht i read abt 4 years ago...im so excited when i found it in the library...i straight away go back to my dorm and read the book ...first night i finshed 100 pages...its just so good...cos this fantasy based book...i tink its not like any other..usually a fantasy book will hav a subject matter..which usually is a quest for some valuable object...now this particular book...the author focuses on the relationship between the characters...and the quest become a secondary priority...and this makes the read so enjoyable becos the characters r so cheeky wif one another...i even created a cast tht i will hav if i were to create the movie....
Althalus- Johny Depp
Dweia / Emmy- Liv Tyler (lord of the rings)
Eliar- Hayden Christensen (star wars)
Andine- Kristen Kreuk (smallville)
Bheid- dunno yet
Leitha- Naomi Watts (king kong)
Gher- Jake Lloyd (anakin in star wars 1 )
hehe..some casts eh?..well i really do encourage u to pick up the book..its called " The Redemption of Althalus"...don get fooled by the cover..cos i noe the cover of the book is a bit evil and those type..thts wad i though when i pick it up..i don like the evil type but its becos of the author tht i pick up and read the book...David Eddings has written quite a number of fantasy books..and in my opinion he is a better writer than Jrr Tolkien...i wont spoil it for u..=)..

Yea man i learn another thing abt courage this week....its 2 events tht helped me...first is during tkd tht i sparred...first time i had point sparring..means u get a point if u hit an opponent's chest...well it didnt go so well at first cos when the match started and i charged in..my dear brother got hit squarely man...yea u can laugh...-_-lll....heh my opponent go a warning..then after tht i give it my all...but i still lost in overtime sudden death...cos we brought the match to a tie..he won 2-3...but he and i r good friends so its nothing personal...after tht the other ppl r like praising us for the great fight....another event is during saturday when i played late night soccer...soccer is not my thing at all..to prove tht fact ..im the only one wearing basketball shoes on the field...quite ridiculous..but then i ran like hell again and i actually managed to score a goal...wad i learned is tht after a while it doesnt matter how good or bad some ppl r at somethings..but when they give their best shot...they definitely will be rewarded for the effort...it wins respect of all things...trust me...give it a shot next time...=)

7th week

2006-03-04T22:25:00.000-06:00

hello ppl....been my birthday week...=)...its my birthday where i spend the day wif my favorite person allll day....me !...wahahaha..well thts wad i learnt at akltg camp...and im not the only one thts giving himself or herself credit...even adam khoo thank his other half for the journey in his book...well yea on the other hand i honestly hav to say tht i just don want to make it sound pathetic by saying i spend the whole day alone didnt i...but its always good to hav some time wif urself..just spend time...dream if u like...but its peaceful...bcos if we cant love ourself...how the heck r we going to love other ppl...harry said this once ' We cant give something we dont hav.'...yea well tht applies to this one...its just simply being ur own best friend....appreciating urself...well u may not understand wad im saying but if u do..good for u..=)

well this friday marks one of the most..er...remarkable things i did in my basketball 'career'...its like this...cos when me and the indos arrive there all the courts were kinda fiiled wif other ppl...no chinese except for abt the 5 of us there...so we just went arnd..and we got separated cos some courts needed 2 or 3 more to play...i 'fortunately' got into a game whereby im the only chinese playing...not to mention the smallest in size...wif 9 other big guys...its really kinda intimidating man...but it actually turns out to b quite good...i actually did a lay up past an african american...cos he was kinda laughing at me from the other end since he thought i was slow...well i shut him up wif the lay up anyway...then in another game wif the same guys i did a few lay ups which earned a comment i overheard from the guys..' man ! this guy is fearless !'....well u can say im showing off here,..but wait !...theres a huge humily lesson at the end...cos of the things tht i did during those 2 games..i kinda get a little overconfident...i was passing a ball to another guy when it gets stolen...and when i froze for a bit the guy shouted at me ' Boy ! defence !!'...tht was like a huge slap in the face man...i kinda get knocked out of my 'overconfidence'..(yea u can say 'serve u right' now..)...after the game i got a break since i was too tired...then kinda really thought abt tht game and the lesson i learnt...: Always b humble and know wads ur place in ur environment'....which means if u r a new comer..even though ppl seems to like u..don get cocky and funny..or the same thing will happen...ahaha..but its a fun game...learnt another big lesson abt humility in the US...

