Chronicles of a Young College Boy

Saturday, April 15, 2006

woosh...feel tired now man...played soccer from 2 to 5....hahaha...my feet not used to the soccer boots now got blisters...ouch...im having my easter break now...5 days..hehehe...and my floor now is so so quiet..cos i tink im the only one here....and this week i came in contact wif ppl from swiss cottage primary!...i havent talked to them for like 7 yrs man geez...its a real shock to see how much they changed...or even dont...wahaha..no offence...but yea im pretty glad i met them again..thru friendster...i was supposed to be doing a paper in the library when i decided to do a little searching in friendster...and i decided to watch phantom of the opera when im in ny...thts seriously going to be an experience...its like i fell in love wif the play when i watch the movie...its going to cost too...like 70 bucks...so i really got to work my ass off during summer for not only the play but also for the shopping in new york....and not tht im going to take it as if my debit card has no limit to it or wadsoever....but i found a way in order for me not to spend too much...im going to hav tht 'buy list' recorded mentally...so i will at least noe wad to buy...=)...

i watched lord of the rings just now..(its ok not smallville anymore)....and theres a scene whereby aragorn and arwen has their scene...its the two towers by the way....aragorn was in a dilemma..he doesnt noe where to go..saying tht his path is hidden from him...then arwen said something tht got thru my mind and makes perfect sense....she said..."if u lost everyone and everything u trust...trust ur heart..."...i noe some ppl will say its cheesy and all tht bs...but sometimes..or most of the time..cheesy stuff makes sense..anyway...u may find thts its tough to say tht just trust your heart...but read the line properly again...its says IF u lost everything and everyone...wad im saying is tht when u r making a decision...best to use ur heart as ur root...and then ur mind, family, and friends as ur trunk and branches...heh strange analogy but i tink its the best there is...=)...cos for me its worst when it comes to making decisions...like wad course or major u want to choose in uni which can potentially be a choice for ur future....then u face the problem of having ur friends going to one course tht u noe u don really favor...but then u r afraid of unfamiliarity if u want to choose another path... all tht comes into play...

one part of the movie also teaches me abt something...u remember the times when u suddenly felt totally helpless?....when u r like "wad the hell am i doing here?"....like seriously lost hope...feel like turning back and all?....yea at one part of the movie frodo was at this point...he just felt tht he couldnt go on anymore...even suicidal....mayb some ppl hav tht moment b4..but then think of this....his companion sam told him something ...in stories there r ppl who are faced with a challenge so great and daunting tht it may potentially crush them...some decide to turn back and run...while some decided to move and fight on to see the sun rise...this power..this determination...all comes from within them....the fact tht they r holding onto something...and when they pass through this period of darkness...they bcome stronger than ever...(i added a bit to wad he said)....anyway...my point is tht i...very young me...hav seen lots of my friends who dwell in their own self-pity and wad sam described as period of darkness...they seem to b outside their mind, body, and soul and looking at their state at tht moment...(i've actually thought to write this in my diary but thought it mayb more useful to put it in my blog entry)....Sometimes they don realise tht they r actually at tht state...wallowing in self-pity and not looking for a way out...or sometimes they r just waiting for ppl to pull them out of tht period..i believe in this quote to the maximum.."You cannot help a person who doesnt want to be helped."....sometimes when in tht period some ppl just choose to feel tht way...and they think they r waiting for ppl to pull them out....but i can seriously say tht they can be waiting forever..let me give u a simpler situation...u definitely hav a time where u r unhappy or upset rite....and someone comes along and says 'cheer up !..everything is going to be ok !'..u probably put on tht smile and say thanks...but u noe deep down inside tht u r not feeling any better at all...or u may bcos tht person who says it to u is ur significant one..but its a temporary effect..until U CHOOSE to feel better...and then u feel better..its the same wif the period of darkness part..its until the time where u say.."Im sick and tired of this state im in..im sick and tired of being powerless at solving this problem...i want to break out !!"...and then u start to feel different...u feel better and everything seems more beautiful and better...

now im writing this bcos i noe how it feels like...and sometimes when i tink back on those times i dwell upon foolish thoughts of me being alone and the whole world is going against me...its stupid...seriously...it takes some time for me to realise tht...y am i doing this to myself...some of the ppl live their lives as if the problems tht meet them r not challenging at all...but these ppl i noe hav problems which r far bigger than mine..,but the difference between me and them(at least at tht time) was tht instead of focusing on the problem itself..they tend to shift their focus to the solution to tht problem...its like their mind work the complete different way....for example when i am faced wif a problem b4 i meet these ppl....my mind will fire off "oh shit"...well the focusing on the problem goes worst than those 2 words..wahaha...but anyway...when these grp of ppl i met r challenged wif a problem...their mind will fire off in a completely different way...they will think.."hmm...how do i get out of this mess..."...its tough to get into tht kind of automatic fire-off...but after a number of practices...it does automatically fire off tht way...but i do slip sometimes..(come on im only human =)...)..i will tend to dwell of the fact tht theres no one in the world who has the same problem as me...my problem r bigger and tht sort of thinking...but the thing is tht the recovery is faster...there r countless times where i want to put nicks on msn tht screams out self pity...but after a while i smack myself in the forehead. and say."wad am i doing??"..and then things get better from there.....strange?...its just the way the mind works...but i want to point out tht there ARE ppl who hav problems bigger and deeper than ours....but then again the quote tht i mention a few weeks ago come into play..."The level of challenges that you are facing now is such tht u r well-equipped enough from past experiences to deal with the present challenges."...

coming back to wad sam said in the movie...he said tht these ppl hav the strength to trudge on becos they r holding onto something...wad i may also call ur center...in other words its the purpose of why u r doing wad u r doing at tht moment...when u r lost...u can always fall back to this very purpose tht can give u the strength to march on....lets look at me for an example...there was a time when i was completely lost here...like feeling i want to give everything up (yes it had been tht bad)...but then i fall back to y am i doing this...wads the purpose of me leaving familiarity and jumping into alien reality....the answer is the fact tht its for my own personal growth as a person...make me more independent...get my degree so i can lead the best life i can....its tht purpose and reason tht is driving force...everytime i fall...i would fall back to my center which is my purpose...purpose and goals gives us tht direction and destination to shoot for and tht driving force to lead us all the way to our destination...=)

DanieL counted snowflakes at 8:52 PM