Chronicles of a Young College Boy

Sunday, June 22, 2008

As I have said in the past couple of entries...I have done a lot of thinking about my current situation...I have been kind of disillusioned by this process of living...in the past when i had it much easier, i read up and listened to many inspirational stories about people reaching their goals..I thought success is well (more on this later) ...A classic success story is like sylvester stallone's...if you dont know how he become successful, i seriously recommend you to listen to his story.

Anyway, i realised that i lost my goal in life...yeap in a word..disillusioned...and i listened to tony robbins about the fact that success is 80% psychology and 20% mechanics...i realised that i have an inner conflict regarding success...i know this is going to sound extremely stupid...but I thought success is going to come easy because i was surrounded by success stories and focused too much on their success than their struggle...i thought God would just come down and say," its your turn to be successful!" i know...RIDICULOUS....i thought that success would not require time and complete dedication...i thought that success would not need large sacrifices...i thought that i would not meet difficult people, people who symbolises as tests to my determination...well...What an idiot i've become...i think if stuart tan or adam khoo (i went for their motivational camps) read this entry...they would have my head....

SO....I have thought it over...and came up with a vision...so here goes:

I envision myself to be the most well-rounded businessman I can ever be. I will continue learning about all aspects of business to my best extent, even if this requires large sacrifices and dealing with difficult people. I know sometimes I will be on my own, but I will do what I can to continue. I realise I will have to complete tasks that I will not like, but I will see it as another step closer to my goal. As I built on my knowledge, it will be used to bring myself up the corporate ladder and achieve a chief executive position. When wealth comes along, I want to donate US$1 million to an animal charity organization to do my part in animal conservation. This is my end result.

haaaa...there you have it....there is a good chance it might change..but this is more or less what I will shoot for now...in terms of inner psychology...there might be another conflict which seems less significant, but still important to me all the same...I think the issue of having a partner has been bugging me for quite some time...im not going to talk about this further, since those close to me know more or less whats the situation...BUT my point is, im going to clarify my priority right now. I wont be distracted. I will keep my eye on the ball.

DanieL counted snowflakes at 9:01 AM

Saturday, June 21, 2008

heya...the past 2 weeks in the internship has been much better than the first week because i gained 2 friends....even though this week i clocked in at about 55 hours at work....its kinda nice because now i get to chat at work with my friends...not staring at the computer for 10 hours...

What if suddenly you see yourself as someone you never picture as? in other words, what if you realise you are not the person you think you are?...this internship has really revealed quite a bit about myself which im not exactly proud of...i learnt it through conversations with both my friends and family...i dont know how...but flaws which i thought i never had are revealed in a number of places...i think im going to use this entry to face those flaws...because i will definitely push it away if i only confront it through my thoughts...

Firstly, I realise I'm all-talk, no action....to a certain extent...this is the flaw that i cannot stand because i actually dislike people like tht...and now i find it in myself...some example are....Before internship i told my parents tht i can withstand whatever crap UBS will throw at me...now im not already quite stressed out over the work...and they are not even throwing crap at me...for some reason i made statements that i never think over properly....i feel both frustrated and guilt-ridden when i realise this...

Secondly, i realise that im not as confident and brave as i imagined myself as....i know I wont be the first person into a battlefield...but my responses to the couple of events in the past couple of weeks has been...well...downright pathetic...this is comparing to what the ideal me would do in a situation...for some reason i couldnt find the courage to do the right thing when the situation calls for it....

I think the word courage is something that shouldn't be thrown around easily...i mean motivational speakers inspire students to be brave...and during tht time i believe it wholeheartedly...but now i find tht its not as easy as it sounds...the thought pattern that happend very often in "advise sessions" with people like my parents are like.."What was i thinking? Why would i act like tht?"...the thing is...i know what are the right things....but when the situation calls for it...they are pushed aside and i complain complain and complain....hmm somethings are not right here...

I read something very useful last week..."Having a job you love doesn't give you a recipe to an easy life, it gives you a recip for an interesting life." this statement for me, hits home when im at a point of thinking if i chose the right major or not...its by andrew matthews and everyday for the past weeks i have been reading his book just to get more enlightenment....i mean the problem is, i actually read his books before...but only now its useful for me....

His book im reading now is called "Follow your heart"...i definitely recommend it to anyone who has a dilemma about where you are in life now...=)

DanieL counted snowflakes at 11:57 AM

Saturday, June 07, 2008

huaaa such a looong time havent blogged....almost a year....o well what can I say...quite a bit have happened...i want to blog now because there are quite a bit of things that I think i should put in writing....well firstly...i'm currently working at UBS Wealth Management Research....and i have always thought it to be a dream come true if I ever had the chance to work at UBS due to its reputation and everything...

But now that I'm already working there full time as an intern...I started to re-think if I made the right choice...hear me out here because I'm not exactly complaining..but more of laying out my thoughts....ok firstly I'm more or less drilled like nuts there...and its so hard to not complain...because i can get so frustrated at times...What made me feel the worst is that last week before the internship starts...I was all-talk about bearing all the crap they can give me because I didn't go through the proper channels to get the internship....I was going "I will take whatever crap they can give me..." but now I really have to eat my words...because its getting tougher and tougher....and every time i have that devil coming up saying "It should be easier than this! why am i doing this?" I feel really guilty because usually tht devil wins...I know....call me a whiner or whatever...

I think another reason I don't reallt like the job (so far) is also because I don't have any friends in the office....so I can go for about 4 hours without opening my mouth at all....and that can seriously kill me...because as much as I love computers....i still love people more...
I'm reading books by Andrew Matthews these days, you know, just to get a hold of myself because the stuffs that he said are so true some times....for example....he said that each of us have our own rules about how the world should work and how ppl should act....like "he should appreciate me more!" or "he should have said sorry to me!"....all these rules..and then when people dont follow our rules....we get miserable...He said that we should have preferences instead of rules....so instead of saying " he should have said sorry to me!"..we should say "He could have said sorry to me, but i will feel ok even if he didn't!"...i think this makes sense...I'm now doing my best to apply that into my internship....my question to him is that what if I'm not enjoying my job now?...his answer (from the book) is

" If you cannot change your job, change your attitude and put in 100% into it. the losing side is yours because your boss will only lose a few dollars while you lose your enthusiasm, self-esteem, and a whole chunk of your life. Relax....life has a way of rewarding you if you put your best food forward." haha talk about an advice eh....now the hardest part (as always) is putting this knowledge into action...

I really want to use this weekend to reflect upon the things I have said and thought about regarding this internship....I realised ytd when i think it over that...I am not as wise and upright as I thought I am...in fact...this internship has revealed quite a number of flaws about myself...and frankly speaking..I'm not very pleased about how I'm doing right now... I kinda feel bad because my parents have to bear with me whining about how hard this job is....i wanna change for the better next week because it's a whole new week...and I now know what to expect about the job and my bosses...the hardest part is really changing my attitude regarding the job, because for now i'm still not looking forward to the job....what I need to do is change my attitude...to think of this experience as more of a learning journey rather than an internship....as much as I should for other parts of my life for that matter.... Wish me luck!

DanieL counted snowflakes at 11:00 AM