Do u ever get the feeling tht u r nursing a feeling tht is bound to hurt u...?..its ironic..it comes back to the quote i put in my post abt 2 weeks ago...its in love tht we discover hurt...its like...we nurse the feeling to get hurt..its like buying something tht is expired..and the worst thing is tht u noe its expired...thts really the worst part...er mayb thts not a really good analogy...heres another one...u buy a puppy tht is not in perfect condition..but the thing ..despite its condition...u hav faith in it..theres a connection which u believe deep down in ur heart the connection will grow into something special...and by just this belief and faith itself u want to put a lot of things at risk...in the puppy's case its a few hundred dollars while in the case of love...its putting ur heart on the line of fire...like i heard this quote somewhere...i dunno wads the exact words but i do my best to make sense..'if u love tht person, u will trust tht person with ur heart'....kinda sounds cheesy but its kinda true...i remembered a smallville scene whereby clark is to give an opening speech in a wedding and he said something which was actually directed at lana (he doesnt say it is of cos)...but he was looking at her when he said somthing like this...' When u feel it, u trust it...u allow it...u r willing to risk things for it bcos u noe tht this feeling is real'...i added the last bit...hahahaha....but its like tht...i tink it was yesterday tht i suddenly tink next time when someone ask me y i love someone....my reply will b 'its love...theres no reason enuff to support it...its just an irrational feeling..u cant reason wif it...Theres no logic for it..'

sometimes its just these small little things everyday tht can change our lives in the long run...i watch the anthony robbins video and there was one part when he said..' u r heading one direction and u r making a 10 degree shift and it may seem like nothing in the moment...but u continue tht change a month from now..6 months from now..10 yrs from now...u r in a totally different direction...'...just imagine a protractor...u r going 90 degrees direction...but u make a 3 degrees turn..it may seem nothing from the point....but if u take it a meter from the point u r in a completely different place...so sometimes u tink these small things u decide to change in ur life..like for example joggin everyday for a mile....in the long run u may hav a lot more stamina b4....so appreciate small changes...=)

Friendships Cherished

2006-02-26T20:27:00.000-06:00

Friendships Cherished

hey ppl....this week i got lots of grades coming back at me....well actually 3 but i took abt 5 subs so 3 is quite a few...i got history...math and eslp engl back....eslp is the basic engl..verbs nouns and all...well i got A- for eng...B for both hist and math...hist im quite surprised tht i got a B cos i tot i seriously screwed up the essay part..well its done...

Anyway yesterday i watched armageddon..and for those who watched it b4 know the last part when the father says his last words to his daughter from an asteroid to earth...during the whole time..he has very little chance to express his love to his daughter...in fact they r not on very good terms except for the very last moment...when both father and daughter cried as they said their goodbyes...it draws very strong emotions from me....and this ending...combined wif a diary entry from stuart's blog entry...taught me the importance of expressing our gratitude to our friends....so i would do just that in this blog...cos im not very good at expressing gratitude if i do it face to face..i would slur at my words and everything....so in no particular order.. :

To Shen....the other day i watch survivor and they r doing the 'total truth process' to this guy during tribal counsel and it immediately fires off the times we were at the adam khoo camp...hehe...shen is probably the one guy that has seen me at the most vulnerable time of my life till now...not only he has seen me cry till theres no breath in me left...he has also seen me struggle wif astma attack rite on the spot...(those 2 happened in the same place and time)...i want to thank you for guiding me thru tht horrifying and enlightening 'ordeal'...and for being supportive of one of my dumbest romantic action...remember valentine's 2004..?...well if u don remember mayb the case of buying flower and giving it back might refresh ur mind..im reall grateful for the fact tht ...well yea its dumb but u still help me wif the situation and all...so for the unwavering support...and non-judgementalism and teaching me to be super humble(during the camp when u said 'u die')... I thank you.

