Chronicles of a Young College Boy

Saturday, February 18, 2006

heys ppl ...This week is quite alrite for me...starting to hav tests...i got 2 next week...history and engl...engl not so bad..but history man..geez they got soo much things to study man omg...imagine studying abt 16 to 18th century european history....things like copernican theory...isaac newton...galileo...french revolution...geez ..yea it does get kind of interesting at some point of time...but if i hav to do soo much memory work and reading..even interest wont pay me off....

Today i went to visit one of my friends....actually 2..they were already married and just had a baby a few days ago...alex albert and i went to visit them in their house...its like...yea i noe i hav been kinda emphasizing on this for the past previous posts...but when we all just gather arnd to look at the baby...its ...er...i dunno how u describe the feeling..its just great to see a friend who just hav a new member coming into their family...lol the name i cant remember cos its quite hard...but the baby is pretty though...big eyes..wahaha....its a completely different feeling to see ur friend having a baby and see ur parents' friend having a baby..(now i mean no offense here but im just stating how i feel)...it feels tht im more involved...yea mayb thts a good word...and just by looking how happy they r...its just...well sparks this feeling in me ...like how would i feel when my turn comes... yea the paternal instincts...wahaha....but its really nice u noe the feeling..during tht time it makes me wonder how it will feel like seeing a friend having a new member coming into his or her family...its really wonderful to see how ppl move on and grow ...like having seen them and b by their side...well it mayb the reason y parents cry during weddings....cos the feeling of seeing them grow up...and now having seen them come all this way...the feeling mayb overwhelming...don ask me how i noe all these...i myself also don noe..im deducing from wad i see...i got lots of time on my own too when im visiting them ..so i thought a lot abt it...

i just learnt something this week tht makes me wonder...its a scientific fact tht the brain controls emotions like love, hatred, sadness etc...so i wonder...y do we feel it in our heart?....i mean is it some kind of a relay msg from the brain tht tells the heart 'now u must feel sad'....if thts the case...cant it b controlled then?...yea i learnt from akltg tht its all abt the state of mind..but wad i don like abt the theory is tht it makes me feel like a robot...like ' now u must feel love....now u must feel sad...etc'...but it makes me envious sometimes how masterful they r in controlling their emotions...cos like now i havent yet to gain control of how i feel about everything...missing family...friends...being patient...all these kinda takes a toll on me after a while..and luckily i hav tkd sometimes just to take out all these on...no i don kill the ppl there...but i pushed myself during physical training tht its almost over the edge...so yea..its kind of a contradiction of feelings...i want to learn the personal mastery...but on the other hand i don really want to b a robot...

this week i've been looking at photos and everything of the past...and something just crops up in my mind now...' The only thing that doesnt change is the fact that everything will change.'...this quote is given by ken yeo...not sure if he create himself or not..but its very very very true...i mean those times r really like so long time ago...when i come into class in the morning...wait for mr tan to come in give worksheets and tell everyone to stay back for phy remedial..(hahaha)...doing my best to stay awake during mrs tay's classes....looking at wilson slping during geog and bio lessons...talking crap during literature discussions...playing darth vader during class times...playing soccer at the back of the class during free period...those times seem like such a long time ago...and sometimes i really wonder...do i ever feel at tht moment tht these times were nv to come back once they passed?..its the same thing as the quote ' You will never notice wad u have until u lose them.'...this quote has been going on and on in my mind so often everytime i tink back on my family and friends back home...so if u r reading this...appreciate all the ppl arnd u...im not saying u r not now...but trust me when i say i noe how it feels like not being wif them....

"We seem to be always running out there to catch our dreams, when we actually are finding our way home. The ironic paradox of life as I have always identified with and learnt to come to terms with. It's in living that we die. It's in loving that we hate. It's in learning that we have confusion. It's in caring that we are hurt. It's in loyalty where we discover betrayal. It's in the lies where we discover truth. " Stuart Tan

DanieL counted snowflakes at 11:45 PM