To Harry...well harry ...when it concerns the love part of life...we r both almost identical...we both chatted and discussed a lot abt things tht concern tht particular area and abt life matters....we both hav the common goal of wanting to become a better person....so theres definitely instant rapport...he pissed me off real bad once...wahahaha...well its a good kind of pissing ppl off...i learn a lot abt myself at tht time...(and no i didnt get into a fight wif him..if i did he wouldnt b here...wahahaha..joking joking..harry if u reading this allow a bit of teasing eh?..u can tease me in ur blog entry.=) )...and he is like a music library to me...4000 songs plus...so wadever song i want i will just ask him...he saved a lot of money for me..hahahaha....mostly described as a silent companion...he seriously hav a lot of opinions when it comes to life and love ,...yea i noe cos i read his past blog entries....i learn quite a number of things from him...both abt life and myself...and unfortunately both potive and negative too...but life has always 2 sides...for a positive to exist there must always be negative...so harry...for all the conversations we hav..the listening ear...the music...and companionship..I thank you.

To Cheryl...hahahaha...=).. its just fond memories when it comes to her..hahaha...all the jokes...the lame stuffs...the 'trying'to be fierce scenarios....they r just invaluable memories in my life...i had really good luffs when she is arnd...whether physically present or not...she nv fails to put a smile on my face...seriously..never....everytime during chatting always a pleasure to hav her arnd then harry yeos her and i all can tok abt either super silly stuffs...or rather serious stuffs like life and future ...(heh this is one of the only times where i wont luff at her being 'serious')...hahaha...i just dunno how to emphasize it enuff..she is just one of the rare ppl whereby when she comes into the room or conversation or something...every thing just seems more fun and brighter...heh and i tink everyone can agree wif me tht she went thru 'extreme makeover' b4 Os and after Os....for those of u who has her pictures of the times in kcp and after kcp..put them side by side and compare...(she still teases me for not being able to recognise her during grad night some more.-_-ll)..hahaha..so cheryl...for the laughs...the exhange of teasing...the smiles...the conversations..the company...and the lesson of patience... I thank you.

To Yeos....hehe i proclaim him the king of universal lameness and the best 17 year-old guitarist arnd...hail hail....hahahaha...well recently he has revealed a side of him tht i hav nv seen b4... his opinions on love and life matters...well i noe its there..just tht i dunno when he will reveal it..but when he did recently...it kinda caught me off-guard at how insightful he is..at certain areas...he is one great guy to tok to man...seriously...his jokes can make me luff till stomachache...even via chatbox..not many ppl can do this bcos of the lack of tone and facial expessions..he can just do it with words..hahaha..his insights on life and future is interesting...bcos of his crapinness ...he kinda of bcome a very easy guy to get along with...and as he talk abt life ...he is also one of the guys whereby u will not get uncomfortable silences during busrides etc...cos i almost ride the mrt back wif him almost twice a week during sec 3 from city hall back to bishan...most of the time we chat la..but when tired...its ok to just go silent...so yeos...for the lamynisations...guitar performances....the chats... I thank you.

To Wilson...well this guy hav serious intellectual views abt life...sometimes to the point where it can b annoying...but don get me wrong...his views r very interesting...the best time of exhange of opinion views is during the time where i hav a serious dilemma abt God and science...we both exchange similar views..he was also experiencing the dilemma too by the way... some of the names we call each other is priceless...i don want to say it here cos it will mess my entry...but seriously..the names and super teasers him and i exchanged can b like wad i call a conversation between 2 screwed-up Socrates ...wahahaha...its just gets really crazy sometimes...he is like wad i call a friend who provides the intellectual side of everything...when i chat wif him there r times when i will tink..'hmm..nv thought of it tht way b4'...but chatting wif him can seriously get nuts...sometimes he can just say things tht crack me up...hahaha...so wilson..for the countless exhange of opinions...for the name callings...for the wacky companionship... I thank you.

I also want express my gratitude to Alex, Albert, Robin, Tiro, Matthew (Chua), Kok Yee, Samuel, Ian, Nea, Evelyn and the TKD club members for helping me adapt easier into the very new environment.....my gratitude to Zu, Sherman, Qihui, Evelyn (Leow), Matt, Darell, Stephanie, Eugenie, Lu, Max, Patrick, Greg, Amanda, Esther, Joseph, Franson, Weikang, Bball ppl(Terence, Howard, Eric, Justin), Tan Yong, Evan, Adlinda, Hari, Trisha, Suang and Chanel for adding spice to my life and help me learn more abt myself...my gratitude to the AKLTG grp (Adam, Stuart, Gary, Kelvin, Wei Tang) for helping me realise my potential and help me excel as a leader and a person....

Haha..the whole entry i sound like im gonna die....but i don want to be in a situation whereby i hav not enuff time to say my gratitude to my friends..heh u can seriously not expect me to say this in person..i will b too awkward..but i will definitely say it when i've become a husband and a father (wahahaha..kinda far? well its never too young to think abt it) =) its also ideal for me to say my thank yous now..becos as i hav said in the previous post...i noe how it feels like being without friends...but now tht i've dedicated this entry to friendships...it is from the bottom of my heart tht i thank u ppl...=)

5th week

2006-02-18T23:45:00.000-06:00

heys ppl ...This week is quite alrite for me...starting to hav tests...i got 2 next week...history and engl...engl not so bad..but history man..geez they got soo much things to study man omg...imagine studying abt 16 to 18th century european history....things like copernican theory...isaac newton...galileo...french revolution...geez ..yea it does get kind of interesting at some point of time...but if i hav to do soo much memory work and reading..even interest wont pay me off....

Today i went to visit one of my friends....actually 2..they were already married and just had a baby a few days ago...alex albert and i went to visit them in their house...its like...yea i noe i hav been kinda emphasizing on this for the past previous posts...but when we all just gather arnd to look at the baby...its ...er...i dunno how u describe the feeling..its just great to see a friend who just hav a new member coming into their family...lol the name i cant remember cos its quite hard...but the baby is pretty though...big eyes..wahaha....its a completely different feeling to see ur friend having a baby and see ur parents' friend having a baby..(now i mean no offense here but im just stating how i feel)...it feels tht im more involved...yea mayb thts a good word...and just by looking how happy they r...its just...well sparks this feeling in me ...like how would i feel when my turn comes... yea the paternal instincts...wahaha....but its really nice u noe the feeling..during tht time it makes me wonder how it will feel like seeing a friend having a new member coming into his or her family...its really wonderful to see how ppl move on and grow ...like having seen them and b by their side...well it mayb the reason y parents cry during weddings....cos the feeling of seeing them grow up...and now having seen them come all this way...the feeling mayb overwhelming...don ask me how i noe all these...i myself also don noe..im deducing from wad i see...i got lots of time on my own too when im visiting them ..so i thought a lot abt it...

i just learnt something this week tht makes me wonder...its a scientific fact tht the brain controls emotions like love, hatred, sadness etc...so i wonder...y do we feel it in our heart?....i mean is it some kind of a relay msg from the brain tht tells the heart 'now u must feel sad'....if thts the case...cant it b controlled then?...yea i learnt from akltg tht its all abt the state of mind..but wad i don like abt the theory is tht it makes me feel like a robot...like ' now u must feel love....now u must feel sad...etc'...but it makes me envious sometimes how masterful they r in controlling their emotions...cos like now i havent yet to gain control of how i feel about everything...missing family...friends...being patient...all these kinda takes a toll on me after a while..and luckily i hav tkd sometimes just to take out all these on...no i don kill the ppl there...but i pushed myself during physical training tht its almost over the edge...so yea..its kind of a contradiction of feelings...i want to learn the personal mastery...but on the other hand i don really want to b a robot...

this week i've been looking at photos and everything of the past...and something just crops up in my mind now...' The only thing that doesnt change is the fact that everything will change.'...this quote is given by ken yeo...not sure if he create himself or not..but its very very very true...i mean those times r really like so long time ago...when i come into class in the morning...wait for mr tan to come in give worksheets and tell everyone to stay back for phy remedial..(hahaha)...doing my best to stay awake during mrs tay's classes....looking at wilson slping during geog and bio lessons...talking crap during literature discussions...playing darth vader during class times...playing soccer at the back of the class during free period...those times seem like such a long time ago...and sometimes i really wonder...do i ever feel at tht moment tht these times were nv to come back once they passed?..its the same thing as the quote ' You will never notice wad u have until u lose them.'...this quote has been going on and on in my mind so often everytime i tink back on my family and friends back home...so if u r reading this...appreciate all the ppl arnd u...im not saying u r not now...but trust me when i say i noe how it feels like not being wif them....

"We seem to be always running out there to catch our dreams, when we actually are finding our way home. The ironic paradox of life as I have always identified with and learnt to come to terms with. It's in living that we die. It's in loving that we hate. It's in learning that we have confusion. It's in caring that we are hurt. It's in loyalty where we discover betrayal. It's in the lies where we discover truth. " Stuart Tan

4th week

2006-02-11T21:29:00.000-06:00

hey heys...now today its kinda official....the first saturday and sunday tht i spend the whole day practically alone...its a bit nice on one hand...but also not nice on the other....nice bcos i hav 'some' time for myself....very very peaceful..walking down the street alone when its snowing...its a bit romantic..well it is if i got a partner or something...but when im walking down alone its really peaceful...especially in my case theres almost no one in the streets at all...yea i noe its tht dead...

this week is something like a re-connection with me and adam khoo's world...i found a website created by stuart tan..some of them r link to the website..if u want to check it out its under the 'places to go'....its really nice..for example theres one thts called denial...stuart says tht we hav to b brutally honest wif ourselves..like for me is tht im not wad i am...how do i say it...i gotta face the fact tht im where i am now bcos of my over-the-head competitive spirit....the worst thing abt it is i live off other ppl's 'failure'....well i don like to use tht word im doing my best to describe how i am...its like...i want to b the best at everything i do...now this may seems good but it will kill me if i don bcome the best...ok for example the O lvl results...i got 15...its kinda reasonable...but not really my goal...5 points off...i noe i havent done my best cos i didnt do everything akltg taught me...its funny cos usually ppl is afraid of letting other ppl down...but for me..yea im afraid of tht too...but the worst feeling is tht when some major test or wadever comes and i noe i didnt do my best...its hard to let tht slip by me man.... but the good thing tht comes out of tht is i can stretch even further...tink and look back more abt wad went wrong...

jealousy jealousy jealousy.....not a pretty thing...but it appears whether u like it or not...well..it teaches ppl to b patient...lots of it...and unselfishness..i don noe where tht came in but its there...lol i don make sense throughout this whole entry huh....well its just wad the quote says 'you never know wad you have until you lose it'...this quote is just so so true....looks like i will b overtaken soon enuff...well i cant say i did expect it..but its another thing when its staring rite into ur face while the other party doesnt noe...this is really the reason y i like smallville so much...cos in some ways its similar....(im speaking in riddles here...so if u don understand its ok...its supposed to b an entry in my written diary but its faster to type)

tkd is soo cool man...hahahaha...since i hav to start as a white belt...i hav to do all the basic things again...its really very humbling to wear white belt again...but it has its advantages...when i mix arnd the newcomers and did wad they did..hehehehe..the effect is so cool...i don want to show off but its like tht...then some of them ask me wad belt was i and when they noe they sort of hav the 'oooo no wonder' look...wahahaha....boost my ego...but its also very humbling on one hand la..so it has its learning points too...i learn a lot of things abt humily here...a lot..for one yea the belt thing...another is the fact tht usually in spore im usually always hanging out wif friends and all in school...but now its a 180 degrees turn...for example...its not nice to eat in the cafeteria alone when others got their own click...so yea thts one major lesson...lol tht one of the reason i choose to eat either very early or very late dinner...cos dinner is the time when everyone got together and eat....(can u just imagine how i look)....my cuz say this is going to b the best time of my life...well mayb im new to this thing...but its definitely not the best thing...not even close...well i will edit this sentence when i feel otherwise...cos mayb im also expecting to straightaway find a grp of friends where i can hang out whereever i go...but nop..not yet...soon i hop...cos studying almost everytime when im free really is starting to b not very interesting....

3rd Week

2006-02-05T00:02:00.000-06:00

hello....my body now all over aching man....legs..body...back...arms...geez...this week ah i say the most physically challenging one of the 3 ive been here...ok lets start on wed....wed i got flu....then got firedrill some more....it went like this...i was planning to slp early so tht i could get better the next day..i was brushing my teeth when a guy comes in the toilet and say 'we got to go down theres a firedrill'...i was then making funny noise as my mouth is full of foam....then i go down by ....stairs....and i live on the 11 floor....now thts not so bad..cos its going down...but when its time to go up..haiz....just imagine la ...11 floors plus flu...when i come back to my room straight away collapse...my legs got the feeling like gonna cram very soon...lucky never...if not die sia...

so thts wed....thus not so bad...got cough..flu not so bad liao....then go for tkd at night...finally found something thts more of my style...then friday....i got 2 lessons in the morning...2 lessons in the afternoon...after tht straight away go tkd..but different teacher..this one 4th degree black belt man...cool guy...i kena physical conditioning until damn tired...then straight go bball for another 2 hrs...come back to dorm ah...wa almost cannot walk man.....
today my legs and back aching...then play soccer some more !!..well u can say i ask for it..hahahaha...but its kinda fun....really don hav the competitive atmosphere..all play until very very friendly...tht makes me don look so bad when i do something stupid..which i hav done quite some times...hahahaha..like when the ball fall from above and i want to kick i miss...i look so goofish man....hey but i scored one beautiful goal man...hehehhee..then we went dinner together at 9...all eat until sooo much...all damn hungry..ahahaha...now here sitting on my chair writing blog...=)...well its fun la...i mean ...i just dunno when is the last time im so comfortable wif a grp of friends which i just made 2 weeks ago....it really feels nice wif them...well now i just hav to let time do the getting close part..like really good friends...but don get me wrong...they r...but havent got to tht lvl yet..well come on its only been 2 weeks man...but they r good ppl...=)..

i find it quite fun to do laundry now..hahahaha....like coming back wif clean laundry the smell of the room damn nice...well...i tot laundry will not b one of my favs activity here..but its starting to...well u may say now 'eh u no life ah' to me...well for now yea it is...other than studying....and smallville !!...hahaha...so happy got smallville here...it like shows 3 times a week...all 3 times different season...wad i like abt smallville is tht the different emotions it brings and how it reaches out to me...like saying im not alone u noe...i mean for clark's case he cant win lana's heart bcos of his secrets...well mine is not tht dramatic la..hahaha..just tht for now its tough....and at the end of every show there will always b a touching kind of meeting between lana and clark..well most of the time its both of them....but the conversation sometimes is just so meaningful tht u can wonder its actually the same situation in ur life...well at least it is in mine...its just beautiful...theres just so many situations after smallville i will be in the 'thoughtful' mode...=)...well im going to go to rest now...and theres music on now...(*clap clap for harry)...hahahaha...enjoy the music. =)

Second week

2006-01-29T19:42:00.000-06:00

hey hey....on my second week here...not really getting tht much homesickness attacks this week...not as bad as the first week...but still from time to time i will tink of my family and friends..especially during the walks back from class or at night...well its kinda pathetic when u tink of it...and seriously now i spend more time in the library than in my dorm room...like i said in the previous entry..its peaceful in there...its like being in ur own world... the ppl there don really care wad u do...as long as its quiet... well just to let u noe how i like the place i spend 5 and a haf hours there today....time just sort of pass....not tht i didnt do anything...i did quite a bit of reading....

yesterday went for chinese new year dinner..hahaha..its really fun...well...more of a lot of laughing at some point of time....one of my new friends...sort of says im having my seventeen birthday this march and the rest sort of goes 'wad ??'...im quite used to tht response now...then he ask me..'u hav a choice...whether u treat us for dinner...or we bring u to a stripclub..'....wahahahaha.....then another says 'the age limit for stripclub is 21'...den he sort of goes 'damn'..sort of...hahahahhaa...damn funny sia..then after tht went to cheesecake factory to wait for chinese new year..so thts 12...well i cant emphasize it enuff but its really nice...i mean not only the place but the company too...=)...

well the rest of my time is filled up wif homework man...darn it its a lot...some of my friends said i havent gotten used to it cos its a big jump...well i better get used to it cos im only taking like 14 credits this semester and im plannign to take more next semester...but well i will find a way....=)...

First week

2006-01-22T22:20:00.000-06:00

hey hey wads up....been a quite a long first week for me here in milwaukee...been harder than i thought...first problem is probably the friends problem...i always thought its going to b easy making friends here...but its quite wrong...its all different..the culture..the way they do things...how they talked...but some of them is really friendly...the most fortunate thing tht happened to me is definitely the grp of indonesians here...they r such a nice bunch of ppl...and in 3 dinners i ate with them...i got the label 'New Kid'...hahahaha...its quite amusing...cos since the number of indonesians here r not tht many..they all know each other by face and name..so when they see me...'Oh the new kid?'...hahaha...but its kinda nice u noe...its like i find a piece of home when im wif these ppl...its like even when some of them r already working..they can joke abt crazy stuffs tht really make me laugh...they in a way really helped me to fit in easier...the funny thing is tht when im wif them is like im not in milwaukee at all...its like im at home....its a really nice feeling..cos thts exactly the kind of feeling tht i've been yearning for here...to find a piece of home...and they do help keep my feelings away from the homesickness....cos the crazy thing is tht every morning when i wake up...the feeling of homesickness just greets me the moment i opened my eyes..its like i don even hav to tink....

the work here is complicated mans....darn it its soo different from spore...well yea i noe its secondary school and university difference...but damn...for example...the reading is quite an amount...but some of them is quite interesting...like theology...theo is the greek word for God...while logia/c means reflection and consideration...so theology is the study of God or the Christian Doctrine....yea..chim...its teaches u things like how is God revealed to us and everything....well math is quite ok...the teacher quite funny at times....well theology teacher is the craziest one i got....but math is like more conservative...eng not so bad also...4 students only..-_-ll...but probably joining in more....

lol i just found out tht when i stay in my room the homesickness is at its worst....and on the other hand when i spend my time in the library my homesickness is quite lessened...and the library is reaaally nice...it got all these couch ....and bright...real nice...and peaceful...big too...they r probably the reason y i can relax my mind there...its just silence...in my room its quite small..so my mind kinda really just wander..i dunno how tht sort of works but yea it happens...its just nice la...but the downside of it is tht my social skills r suffering...i mean come on...u don get to make many friends if u spend most of ur time in the library....my parents said tht its only the first week..i cant expect myself to b always surrounded by friends...but for me the first week has been like a year...cos its like soooo long....and tinking of the time when i take off seeing all of my friends and mum and jenny is like sooo long time ago...haiz... talk abt stepping outside the comfort boundary heh.....but i got quite a bunch of support here...its the same thing.... 'the hand is always there for u , but its up to u to reach for it.'....

2006-01-16T19:34:00.000-06:00

hello from milwaukee !...im in the uni dorm now...miss my bedroom a lot...miss a lot of things...family..friends...the day i left is really hard...but after tht experience i found out its a lot eaiser to leave the airport wif ur friends and family there..i was wrong to tink tht it would make it harder...cos its the feeling tht there r ppl back home tht will b there for me...they r all like my support pillars..all of them back home...i just read my bro shen's blog the other day..it says ' we went to the airport and send him off and bid goodbye..he was strong but i noe in his heart, he was weak'..well shen...u got half rite half wrong when u say this...i was strong only bcos i keep telling myself too...and wif God's help too..cos i ask him to make me strong at tht moment...and i cant say im weak at tht moment...cos if i am..i would break down liao...but more or less the feeling at tht moment is like as if my mind is detached from my heart...cos i keep tinking.'how come i don feel as much as i thought'...well the only word tht can explain how i felt at tht moment is tht the heart is passive...im not sure if wad i typed makes sense...but thts generally how i felt...

its just feels nice to hav such a caring grp of family and friends...i tot its some kind of test from God tht he puts me into another place completely new to ..well...make more friends...or test my social skills further..it just sort of give a whole new meaning to the saying 'stepping outside the comfort boundary'....well from the looks of it...its not as easy as i thought...well its true tht the ppl here r more friendly...but its hard to really get close..damn i sound gay...but wad im talking abt is tht its just hard to really get to really speak openly..u noe abt personal stuff and life...its really the thing tht i enjoy in a friendship wif harry..cheryl ..yeos ...and wilson...well wilson is more on the crap side of life..but well...hahahaha..if u r reading this wilson... its for fun..hahahaha...anyway..really...well mayb its just tht i judge too fast on whether i can tok life or not with them...the fact tht everyone is at least 2 yrs older than me doesnt help either...

well...its abt 816 here at night...just wanna say i really miss u guys in spore....

Leaving

2006-01-08T10:16:00.000-06:00

hey....this is going to b the last post i hav in this country and in this room for a year....i dunno wad to say...every single bit of feelings is just cropping here and there....sadness..excitement...fear....well if u can find a word tht generally hav these 3 words together tell me ok...cos even these words r just too vaque....its just too many feelings...now wads crazy is tht im feeling mostly fear...its been like this u noe...the feelings just kept on changing balances.....from fear...to sadness..to excitement...
its just this morning when everything starts to hit on me ...the fact tht im leaving on monday....it havent settled to me yet until tht very moment..when i wake up...it just BAM !..and i go uncomfortable all over...its just called change...i read it somewhere b4....a change is never comfortable....but its neccesary if u want to succeed....well i noe its true...but its just until now tht i just realise its pretty uncomfortable...
well...i really hav to thank everyone arnd me though...without them im telling u...i will not b able to pull this through...friends....cousins...parents...sister(-_-ll)...hahahaha....and my absent but always present heros....akltg...adam khoo...and superman...=)...i draw my strength from u guys...so for tht...thank you.

2005-12-08T09:57:00.000-06:00

tmr going to indo...yea i noe im supposed to b happy abt it...buuut...i hav no idea y my mind kept on reminding me of how many days i hav left b4 i leave for states...the feeling just really brings the whole feeling down...i don like it at all...i don seem to b able to push it away...well..if its gonna get worse as the day comes closer..i wont probably b able to leave spore...drag myself down wif anchor or something u noe...haiz...

darn i cant find a way to put music into my blog (but if u r reading this and there is music coming on...well i found it..duh)...ok lame...yea im planning to put in sundial dreams...thts the only simple music i can think of...tht music has been sooo meaningful in my life..it has been in many different occasions...first and foremost is at the akltg camp...well i cant really say how much this music helps me to tink and reflect accordingly to the situation...but just noe tht its so deeply affected me tht it was close to...very close to bringing tears...second situation is the graduation of the camp....haiz those were the times...standing up and looking at the audience and inviting my parents up...its just simply amazing....then of coz its one of the first proffesional song i learnt on the piano....wif a lot of cheryl's help...learnt the first 5 seconds of it after practical...then come back home enthu and learnt first seconds until fluent..ok i noe for ppl who pro in piano (u cheryl) the first 5 seconds is not much..but im pretty proud of it..=)....now i just tink and tink of the time....now the quote 'time waits for no man and tide' is really becoming my daily reality...its like so damn fast...but one thing weird is tht when i tink of Os and studying for it wif all the TYS and Rs....they r like soooo long time ago....well wad i tot is mayb the complete change of lifestyle....from priority of studying to priority of...erm...umm....self?..yea...time for ourself...now its like so carefree...but one thing tht keep on bugging me is again im starting serious in jan...geez...well i guess thts the price to pay for going there....and one thing tht still intimidates me is the fact tht almost 99% of the students there will b like 2 yrs older than me...i can hear my dad now says...'so wad?'...yea easily said than done..i tot so wad too...but when i really tink of the situation...damn... so as always the wise guy in my mind will say..'u hav been into unfamiliar territory b4...its just a little harder this time..u will manage'..while another wise guys says...' u hav a choice of how u wanna do it..u either go into this territory being shy and introverted and quiet..OR u can go into this territory and b as outgoing and charismatic as possible to make lots of friends...either way u r going to go into the territory.'..this mindset has helped me in pretty sticky situations..helped a great deal...=)

wa then just now play wif yeos and tan yong cs....hahahaha...nice ah..can kill yeos how many times and killed tan yong wif a grenade..hahahaha.....now fun got ppl to play wif on net....=)
ok so if i hav time i probably blog when im in indo...i wont b bringing my diary anyway...so yup..c u arnd...

2005-12-05T07:31:00.000-06:00

alrite...this will b my first official post in this blog...after so many blog skins i went through i finally find one tht i really like...im telling u..its really a lot...anyway im glad i find this one....i still hav no idea wad am i going to put into my blog...cos i do hav a diary myself..those hand-written one...so im not really sure if this will take over the hand-written one...reluctant to change cos i put quite some effort into my diary and erm..well have some kind of emotional connection to it...wads more if i write it here ppl can read (duh)... not much secrets like matters of the mind and heart can b written(woa..chim)...or mayb i can do a double...diary and blog...or mayb i can put in other things in my blog..arg dunno la...see how it comes...
Peace =)

Testing

2005-11-29T08:50:00.000-06:00

first blog. Testing.